


Past the Pointe of No Return

by Babylawyer



Series: PPNR [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ballet, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Professional dancers, Slow Build, Slow Burn, loosely based on a reality show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27947378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babylawyer/pseuds/Babylawyer
Summary: Regina Mills can feel her time as a professional ballerina running out, so she agrees to leave the company she loves next season to finally live with her longtime boyfriend Daniel. Her best friend and fellow dancer Robin Locksley cannot bear to see her go and makes it his mission to enjoy the fleeting time they have left together and maybe somehow convince her to stay.OQ slow burn, loosely inspired by the reality tv show Breaking Pointe
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Robin Hood
Series: PPNR [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050158
Comments: 170
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

Regina Mills' phone rings just as she gets in the door of her Salt Lake City apartment, and she smiles at her boyfriend's perfect timing.

Her keys go in the bowl on the little bookshelf in the entry, she ditches her flats in the closet and answers with a bright, "Hi, sweetheart, how was your day?"

She has no jacket to discard because it was unseasonably warm for early April today, so she walks straight into the living room and right past her roommate Kathryn, waving quickly as she heads into her own bedroom.

Regina shuts her door and flops down onto the bed as Daniel sighs, "It was alright, but, um, I need to talk to you about something."

She's immediately on edge—that phrase always leads to trouble.

She sits up straighter, resting her back on the headboard instead of lounging, as if that is somehow necessary for this conversation. "What's wrong? Are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah, I am, I'm fine, sorry didn't mean to worry you, I just…"

Daniel's saying he's fine, but she doesn't believe it. He's nervous about something, and for half a second she worries he's about to break up with her, before she shoos the thought away.

Regina tries not to show her apprehension as she asks, "Then what is up with you?"

"I'm… not coming to the performance, I just can't, you have to understand that."

After all she's giving up for him. How could he do this to her? He has to be joking, he can't not come. Doesn't he know what this means to her? She's the lead in Romeo and Juliet, a role she never thought she'd dance, never will get to dance again, and he is _not coming_.

Daniel's still talking as her mind reels and she catches, "I can't watch you in an epic love story with _him_ , not after everything that's happened."

So this is about Robin, about that damn kiss that never should have happened and Regina has apologized for over and over again.

She knows she hurt Daniel deeply with that, and she feels terrible about it, she truly does, but they were broken up, and she was drunk and heartbroken. It was a mistake, one she thought they'd gotten past, but apparently not.

It was a cruel twist of fate that when she landed a dream role, her romantic lead was the one man Daniel couldn't bear to see her with. She knows he wasn't happy about that, but she thought he'd get past it to come see her. This is a big deal for her, and she wants him to see her dance this.

Regina only has six more performances left, eight if you count the choreography festival, but that's not the same. Only one more season, one more year doing what she loves, and she gets that it will be hard for Daniel to see her acting in love with Robin, but this is the end of her career. She's retiring after the next season for him, for them, so they can finally be together, no more of this long-distance that's been wearing down on them. She's leaving the career she loves for the other love of her life, so they can get married and have the family they've always talked about.

It's a lead role, and so complex and challenging. She wants him to see it because she's proud of how she's dancing it, actually feels like she's dancing it how it should be, which is so rare for her.

"Baby, I am so sorry, so so sorry, I just can't," Daniel says, and she feels her breath catch as the reality settles in.

Regina tries to plead with him—wishing she'd accepted his request for a Facetime when he texted her earlier instead of begging it off for a phone call because she looked haggard and worn down. She has to believe if he could see what this is doing to her, he'd come.

She has no one, no one who comes and supports her, no family aside from her shrew of a mother, and no friends apart from those in the company. He is the person that comes and supports her, gets on a plane six times a year to see her dance, and sees her.

They haven't seen each other in person since March when she flew out to plead with him for one more year, just one more year of distance and she'd leave all this behind. Couldn't he wait one more year? They've been apart for the last four, what was one more?

Regina knows Daniel hates the distance, she does too, but they refused to hold each other back from their dreams, and they always knew her time as a dancer was running out.

She's twenty-nine, and is continuing to level up, to dance better, but she knows that will start to come to an end. At thirty-two, Kathryn, her best friend and principal dancer at the company is also retiring next season. She can't do it anymore, and while Regina could, for a few more years, she will never make that accolade. She's accepted for herself that she will never be a principal dancer, those years she took off in her teens irreparably harmed her career, and she can't help but wonder if that's part of why she clings to her career so hard now.

Daniel sounds resigned as he tells her again that he's not coming and she feels the tears fill her eyes as her frustration gives way to devastation.

"Please, Daniel. I know it will be hard but this is a role of a lifetime. And I miss you, I miss _us_ , I want to see you, want you to see me dance as Juliet. You _have_ to come."

It's only been six weeks since they last saw each other, hardly a record for them, but if he doesn't come now she doesn't know when she'll see him again. She desperately wants him to see her dance Juliet, but she also just wants to see him. He always tries his hardest to come and see her, to support her. Why can't he do that now?

He sighs, "I'm so sorry, baby, I can't. When I think about watching it, I feel sick. We're good, we are, but I can't handle the visual of what happened that night, I just can't. "

Her breath hitches and she wobbles out, "I understand," as he sighs again.

"Please don't cry, baby. I hate to hurt you. I'm sorry, I am so so sorry," his voice cracks then, and that's when she loses it. "I want to see you, so badly and I feel like an ass—I am an ass, but I just can't do it."

She chokes out, "It's okay," over the lump in her throat, even though it's not, not to her. But she needs to comfort him, knows his torture over this comes from her actions, and she has to accept that.

* * *

When Regina emerges from her bedroom post-cry, Kathryn gets up off their blue couch without a word, returning from the kitchen with two glasses of red wine and a sad smile. Regina settles on the left side, pushing the throw pillow into the corner and reaching down under the side table for her ugly but super comfortable leopard print snuggie that had been a gag gift from Killian. It's not something she ever takes out when they have company, but it's just Kathryn, and she's already dressed in a sweatsuit.

This attire hints at a bad night, but Kathryn must have heard at least some of that, to go immediately for the wine, and Regina feels both embarrassed and a little relieved that she won't have to explain.

Their apartment has thin walls, and not only does her bedroom share a wall with Kathryn's room, but also with the living room. It makes privacy hard to come by, which is very annoying at times, but other times, like now, it's helpful.

While Kathryn always liked to talk about and deconstruct every aspect of her relationship with her ex-husband, David, Regina is decidedly the opposite. She doesn't like to show her emotions, grew up in an environment where love was a weakness, and any show of vulnerability was used against her. While she knows that's not right or healthy, it left its mark, and she's a far more private person than most. The only people who know anything about her relationship woes, and her pending retirement, are Kathryn, and Robin—her two closest friends.

Proving why she is so, Kathryn asks, "Do you want to talk about it?" as she sets the wine glasses down on the coffee table before sitting back down on the couch on Regina's right.

Kathryn didn't use a coaster but for once, Regina doesn't scold her for that, she just shakes her head and murmurs softly, "He's not coming."

She doesn't need to elaborate further because Kathryn's grimacing and telling her, "I'm so sorry, honey."

A hand comes to Regina's and Kathryn shuffles in closer. After a beat, Regina leans in, resting her head on her friend's shoulder as she tries to compose herself again. She thought she was ready to come out of her room, but merely saying those words had her getting choked up again.

She and Kathryn don't speak for a few minutes, until her friend remarks, "I'm going to be watching every night. I can't wait to see you dance it."

She smiles softly, feeling another swell of tears that she tamps down. She's too emotional right now for such a touching gesture. Kathryn is dancing Lady Capulet in Cast A, who gets the good performance nights, opening and closing night, evenings instead of matinees. The part isn't too much dancing, but Kathryn has her work cut out for her, and her knee has been bothering her, so she'll need a break, but Regina knows Kathryn well enough to know that she's serious and will watch every single one of Regina's performances in Cast B if she doesn't stop her.

"You don't have to do that," she breathes, and Kathryn shakes her head vehemently.

"I want to, you are amazing in this role—better than Belle, but don't tell her I said that."

Regina laughs lowly because that is so not true. Belle's technique is flawless, it's why she's a principal and why she's the Cast A lead role. "Please, I would kill for her technique, and her _feet_ , those lines... she's stunning."

"Technically, she's gorgeous, don't get me wrong, that's how she got where she is. And don't get me started on those feet, I hate her almost as much as I love her for them. But you bring so much emotion and passion to it, and that's worth so much more than flawless form."

Regina does not agree, but she will admit she's a better actor than Belle. It's not that Belle is bad because she's not, at all, but she does struggle from time to time in the really dramatic moments. Where Regina's emotional performance is what could move someone to tears, it's Belle's dancing that does that. If Regina had to choose, she'd choose technique every time.

Once upon a time she had that, she was the best, the most technically proficient in every class, the little ingenue everyone admired and was jealous of. Belle is younger than her (only by a year, but still), better than her and more accomplished than her. She's not jealous, per se, because Belle has earned it, that girl works her ass off, but more annoyed with herself because she could have had that, if she hadn't lost all that time.

Sighing and reaching for her wine, Regina opts not to respond, and Kathryn just smiles and puts on Dance Moms—their guilty pleasure show.

Half an hour later, they are both giggling as they deconstruct Maddie's performance, fully aware of how awful it is to judge a child like this, but uncaring. This is what they do, and have done for years. David used to judge them harshly for it, but well, he's out of the picture now.

It's only them in their quaint little apartment, and since they both do it, neither is going to judge.

It's just what she needed to take her mind off of Daniel, and she sends up a thank you for her wonderful friend.

She's going to miss this so much when they retire.

* * *

The morning of her last week of in studio rehearsals brings a text from her mother, informing her that she's attending Regina's opening night, with a biting comment about how it's not the real opening but will have to do. She doesn't know why Cora Mills bothers to come to see her daughter dance, since all she does is shit on her performances and comment on how lacklustre Regina's career is. It wouldn't be her mother without the passive aggressive commentary, and the snarky, _At least it will be worth the expense this time since you finally made it into a lead role._

If she were a healthier and smarter person she'd tell her mother to go fuck herself and not come. But aside from Kathryn, her mother is the only person coming to see her. It's nice to have someone out there supporting her, though what her mother does can hardly be called support.

It kills Regina that even her mother recognizes what a momentous occasion this is and is flying in, yet her boyfriend—who normally comes to all of her performances unless he absolutely cannot get time off—is missing this.

Braving her mother alone might steal what's left of her sanity, but she won't subject her friends to that.

Regina's always a nervous wreck come performance time, but the combination of Daniel not coming and her mother coming—and on her opening night of all times—has her nerves running ragged.

Robin, perceptive as always, notices that something is off right from the moment he sees her. They'd warmed up in their morning class in the other studio and she'd been relatively calm, her normal pre-performance self, but dumbly she'd checked her phone in the quick break before the run through.

All he has time to do is give her a questioning look, then the music starts up and off he goes, in his place, to attempt to woo Rosalind, played by Tiana, one of the company's recent promotions. Tiana will be a demi-soloist next season, and she has a lot of potential, has grown so much as a dancer over this last year. If she keeps up her work ethic she'll continue, too. It's Regina's dearest hope that she can rise to a principal, because this company has never had a woman of colour (or any of anyone of colour for that matter) as a principal and it's about damn time.

Regina has another fifteen minutes before she goes on, and she spends that time rolling through her feet at the barre, moving around as best she can without being distracting, so her body stays loose and ready.

August Booth joins her, but doesn't speak to her or bother her, just offers her a quick smile as he takes a spot at the barre to stretch. He plays her Count Paris, so like her, is not in the opening scene.

If he were someone else, if he were Robin, they'd be quietly laughing and joking. It's not that August isn't a friend, he is, but he's also very focused on the performance, gets very insular, which is something they share.

Normally, she's glad for his quiet demeanour, but today, for once, she wishes he was chatty. If she got a few beers in him, that tongue would loosen right up—but then, if she had a few her tension would melt away and there'd be no need for distraction.

Regina tells herself to focus on the ballet, on the performances, to lose herself in the artistry and ban all the worries and troubles from her mind.

Robin's dancing well today, not that he doesn't usually, but he's slid into his role more naturally than ever before. This is how he works, the character comes out in pieces as he learns the dance and it's only once he's perfected the moves that all those pieces come together into a complete whole that takes your breath away.

He looks far more confident than he has before, and that warms her heart a little, helps settle some of her nerves.

He really is incredible to watch, a perfect mix of strength, poise, and good looks. He's killer on stage, the audience and critics alike eat him up, and performances like this are why. He is a stunning dancer. One of the best males in the company if you ask her, and she's not the only one who thinks so. He'll be promoted to principal next season, she has no doubt. He's dancing principal roles, and beautifully, and Gold is not unaware of Robin's desire to be promoted. In fact, there'd been a split second come contracts where Robin considered not signing because he didn't get the promotion he'd earned. She suggested turning his in on the very last day to make a statement, but Robin's not as passive aggressive as she is (a good thing no doubt) and instead had a meeting with Gold to discuss his concerns.

This would be quite the different performance if Robin hadn't signed (though he was never going to leave) and if she'd left this year as Daniel begged her to. It would be their last performance ever and that thought is just terrifying.

The nerves are still flaring even though she's watching intently, and god she wishes she could just turn her brain off for a minute. What she wouldn't give to enjoy this time instead of being an anxious mess, but that's not in the cards for her.

The men are all gathering together, strong and proud over the body of the young man who died, and the trumpets blast before ringing out their final notes.

This is it, this is her cue. The music changed into that light, lilting melody between scenes, and Ruby takes her place as The Nurse asleep in her chair. It flows into that cheery, bouncing melody, and Regina takes a long, deep breath and runs out, hopping along and waking her nurse before grabbing her doll and dancing with it. She really loves this sequence, it's so fun and light. It allows her to easily slip into her character. The childlike innocence, the bouncing exuberance is not at all what she feels right now, but she fakes it, letting the music guide her into it. It works, right up until they are interrupted by Juliet's parents, to introduce August as her suitor, Paris.

Before she knows it, Act One is complete and they are given a fifteen minute break. She practically inhales a protein bar and fruit smoothie as Robin saddles up beside her snacking on his almonds, as always.

"What happened?" he asks once he's swallowed down his handful, catching her mid-bite.

She narrows her eyes at him and his poor timing, swallowing her mouthful before answering, "Where to start? My mother is coming to our opening night, and the only thing worse than that is that my boyfriend isn't coming at all."

His hand comes to rest on her arm. "That's quite the series of misfortune."

She nods, bites off a bitter, "I know," before downing the last bit of her smoothie.

This time Robin waits until she's finished. "So he's really not coming at all? Not seeing _this_?"

She can hear his incredulous disdain, and her own annoyance over it simmers. She knows Robin is offended for her, but also knows that he dislikes Daniel, and that colours his reaction.

At her request, they don't bring up what happened on Valentine's Day this year, but she tells Robin that it's too hard for Daniel, and she knows Robin understands why.

"It's still horse shit," Robin murmurs, and she just shakes her head. "It is, this is the role of a lifetime, and…" his voice lowers so only she can hear it, "After all you are giving up for him, he needs to suck it up."

It's not that she doesn't agree, because she does, but she feels the need to defend Daniel, and his decision, their decisions. "It's not for him, it's for _us_ ," she says, a line she's repeated over and over again both to Robin and herself. "And I understand, I do. I'm annoyed about it because I want him to see me dance it, but I think we can both appreciate why it would be hard for him to watch me fall in love and sacrifice myself for you."

Robin rolls his eyes, "It's all performance, _innit?_ " He pauses for a second, throwing a few more almonds in his mouth. He's not expecting her to answer that, is he? Of course it's all a performance, there's nothing between them, there can't be. He's her best friend, nothing more.

Once he's swallowed Robin continues, "Honestly, it's a bit insulting to your acting ability to suggest there's something more going on."

"That's not it at all."

"So what, he just doesn't trust you?"

She lets out a sharp breath and feels her temper swell. This is why she shouldn't talk to Robin about Daniel, she should know better. He used to keep his dislike of Daniel under wraps, while she knew he wasn't Daniel's biggest fan, she had no idea how wrong Robin thought he was for her, until they broke up in February and Robin let it all out. Since she can't unknow it, Robin's open and honest about his feelings for Daniel now, which is better for their friendship, but causes a tension that was never there before, and she hates that.

"Can we not, please," she hisses, and Robin nods, thank god.

"So what did the Wicked Witch say?"

Robin always comes up with creative nicknames for her mother, and a better daughter would not enjoy the insults as much as she does, but she's never been a good daughter, just ask her mother.

She shows him the messages, and delights in his sympathetic rage, and the way he starts to impersonate her mother, turning all her mother's harsh words back onto Cora herself. Where her mother always gives thinly veiled criticism (and at times not so thinly veiled), Robin showers her with praise and care. He's not afraid to make jokes at the expense of her mother, and she loves him for that. It helps reset her mood and by the time the break is over, she feels a little lighter.

All may not be well with her boyfriend, or her family, but it is here, with him, and that's good enough for today.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin tries to get Regina to see how wrong it is that Daniel isn't coming to see the show.

Daniel is a twat. That's all Robin can think after Regina tells him that Daniel isn't coming to see their performance. It haunts him all the way home after rehearsal, and lingers in his mind as he prepares his dinner. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for Regina, and she is giving up her career for Daniel; the very least he can do is come and see her.

Robin always thought Daniel didn't deserve her but wasn't entirely convinced he was right in that opinion. He knew he was biased, that he could have been feeling it solely because of his own feelings for Regina. But then Daniel started asking her to give up dance, and now he's not even coming to performances, which proves that Daniel does not deserve her, never deserved her.

Robin may never be with her, but he'll be damned if he lets her think she should settle for that. She should not have to choose between the two things she loves—she deserves to have it all.

He knows that it annoys her when he criticizes Daniel, but it is warranted here.

Regina has assured Daniel time and again that what happened on Valentine's Day was a mistake, and though it kills Robin, he knows it's the truth. She loves Daniel. She's going to marry him, have his kids and leave Robin here all alone. There's nothing he can do about it, and yet he can't stop wanting her.

He's in love with his best friend and he's going to lose her. He had hoped this winter when Daniel was insisting she leave and she refused to, that he might finally have a chance. Who in their right mind springs it on their significant other at _Christmas_ that they want them to leave their dream job? Robin has never thought well of ultimatums, but this one was especially cruel.

Though he hated to see her hurting so much, that brief break up in February ignited a hope in him that someday he and Regina could be more. He really thought that was the end of Regina and Daniel, but boy was he ever wrong on that. One of the many mistakes he made in that period, the biggest being on Valentine's Day. It was admittedly not the smartest move to go out clubbing with her when they were that drunk, but she was heartbroken and said that's what she wanted—so who was he to deny her? He would have done anything to bring her even the slightest bit of solace.

He'll never forget what she was wearing, that tiny red band, with his shirt over top but not buttoned, and those sinfully tight leggings that made her ass look absolutely fantastic. He wasn't sure whether she'd be able to dance in it, but she proved him wrong, and blew his mind with those sexy as sin hips.

She'd danced up on him before, but that time was different, shouldn't have been, but for him it was, and he found himself responding to her, pulling her closer, getting lost in her before he did the thing that nearly cost him her friendship.

They kissed and kissed and kissed that night, under hazy club lighting in the middle of the dance floor, and it was not at all the right time. Even drunk as Robin was he knew it was a mistake, but he didn't stop it, couldn't stop it. Then his heart got crushed when the next week she flew to Detroit and got back together with Daniel.

She doesn't feel for him the way he does for her, and he's accepted that, he has, but it's one thing to live a life silently pining for Regina Mills, and another to have her exit his life completely, and he knows that's what's coming.

It's torture to think about, and so he's determined to spend every moment he can with her, to try and get her to stay, even if it's just delaying the inevitable.

He has to try.

* * *

"I'm just saying it's bullshit that he's not coming," Robin comments to Regina before company class starts.

He's playing with fire here, but he doesn't care. She needs to know it, and since they share a barre with Kathryn and August, he doesn't have to worry about privacy. Even if they were here, their friends are discrete, but Kathryn's still changing and August will be here exactly on time, as always. Robin has never met someone so meticulously on time in his life. August is never late, but somehow always arrives just on time, within a two-minute window of an event starting. It really is an impressive skill.

Regina's ignoring him as she stretches her leg along the barre, but that's no bother, Robin doesn't need her to respond, he needs her to listen.

"He's supposed to be there for you, to support you, that's what a partner does. Your goddamn mother is coming, and he can't figure out that he needs to be here, it's ridiculous."

She sighs, pulling out of her stretch and glaring at him before switching legs. "I really don't want to talk about this."

"But you should, you need to get mad like I am. Insist that he come. You shouldn't have to do that, but for fuck's sake, the Regina Mills I know wouldn't take this lying down."

It's the wrong thing to say, her eyes burn into him as her expression goes stone cold. "You think this isn't hard for me? You think I'm not mad? I am! I am fucking pissed, but you know what, this wouldn't even be an issue if Valentine's Day hadn't happened, so how about instead of badgering me about it, you recognize he's not the only one at fault here? Actions have consequences, and I'm paying for mine now. So _drop it_."

That guts him because, "It was my actions. It's not fair that the blame should fall on you."

Her face softens, "I didn't mean to blame you, I'm just frustrated." She blows out a breath, "And I don't appreciate the badgering."

He smiles softly, "I'm sorry, and I didn't think you were blaming me, but I am to blame."

This is his fault, all his fault, if he hadn't kissed her when she was drunk and vulnerable, Daniel would be coming, she'd be supported and not feel so guilty all the time.

He did this to her, and he would do anything to take this pain away from her.

He sighs, "You know I don't like the guy, but you want him here, so I want him here. And I think that he needs to put his pride aside to come and see you because that's more important."

"If it were just his pride I might agree with you, but I hurt him deeply, and I hate it, but I did. I have to pay for that. I get that you are coming at it from a different perspective, but you are not in this relationship, you don't know."

Robin wants to scream, "but you are giving up dance, isn't that payment enough?" because it is, it's so much more than payment for that one small mistake, one that happened after Daniel broke up with her. Her sacrificing dance should be the ultimate act, give her unlimited points on the scorecard that shouldn't even exist. Daniel has given up nothing for her, and she is giving it all up for him. The least he can do is come to the show.

But Regina doesn't see it that way, and Robin doesn't know that he can make her see, at least not without really pissing her off. Any attempt to do so risks pushing her farther away, and he can't bear the idea of doing that.

"We'll agree to disagree on that," Robin tells her, and the soft relieved smile she gives him makes it all worth it. God, he has it so bad for her.

Maybe, just maybe, Daniel will realize what an idiot he's being and it won't matter.

Surely he'll come to his senses and watch Regina dance this. He'd be a fool not to.

* * *

"I have to admit that little bitch is looking good," Kathryn whispers to Regina as Mary Margaret performs in the opening of the ballet. They are sitting up at the front of the studio in the corner, leaning up against the mirrors. No one should be close enough to hear them, but they keep quiet just in case.

Mary Margaret is the main gypsy, the featured part, and will be dancing with David, Cast A's Romeo, in a moment. She does look good. That girl oozes talent, is the youngest soloist in the history of the company, and she and Kathryn, well, they hate her for it. Hate may be too strong of a word, they _dislike_ her for it. Not just for that though, her ongoing flirtation with Kathryn's ex-husband is what sent Kathryn over the edge, took her from jealousy to actual distaste for Mary Margaret.

Regina knows it's unfair, but she just does not like Mary Margaret. She thinks she could stand her if she actually worked, but everything comes easy to her and it's not fair. Between that and her happy go lucky attitude, and that she never seems to get nervous, she has it all, and it's not fair.

Regina has been in the company longer than Mary Margaret, has been dancing professionally nearly as long as Mary Margaret has been dancing, and they are the same rank. She can admit that she was pissed when she found out that at twenty-years-old Mary Margaret was promoted to Soloist. Regina should have been happy for her, but she's not a good person. Mary Margaret is dancing roles now that Regina can barely dream of, and it irks her. It swells up this unpleasant, bitter side of her she can't seem to quell. Maybe it's because that could have been her, she was that person when she was younger, then she threw it all away.

She has six times the work ethic Mary Margaret ever will, but it's not enough.

Everyone knows Mary Margaret is headed to principal dancer, and it burns at Regina (and others). That faux warmth and naiveté also bothers her, and she uses it to justify what she knows is petty jealousy she should let go of. But it's hard to stop with her best friend egging her on, with so many people who feel the same about Mary Margaret. Jealousy is not a good look, but so many of them are wearing it.

"Look at him," Kathryn hisses, "that look is real. Is it not enough that she's up for my job, now she's fishing around my ex. What's next? My friends?"

Regina bites her tongue about David because the last thing Kathryn needs is to get all wound up about her ex-husband—and any mention of him and Mary Margaret is sure to rile her up. David flirts with the girl a lot and Regina thinks it's only a matter of time before they start dating, if they aren't already. David is a big part of the reason Kathryn is leaving and retiring—she finds it too hard to dance alongside her ex and watch him fall in love with the new ingenue. Between that and her knee issue that's been flaring up again, she felt it was time.

When Kathryn and David separated two years ago, Regina begged her to stay, and while she's been so happy to have her friend with her, she wonders if it would have been better for Kathryn if she had auditioned elsewhere and moved away. She never got a break from David, and that's part of why Regina thinks she hasn't been able to let it go. Getting away will be good for Kathryn, Regina knows that. But selfishly, she wanted Kathryn here, and she's happy that they are leaving together, that she doesn't have to experience this place without her friend.

Ballet West won't feel like Ballet West without Kathryn—not that Regina will be there for that, but it's still odd. Kathryn was a demi-soloist when Regina started in the corps, and they've been dancing together for the last ten years.

Years ago, she, Daniel, David and Kathryn would all hang out, as two younger couples very much in love. Those were the good old days, when Daniel was still in medical school, when they lived in the same city and the future looked bright and happy.

She reminds herself the future still is bright and happy, come this time next year they'll be together again, and while she'll have given up all of this, it will be worth it.

She'll still be able to dance in productions like this with large casts, where supplemental dancers are brought in to fill corps positions.

Just not where she'll be living.

There is no ballet company in Detroit, the nearest is Grand Rapids which is two and a half hours away. While that's an easier distance than the four-hour plane ride they currently have, it's not sustainable or worth it. They want a family, and since they aren't getting any younger—she's not getting any younger—they plan to start trying right away.

It's likely that come her retirement she won't ever dance again, but that's a thought she can't even entertain.

She and Kathryn watch the opening unfold, watch Mary Margaret flawlessly execute all of her moves. She's an incredible dancer, and a good performer, the critics love her, and when Regina can forget all the reasons she's jealous, she too enjoys watching her.

Soon, it's Kathryn's cue and off she goes, leaving Regina alone in that front corner of the studio by the door. She doesn't even need to be here yet, this is Cast A's last in studio rehearsal, but they'd had class in the morning, then she'd had a costume fitting, and she and Robin arranged to warm up together, so there was no sense in her going home.

She'll duck out and eat her lunch before Robin gets here, but for now, she's going to watch the other cast and try not to compare herself to the grace and elegance that is Belle as Juliet.

Comparison is the enemy of all art, she knows that, but she can't seem to stop it.

For now though, she watches the sword battle, stifling a laugh when David drops his, hamming it up as he grabs it, before slipping back into character.

Props are… a challenge. David handles missteps like a pro, but every time Regina has dropped her doll (thankfully not anytime recently), she's wanted to burst into tears and berate herself for hours. She is absolutely terrified it's going to happen on stage, to the point of having nightmares about it. She has bad luck with props and it would be just her luck to drop something and have that be what ruins her performance.

She focuses on the dancing, tries to push all her worries aside and enjoy the performance. It's futile, but when she checks the time it's only twenty minutes until Robin arrives, so she slips out to eat, hoping their rehearsal will go as smoothly as that one is going.

* * *

"Hi baby, how was your day?" Daniel asks her when she answers his video call later that night, and she smiles as she takes in his familiar, straight out of the Ikea showroom, living room.

"It was good, I had a minor issue, but aside from that it went well today."

"And how are you feeling about the performances? Are you nervous or are you feeling good?"

She wants to laugh, because when does she ever feel good about a performance? She knows it's a good-natured inquiry but for some reason, it rubs her the wrong way. Daniel's been with her for nine years, he knows she's a nervous wreck when it comes to performances.

But she reminds herself that feeling good is relative and he does know her, so he's obviously not expecting her to have no nerves. She sighs and reaches for her water on the nightstand, taking a sip before telling Daniel, "I feel… ready as I ever do. There are a couple of things I feel I need to tighten up, but overall, I think I'm dancing it well. You know me though, I don't want to be dancing well, I want to excel."

Daniel smiles and snickers, "I do, and it's one of the many things I love about you. But you are also too hard on yourself, I'm sure you are dancing it beautifully."

 _You'll never see it_ is what pops into her head, but she opts not to voice it. "You always say that."

"Because it's true. You are so beautiful on stage, it's incredible."

Normally his compliments buoy her but today they are just annoying her. If she's so beautiful on stage and he loves it so much, why is he missing this?

Clearly, she's hanging onto some repressed anger here, and it's not productive, they have an uninterrupted night tonight to chat. She shouldn't waste this time picking a fight.

"Thanks, baby," she says, grimacing slightly over the endearment that has never sounded right on her tongue.

She asks him about his day and lets him regale her with stories of wacky patients and the antics of his coworkers. She tells herself to let go of that festering annoyance, but it still flares up, intruding on what should have been a nice night for them.

Just another reason to hate herself for what she did.

So when the conversation starts to lapse and Daniel suggests they watch a movie, she readily agrees, needing the distraction.

They switch to an audio call, and she moves into the living room as they make their way through most of a terrible Netflix rom-com before throwing in the towel.

She's feeling better about everything, more affectionate toward him, when Daniel goes and ruins it all by wishing her a good dress rehearsal tomorrow.

The comment is nice, but that bitterness swells, and she's again cursing herself, this time both for what she did and how she's reacting now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dress rehearsal doesn't go as planned

During the last in studio rehearsal she and Robin had a minor flub but nothing major, and they recovered well enough that it was barely noticeable. Rehearsal went really well, which should be making Regina feel confident, and yet she's a nervous wreck going into dress rehearsal. That single, minor incident has her nerves flaring—what if it happens again, what if it's worse, what if she isn't cut out for this and is going to make a fool out of herself in front of a crowd? There are so many things that can go wrong and her mind is cycling through all of them, even obscure, next to impossible things that logically she knows will never happen are stressing her out, and she hates it.

Then there's Robin. He is so serene and calm; it's unnerving. He's always like this, somehow only nervous right up until dress rehearsal then switches over to this nonchalant what's-done-is-done-and-we-can't-change-anything attitude that she wishes she could borrow or just have.

Regina would give anything right now to be a dancer without nerves, she makes way more mistakes when she's nervous, and if she could just get it together she'd do better. But in ten years she's never once been free of nerves come dress rehearsal, even in performances where she had very little to do—and that's not today.

So it's no real surprise (to anyone) that she's freaking out right now. Robin is being his usual saintly self, rubbing her back in the dressing room, and whispering assurances that help her stop from spiralling further but don't actually soothe any of her existing anxieties.

They are listening to anti-anxiety music, diffusing orange essential oil while she sips on a peppermint tea. They load up on natural anxiety remedies in their corner of the dressing room, and while she's not convinced any of them actually do anything, she's too scared to try not using them.

This is her and Robin's ritual, everyone always talks about weird pre-performance rituals and superstitions, but Regina never had any until she came here, until Robin came into her life. It was Robin who started them all. He had a few of his own already from his previous company that got added into their mix—the bowl of almonds, the bag of barbecue potato chips that never fails to make her laugh, and the deep breathing exercises they are about to do. That last one she's not entirely convinced he ever did before her, but it's part of their ritual now.

They count out slow inhales and even slower exhales, much longer than the recommended times, but their cardio and lung capacity is better than most, and they had to tailor it to their situation. A twelve count in, four count pause, fourteen count out, and repeat.

Regina actually feels herself start to settle as they do so, but it only lasts until the call comes to get out on stage. Then the nerves come back in full force, she and Robin sharing a hug, and it's showtime.

She doesn't go on until scene two, but Robin starts off the show, so she watches from the wings. He looks cleaner than he ever has and she is so proud of him. He is nailing this role and she is lucky to be dancing alongside one of her best friends. She can dance with anyone, but he's exceptional, and they have a chemistry dancing she doesn't have with all the other dancers. They know each other so well, and know just as well how each other dances, that dancing together is almost second nature. They are both shorter, and so are often paired together. All that time and experience dancing together pays off, is paying off with this.

They spent many nights perfecting their roles, their moves, ensuring they were in sync, and she hopes it shows.

It is for Robin right now, he is killing it, and if Regina can dance half as well as he is now, they will be amazing.

She gets a fine view of his ass because of where he stops to observe, and she looks, can't help it. He is the only man she's ever known who manages to look good in tights. Perhaps Daniel wouldn't be so threatened if Robin wasn't so attractive, but he is, and she is not immune to it. Robin has it all, and is also somehow the kindest, sweetest man she's ever met.

She's going to miss him so much when she leaves—even more so than Kathryn, because she can at least come and visit her anytime.

It will be the end of an era, but it's a year away, and she should not spend this entire year sappy like this. She needs to get it together.

When the tempo changes and she hears her cue, she does just that.

* * *

That was the worst Regina has ever danced in her life. First she dropped the damn doll, and it all went downhill from there. The tempo was way too fast for her first number and she could barely get up in the air before she was supposed to be down and starting another jump.

She told herself it was just one number, that it would be okay, and she saw Gold's face after it. Watched how he talked to the conductor, and told herself he knew it was the tempo, that he wasn't going to blame her, wasn't second guessing his choice to give her this role.

Regina still felt like crying after but she had a ballet to get through so she sucked it up.

The tempo issue seemed to sort itself out, but then in the balcony scene it was far too slow, and she could feel her leg shaking as she tried to hold her lines up, heard Gold scoff the time she dropped it too quickly. That left her flustered and the mistakes spiralled from there. She can barely remember what happened for the rest of Act One, but she knows that Gold is not happy and all she wants to do is break down and cry.

Regina runs off stage as soon as she can, wills herself not to breakdown, but her breath is coming out in short, quick pants, and there are tears in her eyes—dammit.

It's embarrassing that she danced so poorly, but even more mortifying is how she is losing it now, publicly. People are staying away thank god, but they know what's happening, and she's sure news of her breakdown is being spread through the company like wildfire.

She quiets her sobs, slides farther back into the corner and buries her face in her hands. Now at least she can't see the judgement, she feels the sting of it, and of her horrible performance. Fuck, fuck, she can't do this. Gold was wrong to choose her, she can't handle the pressure, can't handle the role, she's going on stage in two nights and will make an absolute fool of herself. She won't have to resign the company, Gold will fire her instead.

"Hey, darling, shh, it's okay, you are okay, just let it out," Robin's soft, soothing voice hits her right before his arms encircle her.

"It's all going to be okay, just let it out, Regina," he coos, and she relaxes into his chest, soaking up the comfort of his warm embrace.

She has to be okay in fifteen minutes, probably more like five, but she is still sobbing over what a colossal failure she is, and she can't go out there like this, she'd rather die.

Her face is going to be bright red, her eyes red-rimmed, and once Gold knows she's been crying there will be hell to pay. He cannot stand when his dancers are unprofessional, prefers them all to be unemotional stones. He _hates_ tears, and there is no way she'll be able to hide them.

Just like everything else Regina will fail at that too—why does she even bother? She's a terrible dancer, terrible professional, terrible performer, terrible person.

As if he's hearing her thoughts, Robin tells her, "We all have bad nights, ones where we muck it up, take a breath, darling. You know what they say: bad dress, good show."

She scoffs at that, snotty and disgusting, but Robin apparently came prepared, passes her a Kleenex as she lets out shaky breaths and tries her damnedest to get it together.

"What about horrendous dress, does that equal great show, or just marginally okay s-show?" she asks, trying to joke but her voice is far too warbly.

"In my experience, the worse the dress, the better the show."

Regina finally looks up at him, and Robin is so concerned—she feels a rush of guilt over how she's put him out over this. He shouldn't be having to deal with her meltdown, he has his own role, his own stresses to worry about.

"God, I'm sorry Ro—"

"If that's an apology for being upset, I don't want to hear it. You've worked your arse off, and you had a bad night. Don't listen to Gold, you get to cry it out when that happens."

She sniffles, and tries to use his words as balm, sinks more into his touch and focuses on the soft cadence of his breath, of the warmth of his body.

"I don't ever see anyone else crying," Regina mutters, unable to keep the bitterness from seeping into her tone.

"One, that's just wrong, you are not the first dancer to cry in this corner, and two, you feel things deeply, with your whole soul. The highs and the lows. Don't beat yourself up for caring so much, it's one of your best qualities."

She is so lucky to have him as one of her closest friends, he's so understanding, so comforting. She feels herself start to settle, the tears still threatening to spill, but in a way she thinks she can actually control.

She hasn't forgotten what he said earlier, and she sasses him, "When have you ever had a bad dress?"

He grins at her, "Now there's the Regina Mills I know and love. I've had some rubbish dress rehearsals in my day."

She raises her brows, continuing on with this because it is so much better than the alternative, "Oh, really? Name one time?"

"Did you see how I just danced? I almost dropped you, and I somehow slipped going down to my knees. I was botched it too, that wasn't just you."

Regina loves that he doesn't coddle her, or try to assure her that that was a great performance. The knowledge that he, too, danced poorly actually does help—and maybe that's terrible, but misery loves company.

The music starts up again and shit, _shit_. How is she going to do this?

"Hey, look at me, we've got this, okay? You and me, we're fighters, we don't let dodgy rehearsals defeat us. We're better than that."

All evidence points to the contrary, but Regina nods, grateful that Act Two opens in the courtyard again, a scene she is not a part of.

She lets Robin help her onto her feet and he gives her a tight hug before assuming his position in the wings, just in time to run out on stage.

Her cheeks flush as she makes her way off stage toward the dressing room, keeping her eyes down, hoping no one looks too closely at her. She tosses her allergy eye drops in, hoping they will work to take away some of the redness. Her swollen eyelids are a losing battle, but she covers her face in makeup, manages to slap on enough foundation to cover up how red faced she is.

Regina's back in the wings just in time to go back on for Juliet's wedding. She lets the music guide her, falls into her role as a young girl in love and drowns everything else out.

Being on stage and performing is what she lives for, and this time the tempo is right, it's free and easy and she's able to melt into each move, finding comfort and solace in the movements and the emotions of Juliet.

Any thought of her shitty earlier performance is fleeting as she falls deeper and deeper into Juliet. When her time on stage is up, she watches the rest of the act, feeling the raw emotional pain as Tybalt and Mercutio are slain.

She really finds her stride in Act Three, she dances it maybe better than she ever has, and she appreciates it that much more after the shit show that was Act One.

Regina's buzzing and blissful as she lies dead on the floor, waiting for the music to swell and stop. When it does, she jumps up, throws her arms around Robin and giggles as he scoops her up and spins her around.

"You were brilliant," Robin breathes and she feels it. She's giddy and high, has that rush that she lives for, that nothing-can-bring-her-down feeling.

August teases them for leaving him hanging, and she smiles at him, complimenting him on a great performance as he and Robin high five.

Regina's not a hugger, but Robin is, and post-performance with all that adrenaline rushing through her veins, she can be, so when August opens his arms, she steps into them and hugs him back.

"I know Robin said this already, but you were brilliant out there, Regina. You two killed it tonight."

She raises a brow, "Did you see Act One?"

August shrugs, "Let's just pretend that didn't happen."

If only. That said, she's riding a high right now so it doesn't seem nearly as dire as it once did.

Not even Gold's notes on how abysmal their first scene was gets to her—he makes them do the balcony dance again, sans balcony, once the rest of the company is sent home. It goes flawlessly. She feels so much better for having done it, and even Gold comments on how nice it looked—a rarity from him.

So when Robin asks if she'll join him for a celebratory dinner with August, she agrees, sends a quick text to Daniel not to wait up for her, then pockets her phone and doesn't look at it for the rest of the night.

* * *

After that terrible first Act, Robin wasn't sure how they were going to recover. Bloody hell, he nearly dropped Regina in that one lift. He would never forgive himself if he did that, if he hurt her. He knows logically that it could have been worse, but that was pretty damn bad.

He was not surprised when she broke down after that. She is so hard on herself. He was miffed at himself for his own shitty performance, but seeing her so upset fizzled it right out, morphing it into this intense need to comfort her.

Robin hates to see her cry, but he would not let her feel bad for it. It's because she cares so much, because she loves ballet so fiercely that she's so intensely affected by bad performances. That fierce love is something to be admired and cherished, not scolded or put down. It makes her a better dancer, is what pushes her to work harder, push higher, stretch farther. Gold loves that side of it, praises Regina for it and holds her up as an example for the other dancers, but belittles her when the other side of it shows, and it's total horseshit.

If anyone breathes a word of it to Gold and he says something about it, Robin might finally explode and give his boss a piece of his mind.

But they made it through notes relatively unscathed, so Gold either doesn't know what happened backstage, or more likely is choosing to ignore it, and thank god for that.

The rest of their performance more than made up for it though, and he has that floaty, warm buzzed feeling even before he orders champagne at dinner.

They've never danced the wedding night better, and they'd been stopped by several people on their way out who told them how good it was. They had made Mary Margaret cry—not that it's hard—but he appreciated hearing how the performance moved her.

Regina must be riding quite the high because she didn't turn up her nose or roll her eyes, she seemed to genuinely appreciate the compliment. Maybe she's finally warming up to Mary Margaret, Robin hopes that's the case. Mary Margaret is sweet, encouraging and has such a great heart. He gets that she can come off as a little much, and that people assume that overwhelming care is put on, but it's not, she's a good one. It's her overwhelming talent that leads to a lot of resentment she does not deserve.

It's easier for him, because she is not his competition, but he wishes the girls would cut her some slack. Mary Margaret is lonely, and it's only going to get worse as she progresses up the ranks if they don't start to accept her. Yes, she's young, but she is growing up, and she's going to be here for the long haul. Gold has an iron tight grip on her and a plan. He found her, trained her, and he won't let anyone take her away from the company.

She could excel in a larger company in time, but she wouldn't be getting the opportunities she gets here yet, would still be in the corps or maybe a new demi-soloist.

Robin almost invited her out to dinner in an attempt to get Regina to see what he sees, but he's not sure how long the post-performance high will last, and he doesn't want to do anything to kill her buzz. Her mother is coming into town in two days, Regina needs to savour the good feelings while she can.

That's why it's just them and August.

August is awfully quiet, but that's not entirely unusual for him. Regina though, she's chatty, eyes all bright and shining as she marvels over the better parts of their performance.

They toast to a good opening, then Regina excuses herself off to the bathroom and the table goes silent.

"You okay, mate?" Robin asks August, wondering if it's something more than being tired that's keeping him quiet.

August nods, "I am, I'm just thinking about how this is it, you know? After the summer, my girlfriend is going to be in Idaho, and I don't know what we are going to do."

Long distance relationships are hard, and Emma and August have only been dating for about six months to begin with.

"What do you want to do?" Robin asks, taking a sip of his champagne.

August sighs, "I don't know. We haven't really talked about it. She's staying here for the summer, and only moving out there in August so there is time but…"

"You should probably talk about it now, so that it's not a rash decision."

August nods, "Probably, yeah." He takes a big gulp of his own glass then smirks over at Robin, "Who knew I'd be taking relationship advice from you of all people."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" Robin asks with his hand clutched over his chest, knowing exactly what it means.

They are playing a dangerous game here because Regina's heading back to the table and will be within earshot in seconds.

"Oh, you know _exactly_ what I mean," August teases with a suggestive eyebrow raise.

"Oh _lord_ , what did I just walk into?" Regina sighs, somehow managing to be graceful as she half jumps up onto her chair.

"Well…" August starts leadingly and Robin is so grateful for August's discretion because he doesn't have to worry where this will go, like he sometimes does when David or Killian make what are supposed to be coy comments. "By some miracle, Robin-the-perpetually-single, just gave me some decent relationship advice."

" _Decent_ , wow, what a compliment. Thanks mate, really appreciate that one, nearly fell out of my chair over how much that one touched me."

Regina snorts, then adorably throws her hand over her nose and mouth when she realizes what she's done. It's so cute, and he can't help but smile dopily in response. August catches Robin's expression, and starts snickering at him, and soon they are all snickering, but all for different reasons.

Regina is probably the only person in the whole company who doesn't realize how he feels for her, but August is the only one Robin has ever opened up to about it. The only one he could trust with this. Though others (notably Killian about twenty times a year) ask him about it, he always deflects.

He doesn't want to ruin the friendship, and he has no doubt if she ever realized how head over heels helplessly in love with her he was, that it would all fall apart.

This may not be all he wants with her, but it's sure better than the alternative.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cora comes to visit much to Regina's dismay, while Robin has a much nicer visit from his friend John.

Her mother is here, in Salt Lake City, for opening night, and it's… horrible. Regina's already been berated for how her hair looks, how she's too thin and scraggly, and been judged for meeting her mother late—even though her mother was the one who told her the wrong time which is what made her late.

They are eating at the hotel restaurant, and of course Regina's choice of venue is being questioned, because why wouldn't it be? Never once has Cora enjoyed a place Regina picked for them to eat, so she's given up. But, as is always with her mother, she can't win. When she does try the effort goes unnoticed and gets criticized, when she doesn't try she's the terrible daughter who doesn't even care about her mother on the rare occasions she sees her.

Visits like these are the reason Regina never goes back to Boston to visit her mother, despite the fact that she's invited every year for Christmas. Her mother says that that hurts her, but Regina thinks all it really hurts is her pride and reputation. If people wouldn't say anything about Cora never visiting her daughter, Regina is certain that her mother never would, and it would be to the benefit of them both.

But above all, appearances matter to Cora Mills, so Regina is stuck with these awkward, stilted, late lunches and obligatory photographs for her mother to show off to all her friends.

Sometimes Cora will bring one of her friends out with her, and while all those women are awful, they take some of the pressure off of Regina. Right now she'd give anything to have one of them here to fill the silence.

She's trying to eat her chicken piccata in peace, but as always, her mother has something to say about the amount she's eating, and the carbs, as if Regina is not preparing for a major workout later tonight. Her body needs fuel, something she reminds her mother of, earning herself a scoff.

"Honestly, Regina, you're embarrassing yourself, you'd think you'd never eaten before."

She swallows her latest bite, and sucks in a breath, letting it out in a frustrated huff before responding, "Would you prefer I not eat and end up fainting on stage?"

Her mother stares her down in a way that makes her feel like a child. "There's no need for the sass, young lady. I was merely suggesting you slow down and remember your manners."

It's not worth the argument, it's not, so even though Regina wants to snap back, she just spears a tiny bite of her pasta, eyeing her mother pointedly as she brings the fork to her mouth.

Though it was spiteful, that action seems to mollify her mother and they eat in a peaceful silence for a few minutes until Regina gets asked, "So when is Daniel coming?"

She flinches, then curses herself for doing so because her mother is perceptive and latches onto that, questioning, "You are still together, aren't you?"

Her mother is not Daniel's biggest fan, and it's a feeling that's mutual, but she likes that he's a doctor. He may not come from money (something that does not matter at all to Regina, in fact, she loves him more for it), but he has status. While her mother thinks that Regina can do better, she'd be aghast if they ever did break up, and her nearing thirty daughter was single. It's not the nineteenth century, but she bets she'd hear all about her spinsterhood if that ever happened.

Regina sighs, "We are, he just can't come to this performance."

She hopes that will be the end of it, but her mother asks far too innocently to actually be sincere, "So which performance is he coming to?"

Dammit, this is what she was hoping to avoid. "He's not," she says before filling her mouth with food to buy herself some time.

"He's not coming at all? What ever did you do to make _that_ happen?"

Leave it to her mother to assume this is her fault and not consider Daniel's very busy schedule. Even though she's right this time, Regina did do something, it still rubs her the wrong way.

She's frosty in her response, hoping to deter her mother from probing further, "He's a busy man, this isn't the first show he's had to miss because of work."

Cora tsks, but says nothing else about it, and Regina counts her blessings.

When her mother changes the subject it's not much better. "Did you read the reviews of last night's performance? Your competition was very well received."

She did read the reviews; Belle's dancing was widely praised, and it's deserved. In one, Mary Margaret was called the rising star of Ballet West, something that is true, but put Kathryn in a bad mood despite her own good review.

"I did, they did well last night; it was a beautiful performance."

She'd watched the whole thing with Robin, standing at the back of the theatre for all of Act One, until they were able to move into the two free seats they scoped out. While latecomers are allowed to be seated between acts, Gold allows his dancers to take the open seats, as long as they return them to their proper paying owners should they show up. She'll never understand why people buy tickets and don't show up, but it has worked to her advantage several times.

"I wish I could bring home something like that about my daughter."

Regina fights the urge to roll her eyes lest she be called petulant. "Belle's a principal, I'm a soloist. It was an honour to even be cast as the role, I was never going to first cast."

"That kind of attitude is the reason you weren't."

That is so not true. She hates how her mother has this ability to twist everything to make her feel like she doesn't work hard, that she doesn't have drive and determination.

"Actually we can blame my time off for that," Regina says, and her mother scowls.

"Why are you acting as if that wasn't your choice?"

"Because it _wasn't,_ " Regina bites off, her voice raising, which leads to a disproving arch of brow from her mother. "I couldn't—"

"That's a lie. You choose to quit."

"Because Daddy died, my god, Mother, I know it didn't affect you, but it sure as hell affected me."

Her mother stares her down coldly, and shit, she should not have said that. She and her mother do not talk about her father, and if they do, it's always Cora making cold, flippant remarks about him that Regina is not allowed to comment on.

Her father was wonderful, so supportive of her dancing, always at every performance, every rehearsal. Ballet was their thing, though he knew nothing of it before his daughter fell in love with it, he became a wealth of knowledge once she did.

He'd be proud of her, of where she's gotten to, would take these visits from painful to occasions she looked forward to.

It's been thirteen years since he died and Regina still feels the sting of it from time to time, will want to talk to him, tell him all about what she's been up to and hear his voice again.

But that's not in the cards, and she's stuck with her mother, who never really cared for her husband, just his money.

"Always excuses with you, Regina, it's sad, I thought I raised you better."

That is rich considering her mother is the one with all of the excuses, the one who is never wrong, never to blame, always in the right.

"I just mean if I hadn't lost all that time—"

Her mother raises a brow, "And who's fault is that?"

Yours, she thinks bitterly, since she wasn't allowed to grieve, but sighs out, "Mine," because it's the only acceptable answer to end this with her mother.

Regina continues, "I know that, I just… You aren't the only one who gets frustrated about where I'm at, and how far behind I am."

"I'm not frustrated, I just want the best for you, sweetheart. I want you to live up to your full potential is all."

That is a lie, her mother does not want what's best for her, not unless that _her_ is actually referring to her mother. Cora Mills wants for her daughter what she feels is the best, and it tends not to line up with what Regina wants for herself.

Though the words are like ash on her tongue, Regina breathes, "I know, thank you, Mother," and returns to her plate, finishing off the last of her pre-performance fuel.

She checks her watch (the gaudy, flashy one her mother bought her for Christmas that is not her style at all), and it's only 3:30. She's got three and a half hours before the show starts, and another hour and a half before she has to report to the theatre to warm up. That's far too much time with her mother.

Maybe she should sneak off to the bathroom, she doesn't actually have to go, but it would get her away from this awkward tension.

Tension that's broken when their waiter comes over to ask about dessert. They both decline, because Regina is not stupid enough to have dessert in front of her mother.

Their waiter then asks about the bills, "Together or separate?" and Regina tries not to cringe.

"Together, dear me, do you think I wouldn't treat my daughter?" Their poor waiter attempts to stammer out an explanation, but her mother steamrolls him, "One bill, to me, my daughter can't afford a place like this anyway, not on a dancer's salary."

While that's true, she feels her cheeks heat, as their waiter nods awkwardly and walks away.

"Was that necessary?" Regina hisses once their waiter is out of earshot.

"I was merely stating a fact, Regina, no need to get so up in arms over something that's true."

God, this late lunch needs to end, before she loses her sanity.

Thankfully, settling the bill doesn't take much time, and she's spared more mortifying commentary from her mother about her lack of income.

Dancing is her passion, it's what she wants to do, but it barely pays the bills, and anything that's not spent on the essentials is stocked up for the off-season. They are contracted for forty-two weeks a year, longer than most, but that ten weeks of no pay is killer.

She and Kathryn actually made an arrangement with their landlord to pay higher amounts in the on-season, so they don't have to pay him during the off-season. While they could just set that money aside, it's what she did for years at her old place, it's so much easier to just pay more when she's being paid.

She usually guest teaches a few summer classes in Detroit, but that income is negligible, it's the staying with Daniel that helps keep her afloat, because he refuses to let her contribute—that and her recent promotion to soloist. Each step up comes with a slight raise, but no one in the company is making bank. It's a very good thing for her that she and Kathryn are retiring at the same time, because she would not be able to afford living alone, and she is far too picky to try and find another roommate.

"I think I'll take a rest before the performance," her mother comments, and Regina cannot believe her good fortune.

"That seems like an excellent idea, Mother. Shall I walk you to your room?"

"That would be lovely, sweetheart."

For once Regina's smile is genuine and she doesn't mind being the one that has to take her mother's purse, because she's almost free of her.

They'll have a drink after the performance, then her mother will be on a plane bright and early, and Regina will be free of her until the next time Cora Mills decides she has to visit to keep up appearances.

Maybe, if she's lucky, this will be the last time that happens.

* * *

John Little has been Robin's mate since they were three years old. He doesn't remember this, but as they've been told over and over their whole lives, his three-year-old self approached John at daycare and told him that they were going to be best mates. He then proceeded to force himself into John's little car because they were friends now—clearly a selfish gesture as all the cars were taken, but regardless of his intentions, they did in fact become best friends.

So it is always a treat when John comes down to visit, and there is always plenty to catch up on.

It's rare to have such a short visit, because a flight across the ocean is quite the trek, but John's actually on vacation in Vegas for two weeks with some friends, so he snagged a flight up to Salt Lake City for a few days.

It was serendipitous that when John's friends planned this trip it coincided with a performance, and better yet, one where Robin's a lead.

It's been years since John watched him dance live. Performance schedules aren't ideal for having a friend over, and though John is willing to spend his holiday cooped up in Robin's apartment gaming and watching television, that idea makes Robin feel bad. He wants to maximize their time, so they usually get together over the summer. They've taken to exploring America together. The first year he lived here they did Salt Lake City, the next, New York City, then Dallas, Canada, and last summer was Seattle. When they went up to Toronto for a few days, they were invited out to "cottage country" by a few girls they met at a bar. The place was lovely, but in the middle of nowhere, without John, he never would have let himself be talked into it. They really did enjoy the cottage part so this year is Colorado, starting in Denver, then driving up to Grand Lake, a place they found courtesy of googling the best cottages in the United States, that will hopefully live up to its reputation.

Right now, they are sitting in Robin's tiny, little apartment, lounging on the comfy brown leather couch with a beer as John tells him all about the girl he's started seeing, Tink. John has a surprising prowess with the ladies, his large size could be intimidating, but everyone soon realizes he's just a giant teddy bear. His dalliances are never serious, and Robin's never met any of them, but this is different, he can tell based on how John describes her, how his face lights up as he does, and from all the pictures he's been shown of the gorgeous blonde.

She's so slight in comparison to John, and their silly couple photos really are adorable, though he never expected to see them from John.

The most surprising to him is honestly that John is now active on Instagram, has a page filled with pictures of him and Tink, and other random so-called-aesthetic photos. It comes as no shock to him that Tink introduced John to the platform, and clearly, Robin has been missing out by not checking out what he thought to be John's "inactive" profile.

Robin has never been one to be active on social media, but he does have a professional dancer page he updates from time to time. One year Gold made them all create profiles in an effort to better promote the company, and Robin's profile has been languishing ever since.

Since he's thinking of it, Robin pulls up his profile and riffles through the performance shots in the company's Dropbox, downloading the one he likes best, the incredible shot their promo photographer managed to get of him in the air, legs fully extended at the peak of his Grand Jete.

He tags the company and includes the ticket link, something he often forgets and has been chastised for.

"You seem really happy with her, it's nice to see," Robin comments after John's story of going rock climbing, of all things, with Tink winds down.

"I am, mate. I really really am. I've never felt like this before. I think she might be the one."

If someone had asked Robin before he came to Ballet West if he believed in _the one,_ he would have laughed in their face, but then he met Regina Mills.

"That's brilliant. So when do I get to meet the lady?"

"So that's the thing…" John hesitates, a rarity for him, and grabs his beer off of the side table, taking a swig before continuing, "I was wondering if maybe she could join us on our trip."

It really is serious then, and obviously Robin is not going to say no, but he does internally mourn the loss of their bonding time. It won't be the same with her there, but there really isn't an easier time to do it. While Robin could fly out to visit and save the cottage trip for just them, he hasn't been back to the U.K. since his mother died. It wasn't intentional, but he has no desire to see his father, and he saves his travelling money for the annual holiday with John.

Dancing doesn't exactly make a person rich, and Robin's one of the few dancers who lives alone, which eats up most of his salary, leaving him fairly skint.

John is his oldest friend, he can be honest with him, "Of course she can come. I want to meet the woman who's finally managed to steal your heart, but I'll miss our time together."

"We'll still have that, sorry I should have explained more. If you weren't interested, there was no point, but Tink's got friends in New York. She did a semester abroad in uni, so we were thinking she could visit them for the first week, then join us in Grand Rapids after."

That's a good plan, and he will tell John that in a second, but first, "Grand Rapids... Are you cheating on me with another trip?"

John's brow furrows, then he rolls his eyes, "Oh bugger off, Grand Lake, whatever it's called. You knew what I meant, you tosser."

Robin laughs admitting, "I did."

John goes serious, "So are you okay with that? Really truly, if you aren't, that's okay. You can meet her another time, I know this is _our_ thing."

"No, I want to. It's perfect, we get some us time and I also get to meet her."

John sighs in relief. "Okay, good. And hey, that cottage we booked has two king beds, you don't have to sleep alone."

Robin shakes his head at John's wolfish grin. "We're not twenty-five anymore, I'm not going to invite some random woman. Besides, I doubt anyone would take up that offer, it's different for us."

John scoffs, "I didn't mean some random woman. We hadn't talked about you yet, you could be seeing someone, or start to be seeing someone by then, you never know."

Robin shakes his head. "Yeah, I can pretty much guarantee that's not going to happen."

"You need to get over this Regina thing, man. I love you to death, and she is great, and really hot, like I get it, but this isn't healthy for you. It's been what, five years? It's time to give it up."

He sighs, "I know that. I'm trying, it's not that easy."

"Are you even trying? When's the last time you went out on a date or even picked someone up from a bar?"

On a date, he couldn't tell you how long it's been, but bar pickups have been more recent. He goes out with Killian a few times a year when he gets really desperate, but it's never what he really wants. The sex is great, and he always enjoys himself but it's just release, nothing more. He hasn't even done that this year, hasn't even had the urge since that kiss.

The kiss he didn't tell John about, and shit, he needs to. John's going to have thoughts, and he doesn't really want to hear them, but he should.

Robin sighs again, telling John, "We're going to need to grab another beer because that's a bit of a long story."

John quirks a brow, but says nothing and waits for Robin to get up and grab one for them both, which he does, begrudgingly.

He starts his story as he walks, since his fridge is all of six feet from his couch. "So it was Valentine's Day this year. As you know contracts go out in March. Daniel had given Regina an ultimatum over the winter break, him or the company. If she was going to sign for this next season, they were done…"

" _It's really over," Regina sobs into his chest, and his heart breaks for her._

" _I'm so sorry, love, so so sorry."_

_Robin is also mad as fuck at Daniel. What kind of a right git asks someone to give up what they love like that? Poor Regina has been tortured with this since she got back from Christmas and while Robin had a feeling this is where this was headed, for her sake, he had hoped he was wrong._

_There is a small part of himself Robin wants to throttle that's celebrating the fact that this means she isn't leaving, and better yet that she's single. It's so selfish to be taking any comfort in this outcome, but he can't seem to stop it._

_He lets her cry on his chest, her shoulders shaking as she continues to sniffle, and he wants to do more, wants to help somehow, to soothe, to fix, and he can't help but ask, "Is there anything I can do, love? Anything you want?"_

_Robin hears her sniffle, then she's pulling away, her face is red, eyes swollen, and she looks gutted—somehow still painfully gorgeous while utterly wrecked. She reaches for the Kleenex he'd grabbed from the bedroom when she texted him she was coming over and that it was over with Daniel._

_After she blows her nose, she steels her face, and begs of him, "Can we please get rip-roaring-won't-remember-it-in-the-morning drunk?"_

_He aches for her, for all this pain she's experiencing. While this is probably ill-advised he will do_ _**anything** _ _she asks of him._

_They have four rounds of shots at his place and she has two more screwdrivers before she tells him she wants to go out dancing._

_She's in sinfully tight leggings and a woolly, white top, something not at all appropriate for clubbing, when he points that out she strips off her sweater, revealing a little red banded bra thing he thinks is all that's covering her, and christ, that's sexy. But she can't go out in just that, can she?_

_It turns out she wants one of his shirts, so he gives her free range of his closet, and when she compliments what he previously thought to be a boring old gray t-shirt, he decides to change into that. He's already wearing the jeans she once complimented as making his ass look fantastic, a happy coincidence. He absolutely should_ _ **not**_ _read anything into how she gives him an appreciative once over once he's dressed, but it has his belly warming. She is sloshed and heartbroken, and she is distracting herself however she can. He is here to enable that, not to get caught up in his own feelings._

_Robin tells himself that all night, but it's hard to remember when she's dancing up on him, grinding against him, pressing that firm arse against where he is fighting a hard on._

_Bloody hell, he is such an arsehole. He is her best friend and she thinks he is safe, that she can dance all on him and not worry about it._

_His hands are on her hips, and he will not move them, will not cop a feel, he is better than that. But Christ, the temptation is so strong. This was a terrible idea._

_His shirt is loose and unbuttoned, so her toned stomach is exposed and there is something about her in his shirt that is setting him off. He can normally control himself better, but maybe it's that she's finally single (newly single, you absolute wanker) and that they are so sloshed, that he's having a hard time getting it together._

_It doesn't help that she's flirty and touchy-feely right now. Robin knows she doesn't mean it that way, that she is just trying to have a good time after having her heart crushed, but it is so hard to ignore._

_And oh, fuck him, she's taking off his shirt and tying it around her waist because she's too hot. God, is she ever. She is so fucking hot, he cannot stand it. This is so bad, he is such a god awful friend. She turns to face him and she's only in that band, there is so much skin, and oh god—eyes on hers, not on that body, he needs to stop being such a perv._

_She leans into him, placing his hands on her hips and pulling him flush. He cannot help the little groan that escapes him as she does. Think of anything else, not how hot she is, how warm she is against him, how it would feel to lean down and claim those lips._

_He needs to get a drink, he needs to get out of here._

_Robin goes to do that, he really does, but then her hands are on his arse, and fuck him, he's lost to her._

_He dances with her how he's always wanted, gets greedy, touches her arse the way she is touching his._

_It's a bit of a blur how it happens, but one minute they are grinding against each other face to face, her hands around his neck, then their lips are a scant inch apart. He wants to kiss her so damn badly, and she is so close, staring at him with heavy lidded eyes, and he doesn't think they have ever been this close._

_The air between them is charged, and they aren't moving anymore, just breathing each other in, and his breath is rapid, so is hers, then she licks her lips and he breaks._

_He leans in and does what he's wanted to do for five fucking years and kisses her. He expects her to pull away and scold him, but she's kissing him back, and this is so bad, but so good._

_His hands tangle in her hair, as their lips press together firmly in open-mouthed, fiery kisses, and she makes this sound, this little hum, that spurs him on._

_Robin teases his tongue against her lower lip, and she makes that noise again, granting him entry and oh fuck, oh fuck._

_He's achingly hard now, and there's no way she can't feel it with how she's plastered against his front. But she is still kissing him, hasn't pushed him away, and he is not strong enough to stop this, not after all these years._

_It's horrible of him to take advantage of this, she is not in her right mind, but he is powerless to do anything but kiss her back._

_When they part for air he means to apologize, but she pants, "Kiss me," and he can't do anything but obey._

_He will not do more than this, will not do that to her, but he can't stop kissing her now that he's started._

_Robin loses track of how long they stay like that, making out heavily in the middle of the dance floor but when she starts to kiss down his neck, he reluctantly puts a stop to it._

_He rasps, "Love…_ _ **fuck**_ , _we can't—mmm—"_

_She presses into him and giggles, "We can, I want to. Make me feel good, take me home, Robin."_

_Fuck, that is what he's wanted for years, but he can't do that. He loves her too much to take advantage like that. It's bad enough all that he's done already. He's botched it, she's going to regret this in the morning and he's sure he will too—not that he got to kiss her, but how it happened._

_He wants her for real, forever, and in one night he's blown any chance of that ever happening._

_Fuck._

_Fuck. Fuck._ _**Fuck.** _

_Robin is going to lose his best friend because he couldn't keep his goddamn lips to himself when she was drunk and vulnerable._

_He is a sorry, miserable excuse of a friend, and if they can somehow get past this he will_ _ **never**_ _let it happen again. If he's granted a second chance he will be better, he_ _ **has**_ _to be._

"So I said we were too drunk and I took her home, then that very next weekend she got on a plane and got back together with Daniel."

"Shit, man," John breathes, "I'm sorry."

"It's not… it's fine, she's with him. I mucked it all up, and now we're both paying the consequences of my mistake."

John shakes his head, "Not just yours."

"No, mine. She was of no mind to make decisions, was practically legless, I knew how much she'd had to drink, and I did it anyway."

John sighs, "You need to not be so hard on yourself. You aren't that guy, you made a drunken, mutual mistake. In the end, you did the right thing. I'd be singing a different tune if you'd slept with her, but you didn't. You are a good guy, Robin, I know that, even if you can't see it."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's performance time, and after Robin and Regina watch closing night together.

For Regina, the week flies by in a whirl of performances, each one better than the next. Her performance days follow the same routine—get up, warm up her sore muscles and stretch until some of that heavy tension lifts. Then she eats breakfast and spends most of the day keeping her body moving and her muscles warm. She and Robin have taken to having lunch together, so it's lunch then massages before they head to the theatre to actually warm-up.

Post-performance, she's ravenous, and after a late dinner it's foam rolling and Epsom salt baths that she has to try very hard not to fall asleep in.

Her toes ache from overuse, but there's no cure for that, and she forgets about the feel of them once the curtain is up, forgets everything but performing her role to the best of her ability.

The sheer joy and relief she feels after every performance is unlike anything else. She rides that high as they go through notes and through dinner, but on the ride home her eyelids start to droop, and the post-workout, post-meal sleepiness starts to set in.

Regina's practically a zombie as she pours herself a large glass of water, starts the bath and rolls everything out for the second time while she waits for the tub to fill.

Some of the dancers go out on the nights when they have nothing to do the next day, but she can't do that. She gets a near hangover just from dancing if she doesn't do her routine. Adding alcohol into the mix makes her feel even shittier, and that's not what she wants. She will imbibe after they wrap, but only then.

While she's passed out come midnight on performance nights, Robin is wide awake. Where she crashes once the adrenaline wears off, his doesn't seem to, and she often wakes up to texts sent at two or three in the morning musing about various aspects of their performance.

Today's a matinee, their first of two this weekend, and she's exhausted just thinking about it. Today is at 2 pm but tomorrow's at noon, and she knows getting up on time to fully get ready is going to be painful. She'll inevitably take a nap after, but hopes she doesn't make the same mistake as last time and end up sleeping the evening away, waking up at 2 am unable to go back to sleep.

Kathryn is still sleeping as Regina emerges from her room, no shock there because cast A has the evening shows and Kathryn sleeps in any chance possible.

Regina plays some music with the volume low in their dining room that's really just a stretch room—they don't have a dining room table or chairs, just a small barre along the wall, mats, a set of weights they never touch and stretch bands.

She's sore, as always, has forgotten what it's like to not have some body part hurting, muscles aching. It will fade into the background as she warms up, and she looks forward to that.

Regina makes her way leisurely through a set of barre exercises, plies to warm up her legs, tendus for her poor overused feet, and works up to grand battement to really warm up and loosen her legs.

When her heart rate is up, she sinks onto her mat for a stretch, willing her tight, tense muscles to relax into it.

By the time she starts to get hungry, she's loose and limber, so she abandons the stretch room for their kitchen.

When Regina grabs her phone there's a text from Daniel, one that she doesn't even bother to open as she switches her music from classical to upbeat.

It's not the first time she's ignored him this week, there was this stupid part of her that thought he would still show up, would surprise her, would put it all aside to see her dance this. It was a dumb dream because he's made his position perfectly clear, so she shouldn't be disappointed he's done exactly as he said he would—but she is.

It's after she's eaten that she finally looks at his message, a simple: _Have a great performance today babe, call me after if you can, I miss you :)._ She hasn't spoken to him in a week, had given him the low down the day after her opening night, once she was free of her mother. Since then she's been busy, and honestly hasn't felt much like talking to him.

Regina has been petty and childish, she knows this, but that message doesn't really need a response, and Robin is texting her now, showing off the Eggs Benedict he made himself. Though she just ate, her mouth waters.

She texts back: _Did you save any for me?_

Nearly immediately she's invited over, and since she's gotten used to passing the time with Robin, and that breakfast looks delicious, she grabs her stuff and heads over.

Robin's is only ten minutes away, though sometimes she has to wait that long for the bus, but today, not even thirty seconds after Regina walks to the stop, the bus shows up.

When she arrives at Robin's, he poaches her an egg, and they chat and laugh over the delicious meal as they stand in his kitchen.

He has a long, tall marble island, with two bar stools, but they are cheap and uncomfortable, and she's never seen him actually sit on them. He tends to eat on his worn, brown leather couch, feet up on the not matching black coffee table.

This place is such a guy's apartment, browns and blacks, the walls white with nothing hanging but a big TV. The door to his bedroom is shut but she's been in there enough to know that the bed is unmade and clothes are strewn on the floor.

Most of Robin's apartment is taken up by the kitchen, something she would never choose, but Robin is a great cook, which she tends to forget until he makes her something. Regina is not, can follow a recipe, but doesn't have that sense he has of whether a recipe will be bland, and to add new ingredients and spices.

This breakfast is indulgent, especially because she had scrambled eggs, toast and fruit already, but it's five hours before the performance starts, plenty of time to digest all this fuel.

They pass that time chatting and laughing, and it's so simple, so easy. She could spend almost all day every day with Robin and never get bored. They really get each other, and she is so glad the Royal Ballet made such a huge mistake letting him go. She can't imagine her life without him, can't imagine Ballet West without him. He's such a presence, and such an incredible dancer.

Regina's first few years in the company before he joined feel like a whole different era, she had Kathryn, but they weren't as close as they are now, and it seemed like all the new dancers Regina had come up with were leaving or getting fired. Robin needed a friend, and so did she, so when Gold paired them together for Robin's first show as a Ballet West dancer, she'd actually made an effort to be friendly (a rarity for her) and it paid off.

They've been friends for five years, and if she hadn't fucked it all up by kissing him—or kissing him back that night, the details are hazy—they could have been forever friends. Daniel hasn't said she has to cut Robin out, but she knows the effect time and distance can have, especially when Daniel's not likely to host Robin if he ever came for a visit, and she's not sure if she would enjoy coming back to Salt Lake City to see all she's given up.

But for now, she has this, and she's going to soak it all up. And maybe this time next year things will be different.

* * *

Robin can't believe it's over, that afternoon was their very last performance, and it went incredibly well. Everything was seamless, flawless and easy. All that hard work, all those late-night rehearsals paid off and it was amazing. A brilliant end to their main season.

Cast B had a mini celebration right after, but most of the dancers do something in both casts, and the wrap party is later tonight. Most of those who only danced Cast B are going to be in the audience tonight, to see Ballet West's final performance of Romeo and Juliet. It's a different experience dancing it versus watching it, and he always tries to do it whenever he can. Anytime Robin starts to think maybe he's not as in love with it anymore, all he has to do is watch performance videos and he's all in again. There is a magic in performance, both doing them and watching them, that ignites this spark in him. It's how he knows he was meant to do this—he cannot watch a ballet video without immediately wanting to go refine his technique, tighten his movements and just dance.

So he is very much looking forward to watching it this evening. The giddy excitement from their own performance coupled with the magic of watching it all on stage tonight is going to be electrifying. To him, a day spent performing and watching performances is pure bliss.

Robin managed to score actual tickets for himself, Regina, August and Killian. They are the leftovers so they aren't all sitting together, but it's two, one, and one, and because he got the tickets it's understood he will sit with someone. Normally, that's up for debate, but he wants to experience this with Regina. So when he texted the guys he had gotten the tickets he made that clear, and heard no complaints.

It's the opposite of what John would want, but he's back in the U.K. now and there's no one here to call Robin on his rubbish decisions.

Really though, even if Robin didn't have feelings for her, he'd want to see this with her because they did the ballet together. Yes, they watched opening night from the back of the theatre, and that was amazing in its own right, but this is different. They are free of any stresses about their own performances and can fully immerse themselves in the ballet and support their friends.

In an effort to distance themselves from being dancers in the show they are dressing up. While he wouldn't usually drink during a ballet, he's sure that's when the alcohol will start to flow because they have plenty to celebrate.

They've made this whole thing into an experience, the way other people treat going to the ballet, and he is looking forward to it. So much so that he ends up arriving at the theatre twenty minutes before their agreed meeting time, and cannot go inside because he holds all the tickets.

Regina is the first to arrive, and when she does, she knocks his socks off. He barely has time to pick his jaw up off of the floor before she leans in for a hug that he readily returns.

She is stunning tonight. Robin is so used to seeing her in a leotard and tights that he forgets how mind-numbingly gorgeous she is when she gets all dressed up. She's in this skin-tight, deep blue three-quarter length sleeved dress, and oh, fuck him, she's asking him to help take off her coat, and there is this far too tempting zipper all the way up the back, with fun little ties behind the neck he wants to undo with his teeth.

Holy hell, this is going to be the death of him, he cannot stop staring at her backside as she slings her purse back over her shoulder. He breathes a sigh of tandem relief and disappointment when she faces him again, mourning the loss of that killer view.

"What?" Regina questions, and Robin feels his cheeks go flush from being caught.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. And that dress, I… wow."

He wouldn't normally be this upfront and obvious about his feelings, but he's so struck he can't think of anything else to say. God, he has it _bad._

Killian and August need to get here as soon as possible so he doesn't have any more time to make an arse of himself. Regina and Killian's constant bickering will provide a much needed distraction.

Regina blushes too, and her head tilts down as she looks up at him with this painfully gorgeous, touched expression. "Thank you."

She smiles broadly, then teases, "That wasn't exactly the reaction I was expecting, but it's nice to know I didn't waste my money on this one."

"You most certainly did _not_." The urge to flirt is so strong, but he cannot, so he says, "Daniel's a lucky man."

Regina snickers, then attempts a wink as she tells him, "He hasn't seen it yet."

Fuck, is she flirting with him? No, she can't be, she wouldn't be. Keep the conversation on Daniel, the man she loves. "Mmm, poor him."

"Or lucky you guys…"

Robin nods, "Definitely lucky us."

"You are very good for the ego, you know that, right?" Regina remarks as she leans to the side, stretching out something that's sore.

Robin's whole body is sore, but he doesn't really feel it anymore. He tells her, "I try," and it doesn't go much further than that because August and Killian arrive, August immediately blaming Killian for the fact that they are two minutes late.

They all laugh as August explains how he practically dragged Killian out the door when he started to fiddle with his hair again after having spent twenty minutes on it. Regina sasses him for trusting the "pirate" to be on time, and with that, Robin's moment with Regina is broken, but that's likely for the best.

* * *

Regina hasn't spoken to her boyfriend in two weeks, has been avoiding and dodging his calls. Daniel is not stupid, he figured out quickly what was happening, and he knows her temper well, so he'd just asked earlier in the week that she call him tomorrow some time, something she'd agreed to stop the texts and calls. It worked, and she lost that lance of guilt she felt every time she ignored him, and that flare of annoyance that came along with it.

She's a terrible girlfriend. There was a time when Regina spent practically every moment she wasn't dancing talking to him or thinking about him. Now she's gone two weeks without talking to him, the longest they've ever gone.

She is punishing him, but not really for this, for all of it. For forcing her to choose, for making her give this up, for not coming to the best show she's ever been in.

That's not what a good partner does, she is the one who made the choice to do it, to give it all up. She decided he was worth it, he is worth it, and she's not treating him like he is.

She needs to stop it. And she will… tomorrow. Today is all about the ballet Regina is so sad to see end. She had her very last performance that afternoon, and it was bittersweet. She and Robin danced beautifully, easily, and she felt amazing as it ended, only to be hit with a wave of sadness when she realized that was it. She'll never do that role, those steps, again. She'd ran home to take a quick nap between shows, before returning to watch closing night from the audience.

They even have their own seats tonight, Robin having snagged a set of last-minute tickets from the Box Office that morning. The left over seats are supposed to be first come, first serve, two hours before curtain, but as he has before, Robin sweet-talked his way into getting them early so they wouldn't have to wait.

Killian and August are watching with them, but they are split up. They didn't even have to argue over who was sitting with Robin, Killian took the front row seat, and August claimed Robin's too chatty, so took the other solo seat.

Regina's so sad that this is it for Romeo and Juliet, but also excited to have a break. Performing so much has been hard on her body. She doesn't bounce back quite as easily as she used to, just another reminder that she's getting too old for this.

This performance marks the end of their full season, though they still have the short choreography spotlight at the end of June. That is much more relaxed, and far less strenuous. She'll have one to three dances depending on casting, a maximum of fifteen minutes on stage instead of two hours. It's a highlight as a younger dancer, because it's the one sure-fire chance to be featured in a piece.

Now that Regina's older and more experienced, she still looks forward to the festival, but it's different. Dancing is always fun, but it's also stressful and strenuous. That festival is the one time she doesn't feel any of the stress, where she enjoys the whole process top to bottom.

She's watched some of the videos, Gold uploaded all of them earlier in the week to a private Youtube link, but she has yet to finish. It's not a requirement that they watch them, but Regina likes to get a sense of what dances are out there, so she knows what she's doing when Gold posts the casting.

Robin hasn't watched any of them, likes to focus on the present, not on future shows until the current is over, something she can understand. He suggests that they watch the rest tomorrow afternoon, have a lazy hungover day on the couch, and it sounds like a great idea, except…

"I have to talk to Daniel tomorrow," Regina reminds Robin, before taking a sip of the champagne he'd surprised her with.

He's gone all out tonight, is dressed up in khakis, a pinstripe tie, and a blue button-down that really brings out his eyes. The sleeves are cuffed for now, but she knows they'll be unbuttoned and rolled up by the time they hit the club, if not before.

Robin grimaces, "Oh, right, I knew that. When are you talking to him, again? I could come over after."

She and Daniel hadn't set a time, but that actually works well for Robin who tells her he wants to sleep in as long as possible tomorrow to help ward off the inevitable hangover. They agree she'll text him when she's done with Daniel, then he can come over and they'll watch the videos.

"If you start to get bored, you can always watch the first eight or so, I can't remember exactly which one I stopped on, but you'll know when you watch it."

Robin raises his brows, "How so? It's not terrible, is it? Not like that one I had last year?"

Regina laughs at the memory, a couple of the pieces last year were super modern, and it's not a style Robin is comfortable with, so naturally, he got stuck with the abstract modern solo piece. He danced it well, but it was obvious he wasn't comfortable in it, and she doubts Gold would do that to him again.

And besides, "No, nothing like that yet, the one I'm thinking of, where I stopped, it's very, uh… sexual."

There's no way around that description because it was, the choreographer and his partner were in nude skimpy bodysuits as they rolled all over each other. It was a beautiful piece, but it's pure sex expressed through dance.

"How racy? _Petit Mort_ racy?"

They'd done Petit Mort the year before in a compilation of shorter ballets, the comparison is apt, since they danced nearly nude, and the men had swords that were clearly phallic. "Perhaps even more so."

"Oh damn, well that will be an interesting one for whoever gets it."

"Killian is going to love it, it's right up his alley; I'm betting it goes to him."

Robin sets down his now empty glass, "Mm, you'll have to tell him about it at intermission. Oh and speaking of Killian, did he mention he's hosting a post-closing pre-going out thing at his place?"

He did, told Robin about it while she was there, which she reminds him of. Robin just shrugs, "Shows make me brain fried, you know this."

They do for her too, but Regina can't help teasing him, "You might not even need to remember it. You sure you are going to make it that long?" gesturing to his empty flute.

"I'll have you know I can hold my liquor better than anyone," he quips, then smiles impishly, "In fact, we're celebrating; let's go, Ms. Mills, I've only got three minutes to grab another round."

Regina laughs, but does as asked. They're celebrating, and it's not like two flutes of champagne is going to get them loaded.

It does however make Robin chatty. He has the good sense to keep all his comments to low whispers, but there is a lot of commentary, most of it humorous, and she has a hard time controlling her laughter.

When Belle places David's hand on her heart, Robin leans in and she knows what he's going to say before it comes out of his mouth. "Remember all the accidental boob grabs?"

Regina snickers and nods because yes, she does. The memory tickles her, the many times she placed his hand too low, so he was groping her boob instead of resting on her heart.

"Yes," she whispers back, "and remember all the times you got me in trouble for that?"

He'd taken to squeezing her boob if she put his hand in the wrong spot, and it had made her laugh so hard she couldn't continue, earning herself a nice scolding from Gold. She doesn't know why she had so much trouble setting his hand on her chest, but it was a struggle for a while and entertainment for them both.

When the duet ends, and the audience roars with applause, he turns to her, smiles, and warms her heart with his declaration that she was a better Juliet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wrap party brings Robin and Regina a little too close

By the time the wrap party arrives, Regina's buzzed off of the champagne Robin kept buying, and the shots Killian insisted they take between acts. She has a glass of vodka soda in hand, and they toast to a rousing success, before descending on the decadent buffet.

Gold leaves shortly thereafter, not interested in hanging out with his dancers post-performance when things start to get wild, and she doesn't blame him.

There's plenty of food, plenty of booze and people are riding the high of finishing a show.

Earlier she'd shown Killian a clip of the sexy dance for the festival, and sure enough, he's claimed it as his own, insisting he'll be "right pissed off" if it goes to anyone else. She doubts it will, he's perfect for it, but she almost hopes it does just to see his reaction.

He's over with Robin and the other guys, who are shoving their faces full of second helpings from the buffet, no doubt fueling up before they get stupid drunk tonight.

Regina forgets about the hierarchy sometimes, but it's obvious now, the younger unranked dancers are in three groups scattered around the back corners together. They aren't a large company by any means—the New York City Ballet has as many Principals and Soloists as they do total company members—but they also aren't tiny. While she's not sure the exact number of artists they have right now, Gold usually keeps it around forty.

And in this room of more than forty because of the supplemental dancers, she can count seven distinct groups. The three sets of corps members, the supplementals who aren't former Ballet West dancers, a smattering of Soloists and Demi-Soloists at tables, the party hard leading men at another, and the rest of the upper ranks of the company are with her, scattered around the open bar that Jefferson's tending with Merlin.

Jeff's a former Ballet West dancer, he left the company three years ago when his wife tragically died, leaving him alone to care for their daughter, Grace. She must be in the care of her grandparents tonight because he's drinking up a storm, something he wouldn't do if he was going home to her.

Then there's Mary Margaret Blanchard, she's sitting at a small corner with Emma Swan, her closest friend who is August's girlfriend, and also Killian's ex.

Ballet is incestuous like that. Kathryn was with David for seven years, Belle and Will are engaged, Aurora and Philip live together, then there's some of the younger dancers who are paired up, Al and Jasmine, and Ruby and Mulan, plus others she probably just doesn't know about. She doesn't tend to keep up on the gossip though Kathryn always tells it to her. That's how she knows Emma was with Killian then August, and that Killian likes to "date" other dancers. He probably has someone right now—she should ask him tonight. Then there's whatever's going on with Mary Margaret and David.

It's a part of the business, and Gold doesn't care about workplace fraternization as long as it doesn't affect the dancing, or cause _him_ any problems. Regina remembers vividly when he scolded Kathryn in front of everyone for being childish after she got short with David, a mere three weeks after they had separated.

All the dancers in the company work closely together, forty weeks out of the year, and a dancer's life doesn't leave much time for a social and dating life. She has Daniel but that's only because they met when he was in college at the University of Utah, and had a very flexible schedule. It got harder when he was in medical school, but at least then he was still here in Salt Lake City.

It's difficult sometimes being with a non-dancer, they don't get it, don't understand the passion, drive and need to dance. It's something she's struggled to try and explain to Daniel, but she also likes that he's not a part of it, that she can get away from it all when she's with him.

Regina misses him suddenly, is hit with a wave of longing to see him, for him to be here. He always tries to come to closing night because of the short break they have after it, which allows them to have more time together, and he's often here with them for these moments.

She wishes he was here now, that she could wrap her arms around him and spend all night celebrating with him, doing all of these things with him by her side.

She should text him, tell him she's thinking about it, help smooth over some of the hurt she knows she's caused by ignoring him the last several days.

Regina's been being petty, and for what? It accomplished nothing aside from hurting the man she loves. She's supposed to make him happy, and instead these last couple of weeks she's been the source of his unhappiness. She needs to say she's sorry, needs to show him that she cares.

But then glasses are being raised to the sky and she's being reminded by an already drunk Killian that Emma Swan is soon to be departed from the company. He slurs through a ridiculous toast to her last show with Ballet West, one that has everyone laughing over what could have been a sad moment. Emma's contract wasn't renewed in the spring, and Regina can't imagine it's been easy for her to work through these last weeks of her contract, knowing that she isn't wanted here.

The toast takes the last of Regina's vodka soda, and when she returns from getting a refill at the bar, Kathryn is nowhere to be seen.

So Regina strikes up a conversation with Belle, and they laugh at the guys' antics as Killian makes them all do a round of what must be absolutely disgusting shots—par for the course with Killian, he likes his liquor cheap and it always tastes it.

"Have you decided on a date for the wedding?" Regina asks, and Belle nods.

"Not a firm date, but the off-season next year for sure. We're going to plan it all this year for next year, because I don't want to be worried about wedding planning during our season. I want to stay focused on the dancing, and Will understands that."

Regina does, too, it's one of the things she most admires about Belle, her dedication to the art. She has gorgeous, to die for feet, but most of that is genetics. The rest though, that's hard work, Belle has read practically every book there is out there on ballet, and it's paid off.

One summer Regina asked her for recommendations, and somehow ended up with half a suitcase of books that she frantically read a fraction of at the end of the off-season. She never asked again, though she did enjoy the few she did get through—she was too embarrassed by how few she made it through.

"What are you thinking wedding wise?"

Belle chews her lip, "I'm really not sure; some days I think a small, intimate outdoor wedding, but then I can't imagine not having the whole company there so… we're just going to figure it out over the summer."

"Well, that works, you'll have to let me know what you decide."

"Oh, I will. What about you and Daniel, any plans…"

Regina's not sure whether Belle means to get married or just in general, but she's had some alcohol and she trusts Belle, so she spills her secret. "I'm actually going to be leaving after next season. We want it all, marriage, kids, a big family."

Belle's eyes widen, but she manages to contain her reaction, "Oh, wow, I didn't realize."

She feels immediately defensive, as if that quick look meant Belle thinks Regina doesn't love ballet, but all Regina does is shrug and comment, "I'm not getting any younger."

"Still though, I can't imagine not dancing, even for that. I want kids someday, but that someday seems so far out."

That's a feeling Regina is well acquainted with. "You've got plenty of time. It would be different if he were here, but he's not, and we've been apart for _so long._ "

Belle nods, "That must be so hard."

"It really is."

"Still, a life without dancing. What are you going to do?"

That's something Regina hasn't really figured out yet. "I might teach, or maybe take some time off and just be. I don't really know yet. I'll be with him, that's all that matters. I miss him so much. And I'm really looking forward to living in the same city again, to living _together_. We do that every summer and it's amazing, but it's not the same."

Belle smiles at her, "Well, congratulations, Regina. That's a big move, and I'm happy for you two."

Regina finds herself smiling back as she breathes, "Thank you."

The guys make their way over, effectively ending that conversation. It's then that Regina spies Kathryn, she's beside the bar chatting up one of the supplemental dancers, he's new to them, travels around picking up gigs. Regina knew his name at one point but now she can't remember. Frank, Fred, Finn? It's something with an F, that much she knows for sure—and that Kathryn thinks he's cute.

Another budding romance perhaps? That would be good for Kathryn, even just a fling, she hasn't been with anyone since she and David broke up—well, that Regina knows of anyway. But she can't imagine Kathryn would keep something like that a secret given how she likes to discuss every aspect of her life.

Regina keeps her eyes on them as the rowdy boys try to entice her and Belle into drinking more, because apparently they are teenagers again. Regina is dumb enough to accept a disgusting drink from Killian, but Belle is not. She barely drinks, and that's the way to go, but Regina always gets sucked into the celebratory atmosphere, and ends up before they hit the club.

She's a lightweight, always has been, as are most of the dancers, with the exception of Killian. They don't drink on a regular basis, but when they do, people go hard.

And tonight is no exception.

By the time they all head over to Killian's, everyone's gotten loud and rowdy. Regina is sure they are annoying their fellow pedestrians as Killian starts to sing _Yo Ho and a Bottle of Rum_ , but she's drunk enough she just laughs rather than feeling embarrassed that she's with him.

"Who invited her?" Kathryn hisses once they are all inside Killian's bachelor pad that Regina doesn't understand how he affords. Kathryn's gesturing over to Mary Margaret who's hanging off of David's arm and laughing.

"I'm going to go with David," Regina says dryly.

Kathryn rolls her eyes. "I will never understand what he sees in her."

"What happened to your guy, Frran…"

Kathryn snorts at her terrible attempt to remember his name, "Frederick?" That's it, that's his name, she knew that, she did. "He's not one for clubs so he bowed out."

"Oh, that's too bad."

"I don't blame him, we're getting too old for this, but it's tradition so…"

Kathryn always does this, claims she's over clubbing then will get nice and drunk and be out on the dance floor all night, until the club closes down or Regina convinces her to go home with her (a rarity).

"I'll believe that when I see it," Regina teases, and Robin pops in that moment and asks _What?_

"Kathryn's trying to say she's too old for clubbing."

Robin guffaws, "Oh please, you say that every year, and every year I have to peel your drunk ass off of the stage and put you in a cab."

Kathryn narrows her eyes at them, "I don't like it when you two gang up on me. And not that I'm saying you're right but I'm going to get myself another drink."

"Fetch me a beer, will ya?" Robin tries and earns himself a glare.

"What am I, your bar wench?" Kathryn snaps back, "Get your own damn drink. Better yet, be a gentleman and get ours too."

Regina breaks into peals of laughter at the faux offended face Robin makes before commenting, "You wound me, Miladies, what can I get for you to prove I'm not the rascal you've accused me of?"

Regina laughs harder at _rascal_ , but manages to choke out what she wants between giggles. Kathryn keeps it together until Robin leaves, then she, too, laughs, content with how she got him to play into her hand.

* * *

Regina Mills is going to be the death of him, that's what Robin has decided. He didn't think it could get any better than that dress (god, he's not going to be able to stop fantasizing about that dress) but the outfit she's chosen for the club comes close. She's in a tight, skimpy, red tank top, practically painted on jeans that must be stretchy since he knows she changed so she could dance, and dancing she is. She's swaying her hips, shimmying and getting low with Kathryn, and she looks fucking fabulous.

To most people ballet isn't sexy, but Robin always finds Regina's dancing sensual. This is something else, her grinding on Kathryn at a club to bad pop music, and it's erotic as hell.

Regina cannot look this good when he is this drunk. He has to be careful here or he's going to do something very stupid like beg her to dump Daniel be with him, and that cannot happen.

Robin fucked up the last time they were like this, and he will never ever do that again. He's so damn lucky that that didn't ruin their friendship. He won't ever let it happen again.

He will be a good friend to her if it kills him, it's what she deserves. He's already broken her trust once, and by some miracle, she let him back in. Even if he has more chances, he doesn't want them. She deserves a friend who treats her well, and he'll be damned if he screws up again. She deserves better than that.

There is a pole on the stage, and if she does anything on it, Robin may actually die. He's managed to fight off any inappropriate erections from a combo of the booze and reminding himself what she would think if she ever found out how hard he's been lusting after her, but if she gets up on that pole he might lose all self-control and embarrass the hell out of himself.

What happens next is both better and worse at the same time. Regina saunters over to him with that sinful hip sway and pulls him in to dance with her. Her arms are on his neck as she shakes it off, and he places his on her hips. He wants so badly to rest them on her arse, to feel it in his hands, but that is not what they do and he _cannot_ do that, that is off-limits.

But god, the feel of it the last time, the memory is so tangible he can almost feel the phantom of it in his hands.

No, no, that is bad, Robin cannot be thinking about that. He has to focus on the here and now, on shaking it off with her. He'll make this silly; it's a silly song, he can be silly.

That helps for a while, dancing ridiculously, showing off moves like the sprinkler that have her howling with laughter. Robin makes it his mission to keep her laughing, which Killian makes an easy feat by taking over the pole.

He's gyrating his hips against it and Robin is pissing himself laughing. This might be the funniest thing he has ever seen in his life, made even better by how serious Killian is about it. Killian is trying to be sexy, but it's just so ridiculous all they can do is laugh and egg him on.

Robin chokes on his laughter when Killian strips off his shirt, swings it above his head and tosses it into the crowd.

There are actual tears in his eyes when Killian takes a bow, and leaves the stage, somehow with a girl.

That man is something else. A forever source of entertainment.

"How much is it going to cost to get you up on that poll?" Regina asks and normally that would be a hard no, but Robin hasn't seen her this happy in ages, and he's willing to make a complete arse of himself to continue it.

"I will if you will," he shoots off without thinking, and she raises her brows, gesturing for him to go first, and shit, okay, here he goes.

Robin doesn't get as many cheers as Killian, but he is also aware of how ridiculously dumb he looks doing this, so he hams it up, purposefully making it as ridiculous as possible to stave off the embarrassment.

When he leaves the stage, Regina and Kathryn are still cheering him on, and he means to tell her she doesn't need to go up, but she's already on the stairs.

He couldn't take his eyes off of this if he tried. Where he and Killian gyrated against it, she hoists herself up legs wrapped around it and spins around the poll.

Of course Regina has pole dancing skills—she's bloody perfect—of course she can do the sexiest dancing known to man.

It's incredible torture to watch her work that pole, but he wouldn't trade a minute of it. Her eyes are bright, shining; she is having fun up there and that's all that matters.

She had to have taken a class or something, because she is far too good at this, is currently leaning back, legs wrapped around the pole and only one arm holding on. She turns her head and looks directly at him, and he feels so many things it's unreal. More than anything, he wants to scoop her into his arms and kiss her senseless, but that is not in the cards for them.

When she finishes, Robin cannot resist putting an arm around her waist as he tells her how fabulous she looked up there, and she bites her lip, blushing softly at his compliment before asking him to dance with her.

She leads him out into the centre of the dance floor and she's just so happy, she's radiant and he can't stop smiling in response.

Robin ignores the exhaustion that's starting to set in because he does not want to miss this. He will stifle every yawn and ignore the heaviness in his limbs, the pain in his feet, if it means he can spend another minute dancing with her.

They are in this little bubble of them having fun together, and he never wants it to end.

The DJ is the one who ruins it by playing a slow song in a fucking club. Robin is not the only one who groans at the change, but Regina puts her arms around his neck, leans into his chest and starts to sway. He is now very grateful for the change of mood because this is heaven.

His world narrows down to just her, the feel of her in his arms and how right it is, the smell of her hair, the warmth of her body. His hands never stray from safe territory on her back—he will not make that mistake again—but he cannot resist turning his nose down to her hair and inhaling that intoxicating apple coconut mix.

Regina Mills in his arms must be what heaven feels like. There can't be anything better than this.

She looks up at him, and god, she is so painfully beautiful, those bright, expressive eyes locked on his, warming his middle with her soft smile.

They are chest to chest, pressed flush against each other, eye to eye wearing twin smiles. His is smitten and lovesick, where hers is happy, radiant, and gorgeous. Robin wants to stay in this moment forever, all wrapped up in her.

But too quickly the song ends, and when it does, they pause, breathing each other in, and there's a tension there, a weight, and he thinks she might be feeling it, too. Robin can't move, can barely breathe, as she looks at him.

She jumps back suddenly, eyes wide, her hand clutching over her chest as she breathes out a, "Sorry," and rushes away.

No, no.

Godammit.

Robin cannot have her feeling guilty over that, that was _nothing_.

Fuck, dammit. He's done it again. He never should have danced with her, not after what happened the last time they did this. He's a tosser, a git, an utter areshole.

Regina's halfway out the door by the time he catches up to her. Her head is downcast and she won't look at him. Fuck, fuck.

She pleads softly, "Robin, please just let me go home."

He won't touch her, won't physically restrain her, but Robin keeps at her side as he begs, "No, please, Regina, don't leave. I'm sorry."

He can't leave them like this, cannot bear to see her in pain, of his causing, he has to make this right somehow.

Regina stops powerwalking, looking him in the eye for the first time since their dance, and fuck, her eyes are watery. "I'm tired, I just need to go home."

She's not. This is because of him, because he kissed her in February, and now she can't dance with him without feeling like she's doing something wrong. This is all his fault, and he should be the one leaving. "I am tired, exhausted really, I'll leave. You stay and have fun. I won't bother you anymore."

Regina's expression softens then, "Robin, it's okay. I'm just done for the night, we're fine."

That's bullshit. She is not fine; Robin knows her better than that. She's too nervous right now, and she's never nervous with him (well except in the first few days after Valentine's Day, but they sorted that out by agreeing never to talk about it). "I am also done for the night, I have been for a while. Can I please just see you home?"

He wants to add a "should be fine if we really are fine," but that's a surefire way to set off Regina's temper, which he's a little afraid of. He's been on the receiving end of it before, it's not an experience he ever wants to repeat.

She flinches, "I don't think that's a good idea."

Robin is not giving up that easily. "Let's share a cab at least. My place is on the way to yours." Regina doesn't speak for a minute so he continues, "You didn't do anything wrong. We were just two friends having fun."

She sighs, "If that were true, I wouldn't feel so guilty right now."

He aches for her, for her torment, even as a small part of him clings to a barmy notion of what that could mean, what it can't mean. That right there is why they would never work, he's too selfish, too caught up in his own crush to be wishing the best for her, which is what a good friend would do.

"Regina, please. It's been a long few weeks, let's get you home and to bed. Things will look different in the morning, I promise."

She sucks in a breath, her one hand resting on her stomach the way it does when she's upset about something she's done. God, he is making this worse not better. Why does he keep fucking this up? "Oh god, Robin, I'm sorry. I… I didn't mean to ruin your night."

Robin touches her then, one hand resting lightly on the top of her arm where she can shrug it off easily. He cannot resist the impulse to physically comfort, not now. "You didn't. You made it better. I wouldn't have had half as much fun without you."

He should not say this, but the words rush out of their own volition, "God, I'm going to miss this so much next year. I can't imagine having these nights without you, don't want to think about Ballet West without you."

Her eyes are glassy again as she croaks, "Me either. So let's not right now, please."

She wants a change of subject, he knows that, so he searches for something funny to break the mood, and remembers Killian's performance.

They laugh over his ridiculousness until their cab arrives. Robin knows they should talk about what happened, but he's too chicken and too scared to rock the boat. So when Regina starts scrolling through her social media, he pulls up his own and lets the ride proceed in silence.

He does ask that she text him to let him know she gets home safe, which she eyerolls over, but acquiesces.

Robin gets Regina's text ten minutes after he gets in his door, and he takes a small comfort in the fact that she's not avoiding him, which he feared she would.

He just hopes things get better in the light of day, and not worse.

He cannot lose her, not like this.


	7. Chapter 7

Regina has lunch delivered to Daniel's, a steak sandwich from his favourite place. Where he sends flowers—she got an incredible set delivered to her apartment on opening night—she sends food. It's not enough to just say sorry, she wants to show it, in every way she can.

With the distance, those little gestures to show you are thinking of the other go a long way, and Regina has been utterly failing at showing Daniel that she loves him.

That ends now. Daniel said he'd call her this morning, so she texted him as soon as she woke up, offered up a _good morning handsome_ , then ordered the food. She'd woken up early, sluggish, itchy-eyed and achy, but unable to fall back asleep.

She somehow only has a whisper of a headache, just a slight pressure between her eyes, and she counters it with an anti-inflammatory. She should eat, but the idea of food right now is thoroughly unappetizing, so she just lays in her bed, waiting.

Regina's not normally so sluggish, but she always sleeps poorly when she drinks, and last night brought with it an anxious guilt that made it even harder to sleep.

She doesn't know what she was thinking, hanging off of Robin like that, getting _that_ close to him. She's used to having Daniel with her, and that's fine to do with him, but not with Robin. While technically nothing happened, she feels horribly guilty, and she knows why.

No wonder Daniel didn't want to come see her. He knew what she didn't, and how can he even trust her after that? Regina's a terrible, terrible person, and she does not deserve him, does not deserve to have someone so pure love her, when she takes it, twists it and does her very best to fuck it up.

Robin is an attractive man, a great man, but she loves Daniel, and has to stop whatever this is where she hangs off of Robin when she's drunk.

There should never be sexual tension with her best friend, only with Daniel. She doesn't know what's wrong with her, this isn't her, before they kissed she never thought of Robin like that. She wondered, in a purely curious way, what it would be like to be with him, but that was all. She still doesn't really understand what was going through her head when she kissed him, or last night but she knows it _has_ to stop.

Her phone ringing startles her, and she nearly drops it, even though she's been awaiting the call. It's a videochat, and she grimaces, knowing she looks like a hot mess after last night.

But she wants to see his face, so she sucks it up, cursing herself for not moving to make herself look nice for him. Daniel always says he likes her best like this, all natural no frills, and maybe that's true sometimes, but Regina has seen herself today, and it's not true today.

Daniel's face lights up her screen and she smiles as soon as she sees it. God, she misses him, misses him so much. That beautiful dark hair, those gorgeous lips, the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, which still makes her heart race and her belly warm.

He greets her with a, "Hi, baby, how are you feeling this morning?" as she tries not to get too caught up in the sight of him.

"Surprisingly, okay. I didn't really drink anything at the club and that for sure helped. That and the Pedialyte. I'm convinced that stuff is a life saver, so happy you introduced me to it."

He snickers at that, and he looks so good doing so. Regina's missed seeing him happy, missed making him happy, and she breathes, "I missed you. I'm so sorry, I was being an idiot, and unfair. I—"

"No, I was, I'm so, _so_ sorry, baby. I should have been there. I should have made _something_ work. I was being stupid, and jealous, and just an overall idiot. I am so sorry, can you ever forgive me?"

His eyes are deep and pleading, and it lances guilt through her because, "You have nothing to be sorry for. _I'm_ sorry. I love you, and you don't push away someone you love like that."

"You do if it's earned and I earned it, baby. I know that now. I knew it then and I did it anyway. It was terrible of me, and I know why you were angry. I deserved it. I'm just sorry I put you in that position to begin with."

She is not going to cry, she's not, there are tears in her eyes, but she will not let them fall. God, she just loves him so much. Regina wants him here, now, wants to cuddle up with him and spend her whole day wrapped in his arms. "I love you so much, and I knew it would be hard for you to come. I should have… I don't know, done anything but ignore you for two weeks. That wasn't fair."

"It was so hard not talking to you, but I deserved it after what I did. I thought about coming out to surprise you, but I didn't know how you'd take that, and I… I need to get over it. I _should_ be over it. It's not fair to you that I'm hanging onto what happened when I broke your heart, I know that. I think I finally figured it out…"

The way Regina is sitting is uncomfortable and something about the pause makes her acutely aware of it. She needs to move, but she doesn't dare take her eyes off of him yet, she wants him to know he has her full attention.

"I am jealous of him, but not in the way you'd think. I trust you completely, and I'm sorry if I ever made it seem like I didn't. It's just… he has what I long for, all that time with you. I miss you so much all the time, and instead of fixing that by coming to visit you, I followed some misguided impulse when all I needed to do was see you. All I need is you. I'm sorry for missing your big show."

Regina lets out a shaky sigh, all of her residual anger flickering out at his confession. She gets that, she does, this is so hard, the distance is so hard. "I miss you all the time too, you know. I too acted out against my own self-interest. I could have told you why I was mad, could have let it out and it would have been over, could have given you a chance to explain yourself. I…" her back is really starting to protest this position now, "Sorry, one second I need to rearrange."

"Take all the time you need, baby, I'll be right here waiting."

She takes another pillow and props it behind her back, pulling a third up behind her head as she leans against the headboard and wall. "Okay I… crap, what was I saying? Oh god, I'm sorry I don't know what's wrong with my brain right now."

Daniel snickers, "Performances do that to you, it's okay. And something about acting against your own interest, which by the way is a way better way of expressing what I meant. You're ingenious, I hope you know that, and then there was something about giving me the chance to explain."

"Oh right, I, um, I'm still not the best at expressing my feelings. You make it easy, you do, when we are like this, but without seeing your face, or being able to touch you, it's different. I don't know how to explain it. You'd think after eight years I'd be good at this, but I'm really not."

He shakes his head. "You are far better than you give yourself credit for. You are an amazing woman, Regina Mills, I am so lucky that you are mine."

She's beaming at him as she breathes, "I'm the lucky one."

This head shake comes with a broad grin that mirrors her own. "Not as lucky as me. But anyway, tell me all about it, I want to hear everything, every detail."

Regina is so happy they have this again. She missed this, somewhere along the way they stopped getting all sappy and love sick, and she is so glad to have it back. Would have been better if it wasn't precipitated by a fight, but she'll take what she can get.

She lets out a sigh and muses, "Hmm. Okay, where to start… Oh god, my mother's visit, she was in fine form…"

* * *

Robin goes hours after waking up without hearing from Regina, and it's torture. He tries to comfort himself with the fact that they stayed out late and that she'd planned on talking to Daniel first, but that anxious, fluttering and sense of impending doom just grows as the afternoon passes.

He ends up watching the pieces as she suggested, in an attempt to keep his mind off of her.

It doesn't help though.

Each one Robin watches just has him wondering what she thought of it, wondering how she is, wondering if they can ever go back to how they were before. Will he ever be able to make up for that night? Or did it irrevocably alter their friendship, and they've been smiling and dancing around a crack in the foundation that's about to bring it all down.

The idea of losing her as his friend, of losing her in his life, is devastating. The truth is that it's happening this time next year regardless, but he clings to hopes of more time in a way to hold onto his sanity.

A life without Regina Mills in it is one he doesn't want to fathom.

And it may now be his reality.

Robin has done some damn stupid things in his life he wished he could take back, spent hours and hours fretting over things he can now look back and laugh at, but he has never regretted anything more than those kisses. He never should have let that happen, he knew she was not in the right headspace but he did it anyway, traded a few moments of bliss for Regina's trust, and he will never forgive himself for that.

Robin doubts he will ever stop kicking himself for it. He's been pining after her _for years_ , and after all that, he threw five years of friendship down the toilet for a hot, drunken make out session. It was absolutely moronic.

Thank god Regina signed her contract for next season, thank god he has another year of trying to make up for that mistake.

Robin just hopes she talks to him over that year. It's more than he deserves, but he knows she wants to soak up her time with all her friends here before she leaves, and he wants desperately for that to include him.

If it doesn't, he will understand, will hate every single moment of it, but will understand.

Robin lets out a long, drawn out sigh as he checks his phone for the thousandth time that day to find no messages.

His stomach is in knots, his head dully aching, and while he's pretty sure the booze is partially at play, some of that wonky feeling is a direct result of his poor choices, and wondering if he'll ever be able to earn his best friend back.

He's supposed to be watching the dances, and normally that is something he cannot take his eyes off of, but today he is distracted.

Robin is halfway through a dance he doesn't even remember starting, and he's just not feeling it. The dance is fine, and another time he'd probably enjoy the simplistic, drawn out movements, how they lend themselves to showing off technical prowess, but right now he just doesn't care.

It's a female solo anyway, so he has absolutely no chance of dancing it, unless Gold goes really out there this year. Given how traditional their boss is, Robin figures he has no cause for concern.

So he skips it, because he is not in the right headspace for it, and watches the next dance, trying to keep his focus on it and not all of his mistakes.

This one is easier for him to keep concentrated on, it's up and down, lots of leaps and bounds, moves to the floor and popping back up. It's hard choreography, will be a challenge for whoever gets it, and that is something Robin always enjoys.

If there wasn't a stupid prop he'd be all over it.

Robin hates props, they are the bane of his existence. He is professional, but something about props brings out amauteur hour in himself, and he hates that.

But this is interesting, the black sheet is only used in the ground work, quickly used, quickly discarded, then picked back up next pass down. The precision in movements to avoid the sheet while dancing across the stage, and also always end up within reach of the sheet when on the ground, intrigues him.

As it goes on, the dancer is more and more on the floor, being pulled down by some invisible force, trying desperately to get up and stay up, but ultimately succumbing to the pull, covering themself totally in the sheet and falling still.

He hadn't realized until halfway through that's what was being built up to, so he starts it over again, and quickly realizes this choreography is masterful. The character starts off almost immune to the pull, subtle movements showing how the floor tugs at them, but they bound back up. As the dance goes on, the jumps get lower, the pull gets stronger, and they fight and fight against the undertow, until it finally pulls them under.

Robin is left gobsmacked, and he has to get this piece. It's so deep, so meaningful, and it hits on themes and experiences he wishes more dances would cover.

To him, the best dances cover the full range of human experiences, not just falling in love, being betrayed, or fighting off enemies, but inner struggles, the demons and battles inside a person's head.

It was a strong choice to have the pull win over the struggling dancer, and Robin loves the piece even more because of that. It's not weak to stop fighting, sometimes that's all you can do.

His mum would have loved this one, would have drawn the same connections from it he is.

Robin misses her fiercely now, wishes he could call her, gush over this amazing piece and hear her light, lilting voice one last time. He wants to tell her that he loves her, that he misses her so much, ask her if she's doing okay, tell her that it's not fair, it's not—

He doesn't realize he's crying until a tear falls down his cheek, and shit. He should stop this, but guilt floods him, because when is the last time he cried over her, the last time he thought about her…

Robin pulls up the album of pictures on his phone, more tears falling as he looks at her smiling, something he saw far too seldom. All the pictures are the same, her laughing, smiling or faking it, except one. She hated that picture; Robin took it one day when she wasn't looking, and it's not flattering, but it's real, it's her, how she often was, her eyes sunken, expression blank, the weariness evident in the way she slouched in her chair.

He knows she would want him to remember the good, but this was so much a part of his childhood, a part of their relationship that he could never block it out. He may not have fully understood at the time why he was taking it, or why she would get like that, or even why it annoyed her so much when he eventually showed it to her, but as he got older, learned more, experienced more, felt more, he got it.

Robin will never know exactly what she felt, but he can imagine, and she is the one who showed him it's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to cry, to not feel okay. She gave him an appreciation for the highs, for all the beauty in life, for the simple pleasures.

He hopes somehow his mum knows that. Knows that he loves her, knows that the reason he tries not to dwell on her death and the circumstances is because of all that she taught him.

Maybe he shouldn't want to do this dance, if this is how sombre it's going to make him. But to him it's an homage, and he thinks he could do it justice.

Robin watches it again, then looks at his photos of her, that video of her singing him Happy Birthday purposefully off key, and repeats it, again, and again and again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin and Regina get together to watch the festival pieces and Regina has a meeting with Gold.

Robin doesn't end up going over to Regina's until that evening, she was caught up with Daniel and he was caught in grief, love, and longing.

He never watches past the seventh piece—aptly titled, _Consumed by the Darkness_ —so Regina will have to watch a few repeats, but she doesn't seem to mind.

She's happy, really, truly happy, and Daniel did that for her. This is why she is leaving, this is why—though it kills him—this is the right move for her.

Regina should have it all, the career, the love, the family, but he knows first hand how unfair life can be, and she's figured out what she needs to be happy.

Robin has to respect that. He needs to be better, needs to try harder, needs to appreciate Daniel for giving her this.

He will gladly take this twisted guts feeling that comes along with seeing her so happy with someone else as his penance. It is well worth it to see her smile. All he wants is for her to be happy, and happy she is right now.

That dreamy, lovey smile is something he could never put on her face, that is all Daniel. Daniel and dance. Only one of those is time-limited, and only one prevents her from having the family she's always wanted.

He, too, wants kids someday, but that goal is in some ways easier for him. It's easy to keep dancing as a father, but as a mother, it's unheard of. Robin hates how sexist the dance world can be, and how ageist it is. It wasn't always like that, in the seventies and eighties people would dance into their forties and fifties, and even beyond. Alicia Alonso danced into her seventies, something he has a hard time wrapping his head around but wishes was an option these days. Now it's like the moment a dancer turns thirty, the clock is ticking. He has slightly more time by virtue of being male, but he, too, feels the clock ticking down, and has from the moment he turned twenty-five.

Robin's not even a principal yet, and that should be the focus, reaching the top rank, the pinnacle of his career. It is, but there's also that fear he will start to decline that niggles in the back of his mind, made more prominent by his friends' upcoming retirements.

He's not the oldest in the company by a long shot, but he's in the upper third.

Robin tries not to dwell too much on that, tries to be in the present, enjoy the here and now, but every so often it gets him.

As he knows Regina will understand, he voices it before they start, tells her how his age and the time left is bothering him today.

She grows soft and understanding as he rants about it. It's not the first time she's heard this rant from him, but she acts like it is, is sympathetic and understanding, such a great friend.

God, he cannot lose this. They have to stay friends when she leaves somehow.

When he runs out of steam, Regina's hand is resting on his arm and she comments, "The young ones nipping at our heels don't help with that either. I swear Gold is finding them younger and younger, promoting them faster, and it's hard. I know we're replaceable, I get it, but it sucks to have it thrown at you so often. Sometimes I feel like 'why do I bother? There's always going to be someone better, younger, more beautiful' but… I can't stop. If I could, I would have left when Daniel got his job. Even with all the shit, I love it and I know you do, too."

"I do, and I don't think I'm at the top of my game yet. I look at how I was dancing last year, and I'm better, but there is that sense of _when will that end_? When will I stop improving, when will it get harder to do what I'm doing now? I've plateaued before, I can work through that even if it is frustrating as hell, but the idea of being unable to improve drives me barmy and scares the living shit out of me."

Regina nods vigorously, "Oh, me too. And I know I'd be one of those people who'd work myself into the ground to try and prevent that from happening. In some ways, I'm glad I won't get there because honestly, I think it would destroy me."

They both sigh and just look at each other for a moment wearing twin resigned expressions.

Regina taps his arm and assures him, "You are nowhere close to that though. You've got a long time left before that happens to you. And hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you are the break the mold guy, if you end up dancing into your fifties. I think you'd adapt to changing circumstances better than you'd think. I couldn't handle it, but I think you could and I think you could work through it to still dance incredibly even when your body starts to protest."

She could do that, too, he knows she could, she would adapt and be remarkable, Robin's sure of it.

It will never come to fruition, but he knows it. It really is a shame she'll never do it.

"You could, too, you know," Robin comments and she just laughs.

"Please, the moment I plateau it's like my whole world is ending. I've had enough of that when it was temporary."

He shakes his head, "I really think you could."

Regina rolls her eyes, "You're just trying to keep me around to prove you wrong."

He chuckles, "Oh yeah, that's it, you got me."

Her eyes twinkle in that oh so captivating way as she teases, "See, I _knew_ it."

Robin is staring at her, he can't stop himself. This is one of those things he needs to stop if he's going to be a better friend to her, but she's so beautiful like this.

Regina breaks the moment with a stretch that pops her back with a loud snap and they both snicker over the sound.

"So where did you watch until?" she asks him, and Robin cues up the right piece. Since Regina has already seen it, she abandons him for her kitchen to refill her water and grab them some snacks.

She joins him on the couch again when the piece is ending and it occurs to him, "Where is Kathryn? I haven't seen her at all."

Regina smirks, "That's because she's not here, she's on a date."

"With that Fred guy?"

Regina nods, "One and the same. I'll be surprised if she makes it home tonight. She was pretty clear if he wanted to she was going to, you know."

"Good for her, a much better call than Killian."

Regina scoffs, "As if she would ever. I feel sorry for anyone dumb enough to do that."

And oh, she must not know then. It's not Robin's to tell, so he keeps his mouth shut, but something about his expression must tip Regina off because she squeals, "Oh my god. No, no. She _didn't!_ "

Shit. Nice one, Robin. He bites at his lip, debating what to say, but the cat is clearly out of the bag. "Do _not_ tell her I told you. I just assumed you knew. It was pretty soon after the divorce. Knowing Killian it probably wasn't a great experience for her. He bragged about it to all the guys, it was actually David who told him to shut it. I don't know what else he said, but Killian never mentioned it again, so whatever it was, it worked."

Regina's mouth is open and she looks flabbergasted. "Yeah, I had _no idea_. Oh my god. Wow. But , _really_. No wonder she never said anything."

Robin nods, "Yeah, Killian's well, Killian."

"And with how I disparage him and his conquests so regularly…"

Robin chuckles because yes, she does do that, and it's extremely entertaining.

They've missed nearly all of this second dance, but the bits he caught weren't enthralling so he's not particularly concerned.

When the next one starts, he immediately knows that this is where Regina watched up until.

This is… wow.

Racy, that's for sure. It's surprisingly hot, this dance, and actually quite complex. It's not his style, but it would be a challenge.

Robin imagines for a second doing this number with Regina, and christ, that would be… too much that's for sure.

There's one lift where the woman jumps into the man's arms and he ever so slowly lets her slide down his body pausing when their faces are right in line, and it's so sensual.

That confirms, Robin could never, not with her. That would be too charged, too erotic. A dance like that is best left to the couples, or people who have no interest in each other.

The sexual tension of it would kill him, but god, what a way to go.

It's too warm in this apartment, and his mind is going places it shouldn't. Does this turn her on too, he wonders. Is she as hot and bothered as he is right now?

It's not as if they are watching porn, but in some ways, it feels like it, and he knows she feels about the dance the way he does, so he can't imagine this isn't affecting her in some way.

The thought of it getting to her, of her being turned on too, is far too much for him, and as soon as it's over, ending with music and dancers climaxing, Robin excuses himself to the loo, splashing cold water all over his face and arms, until that flush starts to die down.

God, he hopes they don't get that piece. Robin could not handle that and if he had to bet, neither could Daniel.

If the man couldn't stomach Romeo and Juliet, he certainly couldn't handle three minutes of them up close and personal like that, and he's not the only one.

* * *

Gold likes to have post-season meetings with his dancers. He likes to know how things went, how they felt about the season, and get an overall feel for how they are doing.

It's always a bit uncomfortable. One on ones with a boss always are, and Gold never gives any emotion away. Dancers cry over promotions or firings during contract season and he is stoic. It's unnerving, and while Regina has known him for years she is still nervous as hell about her meeting.

If a dancer gets promoted or fired their meeting is during contract season. If not, meetings occur during the last four weeks of the season, a random session with the boss to get grilled.

Regina never particularly enjoys these, all of once in her whole career has Gold given her a compliment in one, but this is going to be the worst one yet.

The last one ever.

Regina's decided she has to tell him now. He may hold his cards close to his chest, but she has always been open with him, and she can't stop that just because she's leaving. She has to tell him, she owes him that.

But telling Gold makes it real, and that is unbelievably scary.

In a lot of ways, he is a father figure to her, though he's not warm or nurturing at all. But he's been the biggest male presence in her life excluding Daniel and Robin, and he is the one she seeks approval from. She craves it, those rare moments when she will make him smile, when he will use her as the example in class, when he will give that curt nod after a variation, or the corner of his lip upturns ever so slightly.

He may rarely give praise, but it's always genuine, and it just makes her want to impress him even more.

Gold may never have said it but Regina knows he values her as a dancer in his company, he's shown her that in the roles he gives her, in the promotions he's bestowed on her.

He challenges her, has pushed her in ways she didn't think she could handle, but she always rises to the occasion. She loves that he sees in her what she can't, that he believes she can do it when she can't.

Maybe he'll never tell her that but she knows—and it just makes this harder.

Gold is going to be so disappointed in her. He's single, unattached, with no family. This company, that's his love, he will not be able to fathom letting this go. He will think less of her, of her commitment to dance, and that kills her.

But Regina can't not tell him. Not after all he's given her. Gold has a right to know she's leaving, to plan for her retirement. He already knows he's losing Kathryn next summer, she can't have him counting on her to fill in some of those roles.

She knows she wouldn't get promoted next season, knows she has reached the top of her rank within the company, but she also knows he would continue to push her, and she doesn't want that energy wasted. It's time for him to turn his attention to the dancers that will be the future of the company, and stop watching his time on her.

So though it's with a heavy heart that Regina enters his austere office, she resigns herself to having the unpleasant talk.

Gold's office is gray, and drab, the desk black and massive, a matching large black bookshelf to the right of him filled with volumes of dance books she'll never have time to read.

Belle has read them all she bets, and for a second Regina wonders if that's what they talk about in Belle's meeting, if any of the books on this shelf were purchased at her recommendation.

It's a stall tactic, gazing around this office she's been in plenty of times before.

Gold is looking at her, waiting for her to make eye contact, and she lets out a breath, sits up straighter in her chair on the opposite side of the desk and looks him in those steely brown eyes.

"So Regina… How was your season?"

This is how he leads these, with seemingly innocent questions that somehow always have her spilling her guts. How does he do that?

"It was good, really good. Playing Juliet was… such an honour. I never let myself believe it would happen, even when I was learning it I thought for sure it would go to someone else."

He tsks, and she feels the need to defend herself, "I just… I wanted to dance it, so badly, and I know I did well with it, it was a dream come true. I have this tendency to talk myself out of roles I really want, to make the sting less if I don't get it, and I did a lot of that with Juliet. Then when the time came and I had it, I still had all these worries: what if I couldn't do it, what if your faith in me was misplaced. It was silly, but… you know how I am. I put too much pressure on myself."

Gold nods, his face is giving nothing away and it unnerves her even more. "You do do that."

"I loved last season, I feel like I rose to every challenge, and I love doing that. I get stressed, and I get to be a bit much, I know that, but I always end up dancing it well, and that's all I want."

"You have danced well this year, don't think I haven't noticed."

That warms her heart, and simultaneously slices it in two, because Gold believes in her and she is about to let him down. This is the last good thing he will ever say about her, she's never going to have this again.

"What do you want for your future at Ballet West? What do you see yourself doing? What do you want from the new season?

That steals Regina's breath, and her chest tightens, tears flooding her eyes. She cannot speak, just looks at him dumbly, and for once he has a reaction. It's slight, a subtle tension in his face that melts a few seconds later.

She needs to speak, needs to say something, but forming words is too hard right now.

He prompts, "What do you want to dance, what do you want to do?" and the tears start to fall.

Regina chokes out, "I don't know," as a sense of incredible loss floods her. She's not ready for this. This is unfair, she wants more time, wants to cling to this fragile, fleeting, beautiful art form until she's forced to let go.

She shouldn't have to choose, she should not have to be weighing her time left dancing against the love of her life. There shouldn't be this ceaseless countdown that reminds her she's nearing the end.

Even without Daniel, even if she wasn't leaving, the clock would still be working against her and she _hates that._

Gold coughs subtly, drawing her attention and oh god, she is melting down in his office and she hasn't even said it yet, this is so bad.

He asks her, "Do you still want to dance?"

And of course, she does. She would dance until her dying breath if life allowed that, but it doesn't.

Regina manages to stutter out, "I haven't fallen out of love with it," because how could she ever? She never will, that much she knows for sure. Those three and a half years when she didn't dance it was like a piece was missing of her soul. She only felt whole again when she returned to ballet, then cursed herself for staying away for so long.

She thought she felt so empty because she'd lost her father, and that was a part of it, there is a hole in her life because he died, but it was bigger than it needed to be because she abandoned the only other thing she'd loved.

Ballet was their thing, he's come to every show, soothed every disappointment, relished in every triumph. He was her biggest supporter, and at first, it hurt too much to dance without him, but she knows he'd be proud of where she is now. If there is an afterlife, he's watching her and she does her best to put on a good show for him.

Her father didn't know anything about it before she started dancing but when it became apparent how much it meant to her he became an expert.

Regina will never stop loving ballet just like she'll never stop loving her father.

She lets out a shaky, watery breath, and tells her boss, "I'll never stop loving it, but my life is taking me in a different direction and…"

God, she can't say it, needs to, but can't. She just can't.

Gold sighs, "I think I know where you are going with this, and I want you to know, I am going to keep challenging you, keep pushing you because I know you can do it. Even when you don't, I know."

She sobs harder, can't even be happy that he's saying it because she's leaving and this just makes it more devastating to do so. It shouldn't be happening like this.

He goes on, "That dedication is going to take you far, and you have farther to go. You have farther to go _here_ , you are not done or at your peak. You are one of my hardest workers and it doesn't go unnoticed. If you keep it up we may be talking promotion next year. Just something to think about."

Promotion. Oh god, he can't mean that, this can't be happening. Not when she's leaving. How is life this cruel?

"Why don't you go home, Regina. We'll talk again after the new season starts."

She still hasn't told him, but he knows, somehow he knows, and she cannot handle any more of this, so she nods.

Regina's still sniffling as she exits his office, books it to the single-stalled bathroom and cries her eyes out until there are no tears left.

This was not how this was supposed to go, and now she's more miserable about it than she thought possible.

She calls the one person she knows will be able to comfort her: Robin.

She should be talking to Daniel about this, she knows that, but he's at work, and she always feels guilty expressing her conflict about this to him. He doesn't understand her deep love of dance, he can't, and right now she needs someone who does.

It doesn't change anything, it can't.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin gets the piece he wants but puts too much pressure on himself.

"I asked Gold to take me out of consideration for the choreography festival," Kathryn remarks casually as they make dinner, like she hasn't just dropped a bombshell.

"Whoa, wait, you did what?" Regina asks, stopping her chopping to gape at her friend. "Is it your knee, are you okay?"

Kathryn takes her eyes off the sauteing onions, frowning, "Oh no, it's fine, oddly, performance weeks helped, I think because my part had so little dancing."

Regina's brows furrow. "Then what… I don't understand."

Kathryn smirks, the expression staying on her face as she returns her attention to the frying pan. "So you remember Frederick, right?"

"I do…"

"Well, after our date the other night he had to say goodbye, but he mentioned the travelling Swan Lake he's doing over the summer is still looking for a couple dancers. I sent in a tape, and they want me, but rehearsals start in two weeks."

"Oh, congratulations, I'm so happy for you. I can't believe you didn't mention it."

That smirk on Kathryn's face grows, "Sorry, I've been a little, uh, distracted."

Regina raises her brows, "Good distracted?"

"Oh fuck, you have _no idea_. I don't think I've ever had this much sex in my life. And we just, I don't know how to explain it, we click. It feels like we've known each other forever. He gets me, really gets me, and I just… I want to explore that more. So when I told Gold I got this role and I wanted to do it, he was all for it. I honestly think he's pretty done with me, I've plateaued and he's counting down the time until I'm gone."

Regina shakes her head as she bumps Kathryn over with her hip to add in the poorly cut peppers. "No, that can't be true, Gold loves you."

Kathryn snorts, "No, he used to. I'm past my prime now. The way he's cast me this year makes it clear he's ready for the end. I think if I hadn't given my notice he wouldn't have renewed me. And that's okay. I'm going to miss it, but I'm also really excited to do something _new_. There's a whole world out there I've barely explored. I love how Frederick is doing it, jumping into new companies as they need extras, getting to learn from new people, dance with new partners. I feel like that's what keeps you from getting stagnant, and I am stagnant right now. But this is a new show with all new people; it's really exciting. I always used to love going for the touring shows, I'm not really sure why I stopped, that first time was to try and save my marriage, but after that, I should have gone back."

After living together and working together for so long, Regina should have known, but she had no idea Kathryn felt that way, and she tells her as much.

Regina gets a weary smile in response and a softly spoken admission that makes her feel like less of a terrible friend. "Neither did I… until I started talking to Frederick. Even if he and I don't work out, he's given me such a gift. He reminded me how many other opportunities are out there."

It's hard for Regina to fathom being so happy and settled about leaving, but Kathryn has had longer to come to terms with her decision, and maybe someday Regina will feel the same way.

"Well, I am so happy for you, but damn, I am going to miss you. When do you leave?"

"A week and half, I'm so sorry I should have told you sooner, I just, I only got a ticket today and—"

Regina chuckles as she stops her friend. "I'm not mad. Like you said, you've been _occupied,_ which, by the way, I want to hear all about in a minute. I was only asking because it will be weird being around here without you, doing a show without you."

"Well," Kathryn starts leadingly, "It will give you the place to yourself when Daniel gets here, and thank god because let me tell you, those noise cancelling headphones don't work as well as they should."

Regina feels heat rise up her cheeks and she mutters, "Oh, god."

"Yeah, that's the kind of thing I could do without hearing."

"Oh my god, I am _so sorry_ , I had no idea."

Kathryn shakes her head, "It's really fine, you gotta get it when you can. But… thin walls and all. That's why I've been spending so much time at Frederick's AirBnb."

"Oh god," Regina moans and Kathryn winks at her, making her blush harder, "I… I seriously owe you so much, I didn't realize. I swear I wouldn't have, if I knew—"

"Well, if my sex life wasn't such a dreck you might have but…"

She should not bring this up, should pretend she doesn't know and let her friend tell her in time, but she cannot resist, "Speaking of… Robin mentioned something about Killian—"

Kathryn freezes, her eyes widening as her face goes pale. "Oh, _fuck_ , no. You-you know?"

Regina nods, "I do, and um, you might want to give that a stir," she says gesturing to the pan, "the bottom is starting to stick."

Kathryn does as suggested, muttering a few curses under her breath. "Yeah, so, that was a _huge mistake_. Huge…"

Regina lightly grasps Kathryn's arm for a second, "You don't owe me any explanations. We've all made mistakes when liquor was involved. Now, if you tell me there wasn't liquor involved… I might have a different reaction."

Kathryn snorts, "Oh no, _please,_ there was so much liquor. God, so much, too much liquor. Do you remember that time I was hungover for three days?"

Regina laughs, "Yes, no wonder you were so queasy."

"Yeah, that was _rough_. But anyway…"

Accepting the change of subject, Regina peppers Kathryn with questions about her roles, this touring company and her love life until their stir fry is ready.

* * *

Castings for the choreography festival were posted earlier in the week, and Robin is pumped because he got the solo piece he wanted, _Consumed by the Darkness_. The casting for it was different, and that only made Robin want it more. Where most choreographers are just happy to have someone, _anyone_ perform their piece, Neal insisted on having a say in casting—and Robin has no doubt if he hadn't been happy with the options he would have pulled it. It wasn't enough for Neal to just see them dance it, he spoke to all of the guys up for the lead, to ensure they understood his vision.

It's not a courtesy Gold would have extended to anyone else, not something that ever happens, but when Neal explained Gold is his estranged father, it clicked.

Before this casting, Robin was unaware Gold even had a son, and it's clear that that relationship is very strained.

Gold is very hands off of this one, and Robin thinks it will be better for that (not that he would ever mention that to anyone—he's not looking to get himself fired).

Neal has such a vision with this, and Robin is excited to bring it to life, but also full of trepidation. The piece is fucking difficult, and he has not yet mastered (or even come close to) the precision needed to make it work. If he misses the sheet even once the whole thing falls apart, which happens every time he tries to make it through, and there are only two and a half weeks until performances start.

Robin has to do this right, and it's killing him that he can't seem to get it.

Neal is much more patient than he is, assures Robin he will get it, that it will all work out.

Robin doesn't normally stress this much this early, but this piece is so important to him, so he's putting even more pressure on himself than normal.

That's why at seven pm he's still at the studio working. He's sharing the space with Regina and Killian who are trying to master the more difficult lifts in their sensual duet.

Like him, they are very challenged by their piece, and like him are putting in the work to ensure it's perfect.

It's nice to have someone here with him, to have people to talk to, to laugh with and take breaks with. They've been having a lot of laughs tonight, over all the falls and misses Regina and Killian are having.

He managed to catch the best one, where Regina got stuck with one leg around Killian's neck, that one leg stopping her from falling to the ground. None of them are sure how that happened, but the image was truly hilarious, as was how Regina lowered her arms to the ground with Killian's help, in a sort of handstand and rolled off of him.

When no one gets hurt, those mishaps are always comical. Even the one where Killian fell and took Regina down with him had the two of them in stitches.

Robin, too, was laughing when they attempted to start again, but Regina was laughing too hard and slipped. She commented dryly after Killian saved her from falling on her face, "I'm glad your reflexes are better than your sense of style and skills in the bedroom," which had Robin chortling so hard his face started to hurt.

Killian mocked offence over that, but he was still laughing over the earlier mishap, so it didn't land very well.

Their amusement over their mistakes, and the way they take the piss out of each other, are welcome counterpoints to Robin's growing frustration. Hearing them genuinely enjoying the process, those peals of laughter that ring out at random moments, helps to ground him.

Still, Robin can't help but growl when he finally gets close to the end, to finishing it for the very first time, and stumbles on his way down to the floor.

He beats his fists down on the ground, huffing an, "ugh," before standing up to start again because he still can't fucking do this.

"Hey, Robin, you okay?" Killian asks, and Robin looks over at them and nods, through gritted teeth.

"I'll be fine, I just need to get this."

"You will," Regina says, stepping toward him. "You are getting closer, just tonight you've made so much progress."

It doesn't feel that way to him, it feels like he's been given this incredible gift and he is wasting it because he can't fucking do it. It's too damn hard, and he is never going to get it.

He scoffs, "Please," and her eyebrows raise.

Her voice grows softer, sweeter, "I know you are frustrated, but I wouldn't lie to you; it's getting better."

He sighs, "It doesn't feel that way." By now she is close enough to touch him, and she does, pulling him for a hug.

"It will, you'll see."

"Until I know I'm dancing this my best, the best it can be, I'm going to be frustrated," he whispers into her hair and he feels her look up at him, before he turns his eyes down to meet her soulful browns.

"I know, and we're here to help, whatever you need."

Killian speaks up again to echo, "That's right, whatever you need, mate. We're here."

"I'm even agreeing with the pirate," Regina comments. "So you _know_ it's serious."

That nickname came about after Killian had an eye injury that required him to cover his eye for two weeks—and even though it was three years ago, for Regina it stuck. Killian doesn't mind at all, though he pretends to. Killian implicitly encourages it, by dressing up as a pirate for every Halloween since.

Robin sighs again, "Thanks guys, I appreciate that. I'm not there yet, but um, maybe tomorrow you could watch it, give me some tips. I should record it, but I might lose it if I see how truly bad it is."

"Show us now," Killian urges, "If there's something off you don't want to gain more muscle memory of doing it like that. We could use some of that, too, actually, I'm doing something weird in that slow lower to my knees, it's all jerky but I can't figure out why."

For some reason, the idea of showing them makes him nervous, which is ridiculous, practice and learning is a huge part of what they do, it's why they are rehearsing together. But he wants it to be perfect, wants it to be seen only when it's perfect—that's not how this works, and Killian is right, they will probably see things that will help him get out of this rut.

He blows out a long breath, and resigns himself to looking terrible in front of them. Better them than the whole company; they won't judge him, they've all been there before.

Robin might be more nervous to show it to Regina than anyone else though. He's never connected this much to a dance and she is the only one who knows why he's so taken with it. Is the only one who knows bits and pieces of his history, and even then she doesn't know _all_ of it. It's not just about making a fool of himself in front of her, something he's done a hundred times over, it's showing her that he's not dancing this piece the way it deserves

"Okay, let's do this," he breathes, and they both smile, settling themselves at the front of the studio while he cues up the music.

He barely makes it through the first jump sequence before he cocks it up, swearing and stopping as he does so.

"No, don't stop," Regina commands, "just move onto the next bit. The constant stopping is not helping you at all, and you need to know how to recover from the mishaps."

She's right of course, but he still cues up the music to the beginning to start over.

"You can do this, Robin," she says, giving him a wide-brimmed-smile, that unspools some of the tension in his chest. "I know you can."

And with her looking at him like that for a split second Robin feels like he can. That feeling goes away as soon as he messes up again, but this time he recovers and goes on to the next move, which he flubs, too, but at least he's trying, and it does feel slightly better.

* * *

The next few rehearsals are straight up disasters, he has somehow regressed and gotten worse at his piece instead of better.

So even though it's Saturday night, Robin's still in the studio working, getting more and more frustrated as it gets worse and worse.

There's no quitting while he's ahead tonight, since he's somehow like twelve steps behind where he was before, which wasn't even a good place.

At least this time there is no one here to see his failure. Regina and Killian are taking the weekend off, something they can afford to do since their piece actually looks like a dance and not a guy clamouring around the stage like a plonker.

He's not sure how many hours he's been at this for, but enough that he's sore, agitated and starting to feel defeated.

All he needs is one good one, just one, then he can go home, take a long hot bath and rest his weary muscles.

Just one.

It's such a low goal and yet, it's been hours and he has been nowhere close to that.

Maybe he should just give up, but he can't imagine going home after this, feeling this way. He's not a quitter, but this piece is besting him, and his frustration is making it even worse.

He'll take a little break, just a quick one, then it's back to the grind.

Robin checks his phone for the first time in hours, and grimaces when he sees just how many times Regina had texted him. He'd turned it off so it wouldn't be a distraction, something she clearly found out when she called him.

She figured out what he was doing, in fact her first message had been: _You had better not be at the studio right now_

Then half an hour later: _Robin_

And an hour after that: _Omg Robin you are aren't you_   
_Ignoring me won't make this stop._   
_I'll come down there, you know I will_

Then after her call: _I'll give you another hour but if you are still at it and haven't answered me I'm coming to the studio._

That was forty minutes ago, _shit._

Robin calls her in a panic, nearly drops his phone with his haste, but he does not want her coming here. He does not want anyone to see this.

She answers his call with a casual, "It's too late, I'm already on the way."

He won't lie to her, so he doesn't deny where he is or how long he's been at it. "That's not necessary, I'm leaving soon."

"Well, perfect then, meet me outside, we can go for dinner."

"I'm not hungry," Robin tells her and that's true—he probably should be considering he's been dancing for six hours with only a few handfuls of almonds as a snack, but if it's there, he doesn't feel it. His stomach is instead leaden, heavy with the weight of all of his failures.

It's not that he doesn't want to see Regina, he always wants to see her, but he's cranky, irritable and dancing poorly.

But Regina is not deterred by his paltry excuses, "Fine, we'll do something else then. I'll be there in fifteen, meet me outside."

Then she hangs up before he can try to talk her out of it, and ignores his subsequent calls.

Well, that's that then.

He'll just have to make this work somehow in the next fifteen minutes. An impossible feat, but one he'll attempt and berate himself over not achieving anyway.

He tries, fucks up, tries to recover, fucks up again, and it goes on and on. He swears with every mistake, something about vocalizing his frustration taking some of the weight off of his chest. He's the only one here anyway, so fuck it, no one can hear him.

So when he falls onto the ground, Robin lets out a ripe string of curses, just in time for Regina to walk in.

Her eyebrows raise as she takes in the scene, and the vulgar yelling that just occurred. Robin peels himself off of the floor into a seated position as he stammers, "Shit, Regina, I—"

"You _are_ having a rough day, aren't you?"

He tries to shake off his ire, to blow it all away with a long sigh, but it's futile; he's wound too tight for some deep breathing to fix his problems.

So Robin goes for honesty. "I'm having a really shitty day."

Regina smiles softly, sympathetically. "Come on, let's go."

"No, I can't. I _have_ to get this, I can't just—"

"No, what you need is to take a break."

"Regina, look at me," he gestures to himself, "I _can't._ "

She steps toward him, an arm stretching outward to help him up off the floor and he accepts her help, groaning as his muscles protest.

She arches a brow at the groan, and it's then he knows he's lost this battle. She won't leave until he does, and he is tired.

"Go take a shower, Robin, then we're getting out of here. You've been here all day, you've done all you can."

"But—"

"No buts, _go_."

That is the tone you do not mess with, so Robin sighs, and heads toward the showers, belatedly realizing he didn't bring any of his own stuff. He so rarely showers here, prefers to head home and use his own, but that's not an option right now.

There are communal towels and supplies so he'll make do with those. It's really just a quick, de-sweat, since he took a hot shower followed by a bath the night before.

He's in and out in five minutes, uses the forest scented body wash someone left in there, the only one that wasn't that disgusting Axe or marked as someone's.

It actually smelt really good, and he's in the market for a new body wash since the Outlaw stuff he used to use stopped being sold locally. While he could order it online, he prefers not to—not that the generic cheap drugstore brand he's been using is any better for the local economy.

Robin took note of the bottle, Forest, and made a mental note to check out the Bath and Body Works the next time he's out running errands. Something he decides he _has_ to do when Regina remarks that he smells great.

"Are you still pretending you aren't hungry or can I take you for dinner first?" Regina asks, and Robin laughs for the first time all day.

"I'm starved actually," he admits with a sheepish grin, and she smirks, pleased as punch.

"Any preference?"

He knows she's not going to like his suggestion of fast food, but now that he's allowed himself to feel his hunger, it's practically overtaking him and he doesn't want to wait.

Regina ponders that for a second and smiles, "Actually that works well for what I had planned after, come on."

She leads Robin out of the studio without telling him what they are doing and when he asks, she attempts to wink at him (something he always finds exceedingly adorable and this is no exception) and teases him that he'll see when they get there.

He doesn't figure it out until she pushes the stop button on the bus, and they exit just by Bonwood Bowl.

She's giving him a win, which he so desperately needs, and he could almost cry at that revelation, his nerves so fried this simple gesture has him overcome.

Regina is the worst bowler he's ever seen in his life, and while she says she doesn't mind bowling, he knows she hates to lose, and that her lack of skill grates on her because she's such a perfectionist.

They get their lane and head straight to the food, and he straight up laughs when Regina says she's considering a salad. Who gets a salad at a bowling alley? She always does this. When they get fast food, she always contemplates whatever the seemingly healthiest item is before ultimately getting what she actually wants.

He gets the appetizer sampler and some hot wings. He rarely eats fried foods, but it seems he's indulging tonight, and in the spirit of that, he also orders a beer.

He's already feeling better as they head to their lane, not good by any stretch of the imagination, but better, and that in itself is a huge relief.

Regina directs him to go first, and he's too aggressive with his first ball, hurling it down the lane with ample speed but no direction, so it slides into the gutter.

Dammit.

He can do better, he knows he can. On his next swing, he's far more careful, ensuring to release straight, surrendering a little speed for accuracy. His efforts are not in vain as he throws a spare, and yes, finally something is going right for him. He may not be able to get his dance right, but he can throw a ball and knock down some pins. Maybe he's in the wrong field.

Regina gives him a little cheer, when he turns back toward her, then groans as she picks up her ball, warning him against teasing her for her lack of skill.

Both of her balls end up in the gutter and she sighs, throwing her hands up and shrugging it off.

"I suck, we knew this," she comments, and Robin can't help but chuckle.

"Sorry, darling, but you _really_ do."

At that, she whaps him on the arm admonishing him. "Robin, you jerk."

" _Hey_ , you said it first."

She glares at him, "And you were supposed to lie and tell me I'm decent or just need practice, spew some sickeningly encouraging shit."

He snickers, "Sorry, my bad. You've got this, with loads of practice you might throw a spare."

Regina rolls her eyes, "Because that's so much better."

"What? That didn't leave you inspired and motivated?"

She huffs and raises her brows, "Not a chance—"

"I'll just leave this here," the guy from the food stand says, dropping their dinner on the table just behind their lane. "Just a reminder, no eating in the bowling area."

"Yes, thank you," Robin tells him and with that, the guy is off and Robin's descending on his massive amount of food.

Regina steals a few pieces from his appetizer platter, and he teases her about it even though he didn't expect anything less. Getting a meal in does wonders for his mood, and he's actually feeling decent now that his belly is full, and even more so when his next throw ends in a strike.

"You are too good at this game," Regina grumbles, before shooting both of her balls into the gutter.

"Let me help you next round, I beg of you," he pleads, because it almost hurts him to watch how bad she is. Though his coaching usually only helps for one or two throws before she reverts, she agrees, and the rest of the night is spent teaching her how to aim her throws.

Robin's score for the first round vastly surpasses Regina's, but in the second round, it's a little more even, mostly because he intentionally messes up a few of his throws in an effort to make her feel better.

He doesn't understand how someone with so much body awareness can't aim a throw, and mimic his movements, but she really can't.

She's trying, he knows she is, but she's still lousy. Now though, not every one of her balls are ending up in the gutter, and he counts that as a win.

The way Regina cheers when she finally gets a spare warms his entire body, she looks shocked, but so happy, so proud of herself, and she should be. He embraces her in a tight hug, whispering, "That's it, that's my girl, you did it. I knew you could."

"You are a great teacher," she marvels, "Now stop throwing your game for my pride, let's see how many strikes you can get in a row."

The rest of the night is filled with laughs, and little victories, Regina beaming every time she manages to knock down more than two pins. That spare seems to have been a fluke, but she's playing leagues better than she ever has, and that makes him so happy.

When they finish their last round, he realizes he hasn't thought about his piece all night. Gone is his foul mood, his sense of defeat. If Regina can manage a spare in bowling with how utterly terrible she is at the game, surely he can manage this dance with a bit more practice.

He needed this, needed to be distracted, to get out of his head and out of his frustrations. He's so lucky to have a best friend who knows him this well, who drags him out of the studio despite his protests to help him get here.

He needs to make an effort with Daniel when he's here, Robin realizes. He needs to do everything he can to ensure he doesn't get cut out when Regina leaves, that would gut him if it happened, and he's not sure he'd ever recover. He needs her in his life, needs his friend more than anything else, and he's going to fight to keep her in it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The show is coming up and Robin's starting to feel better. Regina talks to Daniel about his visit.

It's a week and a half until the choreography festival and Robin's feeling a lot better about his piece. It's still not nearly as refined as it should be by now, but he's been putting in a lot of extra time in the studio, and it's paying off.

Regina and Killian have been a godsend, they do practices and critiques together, and the two of them have really helped him work through the bothersome sections of his piece.

Theirs is coming together well, too well. Robin had thought it would be torture having to do it with her, but watching her perform it over and over is so much worse. While dancing there's the distraction of the movements, the athleticism, but when watching there is none of that. It's an erotic piece to watch regardless, but having the woman you love dance it, and dance it well, just brings it to a whole other level.

The only good thing about how he struggles with his own piece, is that that stress prevents him from fully appreciating their dance and embarrassing himself. His thoughts stay on his own anxieties and don't drift too far into what it would feel like doing that with her, what it would feel like doing other things with her. He manages to keep it relatively PG, though there have been times where he has lost himself watching it and had to drag his mind out of the gutter to give proper feedback.

Robin subbed in a few times to give Killian corrections, to show what he meant, and god, the feel of her, moving that way together, was both incredible and painful. Somehow she does not realize the effect she has on him, especially when she turns on the performance, but he felt it down to his bones.

He'd be lying if he said images of that dance didn't filter into his thoughts alone, at night, making him pent up, needy, then leaving him feeling guilty.

Regina will never know how often he's fantasized about her, she'd drop him as a friend if she realized how dodgy he is, how often he thinks of her like that, and this damned dance has only increased the frequency of the impure thoughts.

She's melting into Killian's arm right now, her leg in arabesque coming to his shoulder as he lunges and scoops her up, before she rolls down off of his back.

There is something about the way they roll on each other, each movement flowing into the next, always touching somehow that gets to Robin. The dance is all passion and desire and damn does he ever feel it.

Regina herself has said the dance is sexy, and that sent his brain into overdrive.

She nearly kicks Killian in the head when her leg flows to the right above him while he rolls to the left below it. They both notice, he can see it in their amused expressions, but he adds a note to his book just to be sure, so he doesn't forget.

That little mistake brings him back on track, leads him away from his out of control libido back to what he's supposed to be doing, critiquing.

Robin thinks they are ever so slightly off in the synchronized section, Killian just a hair behind, and that won't do.

He should record this for them, play it back in slow motion so they can really see it.

Next time for sure.

They end on the floor, Regina on top of Killian, an expression of pure bliss as they arch up as the music peaks, then melt into each other as it tapers off.

"Bravo," Robin applauds. "Really well done, just a few little things."

"My leg in the swing around, I know." Regina pants as she stands up. "I'm so sorry, Killian, nearly took you out there. I'm just tired and was starting to shake."

"It's all good," Killian drawls, "If I'd let any woman kick me or step on me, it would be you, Mills."

Regina rolls her eyes, "In your dreams, guyliner."

Killian winks, "Already happening, baby."

"Oh god, don't ever call me your baby again. And don't hold your breath on that ever happening. I mean or do, no skin off my back, but then I'll be out a partner for the show."

"You are always so mean to me, Mills. Admit it, it's because you secretly love me."

Robin snorts at the same time Regina shoots Killian a death glare. "Yeah, no. Just trying to stop you from hurting yourself."

Killian clutches his chest, "I didn't know you cared."

She scoffs, "I don't! But right now you're useful."

These two kill him, they do deeply respect and appreciate each other, but it's buried under faux animosity and relentless, highly entertaining banter.

Robin gives them their notes, then it's his turn and it goes okay.

He completed all the moves, managed to land in the right spot every time, but it still feels awkward, unnatural and he hates that.

Thank god the group piece he's in is fairly easy. He hasn't put all the work in he should on it, but he knows it will be fine. He does the group rehearsals, but that's it, which isn't like him. But his focus is on this solo piece, and he has to show it to Neal and Gold tomorrow, which is making him nervous as hell.

It's because he's nervous he's screwing things up he can do easily. He is never like this and now that he's experienced it, he doesn't know how people can cope with feeling like this. It is ruining the process for him, and he hates that. He wanted to enjoy every aspect of this, and instead he's frustrated and irritated, but it doesn't take away from how much he loves the piece.

Robin's getting better at marking his places, but it's not instinctive yet, and there's a part of him that worries it never will be.

Once the dance is natural, the performance and the character come out of him, but he hasn't gotten there yet and time is running out. He longs for that moment when the movement flows out of him without thought, for that rush as he glides through moves that feel easy. He knows that if he can get there it will feel even better after all this frustration, but what if he never gets there? What if it continues to be not his best and he has to perform it like this?

These difficult moments make the ones where it all works so much sweeter, will make him appreciate them more, but he would like it better if it were always good, if he didn't have to deal with this. Why couldn't he be one those dancers that's just good at everything immediately, that always makes it look easy?

His notes aren't all that bad, considering. He needs to run it again, and again, and again—will run it all night if he has to to ensure it looks good tomorrow, but he won't keep Killian and Regina for that.

Killian bows out apologetically, though there is no need to apologize, and Regina stays, once again being his saving grace.

Robin has done this for her before, but he still feels guilty for keeping her so late, when she could be relaxing at home, enjoying her last night with her roommate. He won't keep her too long because Kathryn's leaving, and he can't imagine they don't have some sort of loose plans tonight.

"Ready to do it again?" Regina asks, and he sighs, which leads her to comment, "You've been doing an awful lot of sighing over there."

That makes him chuckle because it's true, he thinks he's sighed more since getting this piece than he has in his entire life. "It's still not easy, and I want to enjoy it, you know? I love this piece, I want to experience the magic of it, not be bogged down in how awful my own rendition is."

"Robin, it's not awful, not at all. You are being way too hard on yourself."

"You don't need to keep humouring me."

She rolls her eyes, "I'm not. I wouldn't, come on you know that."

He does. He does, but hell, this piece is driving him absolutely mad. "I wish I could see what you see."

Her smile goes wistful, "Me too," then she grins, "I may have a solution for that actually. Let me record it, then you'll see."

Oh god, no, he's not ready for that, not at all. He must show it on his face because she's urging him to trust her, and okay, fine, he will. It's a line he's said to her on multiple occasions when she couldn't see how good she was, and he's learning now what a hollow comfort it is. Clearly, he needs to work on his encouraging words. But he really can't feel worse about this so what's the harm anyway?

Once Robin finishes it and Regina shows it to him. He is so glad he listened to her, because it looks a thousand times better than it feels. Of course he wants it to feel good, but it's nice to know he's not the clambouring idiot he feels like he is while doing it.

He has a lot of work to do but with his best friend at his side encouraging him, he actually believes he can do it.

He dismisses her shortly after, assuring her he will be fine on his own, and asking that she wish Kathryn goodbye for him.

Robin will see Kathryn over the summer, so he's not too bothered that he's not saying a proper goodbye. Regina though, she leaves for the entire summer, so this is it for her and Kathryn for at least thirteen weeks. While Regina isn't ordinarily sappy, he wouldn't be surprised if the idea of this as their last summer sets her off. She's had a short fuse ever since deciding to leave—and though she hasn't said anything about it since sobbing on his couch two weeks ago he knows Gold's revelation had added more grief into the mix.

Robin doesn't understand how Daniel can see her so tortured over this and still ask her to leave, but then Robin's never had Regina, he doesn't know what lengths he would go to to keep her. He likes to think he'd be better than that, but he has acted selfishly time and again in indulging his crush, so perhaps not.

Robin likes to think he's the better man—but is it really true?

* * *

"How's it going, baby? I'm so excited to see you," Daniel breathes into the phone on his break, and Regina smiles at the sound of his voice.

"Two more weeks, then soon after we'll have the whole summer together," she marvels, truly excited to have such a long uninterrupted period of time with her boyfriend.

Where some do travelling shows over the summer break, she always spends it in Detroit with Daniel. She'll guest teach as needed in the summer intensive at Ballet Detroit, and in exchange have free access to the studios whenever she wants. Some dance the whole summer, and others take it off, but Regina can't imagine not dancing for such a long period.

She should try and get herself a permanent position at the ballet school. She really does enjoy teaching, instructing what could be the future of dance. It's not the same joy as dancing herself, but it's pretty close.

And since this time next year she'll be done with the company, she should start to put out feelers at the school. It's the best in the area, and only a fifteen minute walk from Daniel's place.

"Yeah, I cannot wait for that. How does it feel being all alone in the apartment? Are you missing her already?" Daniel asks and Regina nods looking around their empty place.

"It feels weirdly empty. I've obviously been here without her before, but this is more permanent and it's odd. It just doesn't feel right, I don't know how to explain it."

Daniel chuckles lowly, "I know what you mean. When you leave after the summer my place always feels wrong for a few weeks, like it's missing something. After a while I get used to it not having you, but it's always an adjustment."

That warms her heart, she too feels that way when she comes back, it feels wrong not to be with him for a few weeks, to live here again, but it always passes. "Yeah, like that. It's weird to think that come this time next year she and I will be packing up this place. It's… the end of an era, and it's really hitting me now that she's gone, even ever so temporarily."

"Change is hard," he murmurs, then his tone goes teasing, "But think of all the fun we can have in your empty apartment. I can finally have you in that kitchen, no chance of being walked in on."

"Daniel," she hisses, "Aren't you in public?"

He laughs, "Relax, I'm in the corner of the breakroom and the only other person in here has headphones on."

Regina shakes her head, not that he can see it. "Still though, can we maybe save that kind of talk for when we are alone."

"I mean you are alone," Daniel says leadingly, before sighing overdramatically, "But fine, I'll control my baser impulses, for now."

Regina lets her smirk shift into her tone as she tells him, "See to it that you do. And _perhaps_ you'll find yourself rewarded."

"That was unfair," he scolds. "But back to safer subjects, I know you are going to miss Kathryn, but hey you never know what will happen. Maybe she'll get a job around here."

That's highly unlikely, and she's about to comment on that when Daniel says, "Oh, before I forget, my summer vacation approval finally came out, so we'll have two full weeks in August to do whatever you want. We can go anywhere, do anything, as long as we're together, I'll be happy."

Regina knows what she wants to do with that time, and she bets Daniel already does, too. "My mother bought a new place in the Hamptons—" she's interrupted with Daniel's surprised _Another one?_ to which she just hums in affirmation before continuing, "so the cottage will be free of her, not that she ever went anyway. I'd like to spend some time there, unless there's something else you wanted to do."

She can picture the way Daniel must be shaking his head, his mirth coming through clearly even over the phone, "I think that would be perfect, it's nice to unplug and unwind there. I'll look into flights in a bit."

She frowns at that, she can't afford that, and though she knows he would be paying, there really isn't a need for that. It's a thirteen hour drive from Detroit to Storybrooke, Maine, and she enjoys the drive through Canada, stopping in Toronto to see shows, or spending a night or two in the beautiful city that is Montreal.

"How do you feel about doing the road trip instead?"

Daniel sighs, "If that's what you want we can do that. All that driving exhausts me, and I'd rather spend that time with you outside of the car."

Regina can admit it's much nicer on the way there than the way back, but perhaps they can break up the events so it's more of an adventure at both ends. "We don't have to decide that right now."

"That's true. Why don't we save the firm plans for when you are here?"

"Mm, or when you are here."

"I'm just sorry I can't be there for longer, we're a bit short staffed right now. It was hard enough to get those three days off."

Regina smiles and reminds Daniel, "It's okay. All you are missing is me packing, which you tend to distract me from anyway."

He laughs, "I'd say I'm sorry but…"

"When do you get in again? Is it eleven pm?"

Daniel makes a noise of agreement, "Eleven thirty. Leave the door unlocked, I'll take a cab over."

As if she'd do that. "No, don't be silly, I'll meet you at the airport."

"Baby, you need your sleep, and so will I. It's not like I'll be rousing company after a twelve hour shift, and a four hour flight."

He very well might be though, Daniel somehow sleeps like a baby on flights.

"I don't care, I want to be there. I miss you so much, and I don't want to waste any of your time here."

Regina can hear his smile in the way his voice goes softer and sweeter, "I love you for that. God, I can't wait to see you, it's been so long and I miss you so much." She hears something muffled, then Daniel's cursing, "Shoot, I'm sorry, I have to go, talk soon, I love you."

"Love you, too," she breathes as he hangs up.

They need this summer more than usual. There's a distance between them that wasn't there before and the missed visit for Romeo and Juliet didn't help.

Long distance is hard, but these summer breaks are a godsend, allows them to reconnect and have time together like a normal couple.

Performances start in eight days, and Daniel will be here in two weeks, then in twenty days she'll be there with him, for the last half of June, all of July and all of August. Two and a half months of uninterrupted bliss.

Things are looking up.

* * *

Something is off with Killian; he is not his normal, sassy self, is just taking her biting comments without response, and that is not like him at all.

They are showing Gold and the company their piece today as a part of the full rehearsal, but Regina doesn't think it's solely nerves that are bothering him.

"Are you okay?" she whispers, as they sit in the front of the studio, waiting for their turn.

"Fine."

He's being really short with her, and that, too, is not like him. Whatever it is, he clearly doesn't want to talk to _her_ about it.

Regina can't decide what would be best—if she should try to distract Killian, make him laugh, or if she should leave him be.

Killian has taken to calling her "baby", after she told him off for it, and so she downloaded that _Don't Call Me Baby_ song _,_ planned to blast it the next time he referred to her as such, but it doesn't seem like that will be happening any time soon.

She watches the dances, everyone is doing well, but Robin's is still her favourite. He has given it so much, and it shows. All that care and devotion has shone out when he practices.

Regina is so proud of him, he's had a difficult time and as much as he's beaten himself up about it, he hasn't let it get him down. Now, it's all paying off, and he has been dancing it beautifully.

She really hopes this rehearsal goes well so he can gain the confidence he deserves, that he's earned.

Regina is holding her breath as Robin starts, silently cheering him on as he makes it through the most difficult section with ease. He catches her eye just for a second and she smiles broadly, hoping it shows how proud she is of him.

He's performing so he doesn't acknowledge it, but she knows he saw it and that's all that matters.

When he finishes, no mistakes were made, and the studio breaks out in applause. His expression is one of sheer relief and she jumps up to congratulate him, getting swept up in a tight embrace.

Robin twirls her around as he breathes, "I did it," and all she can do is smile and tell him, _Yeah, you did._

It's Gold who interrupts their moment, with a cough and a, "We have other pieces to go through."

Robin smiles sheepishly, grabbing his sheet off of the floor, and makes his way to the front of the studio with her. He takes a seat behind her and marvels quietly over his success.

Regina barely pays attention to the next two performances, too caught up in celebrating with Robin, until it's her turn.

Killian grimaces as he stands and she asks again what's wrong. This time he gives her a half answer, sighs out, "My foot's bothering me, but it will be fine."

She's not so sure about that. He was out for almost a whole season two years ago after he tore a tendon and had to have it surgically repaired. But he knows his body, he knows best, and she can't imagine he'd risk it if he were actually worried, not for this.

Still, she's distracted as they start and she flubs one of the opening moves to her chagrin. From then on she focuses on the dance, and tries to push Killian's injury from her mind.

Unsurprisingly, they get sent off to practice and perform again at the end because of her amateur mistake.

She takes that alone time to ask, "Are you going to be okay with this?"

Killian nods, "It's just sore, this happens sometimes. I've overworked it, that's all. I'm glad we put all that time in up front because I feel okay taking an extra day and the weekend off to let it rest."

"Yeah, we've got this. And listen, we don't need to run it, I was distracted worrying about you, that's why I messed it up."

"One more run won't kill us, I messed up a few things, too. Let's one and done, baby."

Because he's in a good mood now, back to his joking self, she grabs her phone and the opening lines ring out which have Killian eyeing her curiously until the chorus bellows, _Don't call me baby, don't call me baby, anymore._

He breaks out in full throated laughter, and she pats herself on the back for that move, as his mood lightens considerably after that.

Their friendship may seem odd to others, but they do care for each other, in their own way. If anyone asked, she'd deny it, she does have a reputation to uphold after all.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Performances start and Killian's foot is really bothering him.

He fucking stumbled, on stage, on opening night, in the bloody opening number.

And it's his own fucking fault. Robin did not rehearse the group number like he should have and now he's embarrassed himself in front of a huge crowd. In front of reviewers—sod it all, there could not be a worse time to mess up like that.

He has no one to blame but himself and he can't even say he tried his best—that is what burns him. He is so fucking mad at himself because that was preventable. He was so caught up in making his solo piece perfect that he neglected the group piece, and look where that's gotten him.

It's thrown him right off for the piece he really cares about. Good fucking job, Robin.

It's these god awful shoes. He needed to practice more in them, but no, he thought he'd be fine, and he was _wrong_.

"Fuck," he hisses under his breath as he stalks off the stage, scaring some younger dancer who jumps out of his way.

Normally Robin would apologize for that, but he's too damned angry at himself to do anything but rage.

He doesn't have that much time between performances, and he has to let this anger out before it wrecks his second performance, but he can't, not here. He wants to yell and scream and swear over and over. He can't imagine not feeling like this even if he did scream for hours, he thinks he'd still have this festering ill-will threatening to consume him.

Someone grabs his arm and he shoves it off, not wanting to be touched right now. But it's Regina and she's not deterred.

"Come with me," she commands, grabbing him again and leading him off stage, but not toward the dressing rooms.

"Where the fuck are you taking me?" Robin asks, wincing at his harsh words, but unable to help it.

She is unfazed, doesn't even stop walking or look back at him as she answers. "Outside, now hurry up, we have all of five minutes before you need to change."

Regina leads him out a side door Robin didn't even know was there and tells him, "Yell, let it out, no one will hear you back here."

That's ridiculous he can't… but he does want to, so even though it's ridiculous, he starts to rant.

He doesn't think he's ever dropped that many F-bombs in a row, they are firing off his tongue in quick succession as he berates himself, the shoes, the show, things that don't even make sense. Words just roll off his tongue without him thinking about them, all his frustrations pouring off of him as he unloads.

Regina's listening, but not saying anything. She is reacting to what he says, but letting him get it all out, and he appreciates that more than he can express. She's sympathetic, empathetic, and when he starts to run out of words all she does is hug him tightly.

Robin breathes her in, tries to focus on her, and imagines himself calming him down, the anger rolling off of him and dissipating out into the air.

He feels slightly better now, he's still right pissed at himself, but a lot of the burn of the anger is gone, it's simmered down into coals he could easily rouse back into a fire, but won't.

He is so lucky to have her, someone who understands him this well, who knows what he needs without him saying it and makes it happen for him.

"I'm sorry, but you have to get ready now," Regina breathes, and he nods, reluctantly pulling away.

"Here," she says, pushing earbuds into his hand as she leads him back inside.

Robin eyes her quizzically, but sticks them in his ears, trusting her judgment here.

It's rock music, and it's blaring so loud he can't really hear his thoughts, and _oh_ , this is good.

She has a temper, and this must be one of the things she uses to manage it. It's another insight into the mind of Regina Mills, and he files it away in that part of his brain that's devoted to her. If she is ever angry and needs an outlet, he will happily blast her some music.

Changing passes by in a blurr, those earbuds still in, Alanis Morrisette now singing _You Oughta Know_ , and damn, what a good song. He feels that, the need to tell someone off and express how much they annoyed you. Even though that person is himself, he's got some misdirected blame he'd like to yell about.

But now is not the time, nor is it ever considering his co-dancers don't deserve it. It's not their responsibility to get him to practice, but dammit if just one of them had called him on his lack of focus, or how rubbish those sodding shoes are, he would have worked more on it.

But again, that doesn't change anything, and Robin needs to get in the mood for his current piece, the music actually gives him an idea of how he can, and he asks Regina for control of the music, selecting the saddest song he's ever heard— _Concrete Angel._ Just the thought of that video makes him want to cry, he knows it's not real, but it is some kids reality, and that guts him.

He cried the first time he saw it, and John ribbed him for ages over it. Robin's a sap, always has been.

This song definitely fits the motto of his piece, and he slips from anger into sadness and determination backstage, gifting Regina her earbuds back with a thank you when the song ends. He listens to the end of the duet before him, and realizes with a panic he doesn't have his sheet. Oh fuck, _oh fuck_.

"It's right here," Regina says, holding it up. "You got this. Go kill it out there. Make her proud."

Fuck, now he really might cry, he can't say anything around the lump in his throat, so he nods, taking the sheet from Regina, and gets set for the opening.

He never explicitly told her it reminded him of his mother, but she always knew, she knows him better than anyone.

They would have loved each other, his mother and Regina, he knows that for certain.

Then the lights come up, the music starts, and Robin dances his heart out.

It feels better than it ever has, and he loses himself fully to it, looking back can barely remember going from movement to the next, all he's aware of is the feeling of drowning in sadness, his body expressing it through Neal's stunning choreography.

When the depression wins and he tucks the sheet over his head as he curls into a ball, there are tears on his cheeks. Ones that quickly turn to happy tears of relief as the light comes back up and the crowd roars with applause.

He takes his bow, feeling lighter than air. This is why he dances, for moments like this.

When he comes offstage, he looks for Regina, and there she is, beaming and so proud of him. Another one of those happy tears fall as his best friend tells him how marvelous he was and how proud she is.

There are tears in her eyes, from watching him, from feeling the emotion of the piece and when she tells him that he moved her, his heart nearly explodes.

There is a line up of people congratulating him and Robin can barely process it, too overwhelmed by the happiness, relief and love he feels in this moment.

It was all worth it, every last struggle, every meltdown, to get to this moment. He never ever wants to let this feeling go. He's floating, smiling so hard his face hurts, warm and gooey all over.

And Regina is here with him, is just as happy for him, and it's perfect.

* * *

Robin has been absolutely killing it, they all have been, but his solo is absolutely magical to watch. All dance is beautiful, but there are those few epic ones that shake a person to their very core, have them looking at the world a little differently, leave them feeling awestruck and moved—and that's Robin's piece.

The critics universally praised both his performance and the choreography, something that was well deserved. She's been collecting all the rave reviews, is going to make a little scrapbook page of them, because she knows Robin will want that performance memorialized.

Regina is not the best scrapbooker, but ambitiously she bought all the supplies in the spring to make a book to celebrate Kathryn's dance career as a retirement gift.

Though she's had the place to herself, she has yet to start. It feels odd to be performing without Kathryn, to not be seeing her in the studio, to not come home and deconstruct their days. Regina hasn't ever lived alone, and it doesn't suit her. She likes her solitude, sure, often coops up in her room to have time alone, but she likes having someone with her, even if it is just for a brief five minute conversation while making coffee. She's had plenty to keep her busy though, more than enough to combat the loneliness.

It's night three of performances, then they'll have Monday off to rest and recuperate before five nights of performances in a row to close this festival off.

The resting is something her partner is going to need—Killian isn't doing well, his foot is really starting to bother him and he'd landed funny after a jump last night, causing it to swell.

He has the okay from the company doctor, and though Regina said she'd be happy to take tonight off to let him recover, he's sworn he'll be fine.

Killian loves their number, but she knows he wouldn't risk his career for a three minute dance. The swelling has happened to him before, and it always goes away. And as Killian assured her earlier, he has the whole summer to rest up.

She can't imagine having an injury like that, having that constant fear of reinjuring it, especially when it's something that flares up from time to time. Killian plays it tough, but she knows him well enough to see that hint of fear in his eyes.

Regina is the kind of person who would push herself too hard and end up with permanent damage because she wouldn't take a break. She'd done that when she'd sprained her ankle as a child, had jumped back into dance too quickly and ended up spraining it again doing a Temps levé; the sole act of landing with all her weight on her bad ankle enough to send it crumbling.

She likes to think she learned her lesson there, but she has been so lucky and hasn't had any major injuries since then, so she can't be sure.

"How are you feeling?" Regina asks Killian backstage, and his sassy reply reassures her more than anything else could.

"Killian, no Captain Guyliner, no pirate. The better question is, are _you_ feeling okay?"

She chuckles, "I am now, guyliner."

"You know, I haven't even put it on yet. Might need to get your eyes checked. I think we've found the reason you're immune to my body."

"Keep dreaming. The image of it is burned into my retinas after seeing it so often."

Killian snickers, "This place would be so much less fun without you, Mills."

The subtle reminder that her time is coming to a close sends a sharp pang through her heart; dammit, this is not the time.

"What is it?" Killian asks with narrowed eyes, and of course now is when he becomes perceptive, not ever when he's legitimately annoying her.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Now you sound like me."

"Oh god, _never_."

"Admit it, you want to be just like me when you grow up or maybe—" She knows where he is going with this from the impish look on his face and _hell no_.

"Over my dead body."

"You would make a hot corpse…"

Robin interrupts with a, "Do I even want to know what's going on with you two now?" and they both laugh.

"Just discussing Mills' secret crush on me," Killian remarks, and she glares daggers at his back.

Robin snorts at that, "Yeah, keep dreaming, buddy."

"Oh believe me, I will," Killian teases, and gross.

"Okay, shut up before I vomit," she declares, and amazingly it actually works.

They watch the show from the wings, and, as always, Robin kills it in his solo. She doesn't know how there is a dry eye in the audience after that, and maybe there isn't.

Soon it's time for her and Killian, and she winks at him, making him chuckle before they walk out on stage.

Their dance progresses easily: up, down, in his arms, out of it, legs up, then down, then wrapped around him. She feels the music as she works through each of the movements, not a thought in her head, feeling the movement, floating from one move to another, always connected to her partner, sharing the same energy until…

Killian jumps up, and he should be on the ground now, should have ticked and rolled, her leg circling over his head, but he's not there. He's down, on the ground, but not in the right spot, and fear floods her as she realizes he is really down, and not getting back up.

She keeps dancing for a second on instinct, until her brain catches up to what is happening. And oh fuck, he's crying. This is bad, so bad, and why is the music still playing? What does she do? How can she help him? She shouldn't move him, but what should she be doing? She sees a flurry backstage, then the curtain is lowering as she lowers herself to the ground beside him, trying to channel a cool, collected persona, because the last thing he needs is her panicking.

"Where does it hurt?" Regina asks, and all Killian does is moan, clutching his left foot.

"Can you move?" is her next question, and he seems to come back to himself, nodding slightly, but grimacing as he tries to roll over onto his hands and knees.

By then there is a crowd of people around them, and even Gold is out on the stage.

He gets three of the guys to pick Killian up, and they take him into the wings, setting him down as an icepack is delivered by Dr. Hopper.

He whispers some medical jargon she doesn't catch, but Killian is nodding through the pain, and Dr. Hopper sighs, "Let's get you to the emergency room."

"No," Killian bellows, "It's fine." His voice lowers to just above a whisper, "I don't want to go."

He argues with Dr. Hopper for a bit, until Gold speaks up.

"It's non-negotiable," Gold tells him, and the word from the boss seems to take all the fight away from him.

"No ambulance, get me to the street and I'll take an Uber."

Regina knows why he's choosing that, the hospital is so close, and yet the ambulance bill will be in the thousands, and their insurance only covers a portion of it. Not for the first time she curses their stupid healthcare system. How anyone can think this is a fair and a good idea is beyond her.

"Fine," Gold says, then orders that the show resume, sending Robin, David and August to take him to the street.

"I'm going with you," she tells Killian and predictably he shakes his head as if that is going to stop her. She insists, "I am! Don't waste your energy on this. I'll help you inside, and wait with you. I'm done for the night, let me do this."

Killian sighs and nods, exhaustion and pain covering his face.

Regina really hopes this isn't too bad, that he just sprained it or something, anything minor, anything that will allow him to dance again after the break.

"Text me when you know something, please," Robin whispers to her as they help Killian into the Uber, and she nods, assuring him and the others that she'll keep them updated.

* * *

After two hours of prodding and tests, the verdict is in. Killian has a small tear in another ligament in his foot, but he shouldn't need surgery this time. He's to be discharged with a follow-up MRI in a week to check how it's healing. He's out of the show, not that she expected anything else, and she has to wave off several unnecessary apologies from him.

The news that he doesn't need surgery again has him in much better spirits, or maybe that's the pain meds taking effect, who knows. In any event, he's moaning about having to do office work to earn his pay, and how the crutches cramp his style, all of which Regina takes as a very good sign.

Killian texted Gold the news himself, and she texted Robin, who relayed the information to many people, if the way Killian's phone is blowing up is any indication.

They have to wait a few more minutes and fill out some paperwork before Killian is released. While they wait Regina offers to come along for the appointment, but he refuses.

He does let her see him home, and they run into Mary Margaret of all people in the hospital waiting room. She's holding a change of clothes and a coat (Killian's, Regina learns), his favourite take out, and a bag of groceries. Apparently, when Mary Margaret raided his apartment for the clothes she found the fridge empty, and didn't think grocery shopping would go well on crutches.

It's not something Regina would have thought of, and Killian thanks Mary Margaret profusely, before finding a bathroom to change in.

That leaves Regina and Mary Margaret all alone, and it's awkward. Regina realizes she's never been alone one on one with her before, and she has no idea what to say.

"How is he doing?" Mary Margaret asks, something she already asked Killian, and that irks Regina for some reason, even though she knows it's a good-natured inquiry.

"He's doing well, bummed about the festival obviously, but once they said it should heal on its own his spirits really improved."

Mary Margaret smiles. "That's good. I worried he was putting on a brave face. That sucks about your piece though. It was really beautiful."

Regina sighs, "I'm just happy it's not too serious. It's the end of the season so he has plenty of time to relax and recover." While it's probably rude, she has to ask, "how did you get into his place?" She wants to add and why would you invade someone's privacy like that, but it was for a nice gesture, so she holds her tongue.

"David, uh, has his spare key."

Regina raises a brow but says nothing. To her that answers the _are they or aren't they_ question, not that she ever really had a doubt.

Mary Margaret must be uncomfortable with silence because she asks, "Are you sticking around for the summer?"

"No, I stay with my boyfriend in Detroit over the summer."

"Your boyfriend… Oh, I thought—well, nevermind then."

Regina's eyes narrow and she tenses as she asks, "You thought _what_?"

Mary Margaret bites her lip and looks down. "I had, um, thought that you and Robin…"

Regina's temper flares. "No, dear. I've been with Daniel for eight years."

"I-I knew that, I thought you had—I was mistaken."

"Mistaken about _what?_ " Regina can hear how defensive she sounds, can feel it in her posture, but she needs to know what the hell kind of vibe Mary Margaret thought she was picking up on between her and Robin. If she thinks it, who else thinks that, and what is Daniel going to think?

"I just made a mistake, it's… let's not—"

"No, let's! Tell me what you thought."

Regina's firm tone must scare Mary Margaret into talking because she babbles, "I heard you broke up with Daniel in the spring, and he hasn't been around, then I saw you and Robin dancing together at the Romeo and Juliet afterparty, and I made an assumption I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, I—"

Killian chooses that moment to exit the bathroom, and Regina can't decide if it's a good or a bad thing she didn't get to respond. But Killian is asking if one of them will kindly grab his costume from the bathroom floor, which Regina leaves for Mary Margaret.

"If you have all of this handled, I think I'll head home," Regina tells Killian, and he bids her goodnight, thanking her for staying with him so long.

"It was no trouble, really. Rest up and text me if you need anything," Regina says.

"I would, but I think Mary's got it covered here, so…"

Killian isn't wrong about that, so she says goodnight and jumps in a cab. God, fuck, what is she going to do when Daniel is here? She's apparently giving off vibes with Robin and fuck, _fuck_. What is she going to tell him about the after-party, about her meeting with Gold? This is such a mess. Maybe she just won't tell him. It's been weeks since her meeting and she hasn't mentioned it. It doesn't matter, it doesn't change anything so…

Regina sighs, and when her cab driver asks what's wrong she tells him she's hungry, and they make a pit stop at Mcdonald's to satiate her hunger. She really is hungry, it came out with a vengeance once it was confirmed Killian was okay. It's absolutely terrible for her, but it's on the way and she's too hungry to wait for anything else.

Of course the drive thru takes forever, and she's stuck wracking up her fare and stressing out, as she waits for what's supposed to be fast food.

It's one in the morning, so this must be the drunk rush, and just her luck. She texts Robin to complain because she knows he'll still be up. This might be the kind of thing she needs to stop, or does she? God, she doesn't know anymore. Everything used to be so clear but now it's not.

After teasing her relentlessly about ordering McDonald's after how many times she's mocked it, Robin asks her to meet him in the studio in the morning because he has an idea.

It's their day off and he won't tell her what the idea is, which only makes her more intrigued, and ensures she'll be there, even with her swirling confusion over what's apparently between them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin subs in as Regina partner

This day has been exhausting, and it's not over yet. Instead of the rest day Regina had anticipated, she's spent all day in the studio with Robin and the choreographer going over the piece that's now theirs.

Robin had picked up a lot of it watching her and Killian, but his partnering style is slightly different, and she's having to adjust to that. Thankfully, she and Robin naturally work well together, so adapting isn't all that difficult.

Regina fought it when she got there (far too early for how late she was up) and realized what was happening. Partly out of respect for Killian—it felt wrong to do this dance without him—and partly because she's all twisted up about this Robin thing, and doing a sexy dance together isn't going to help at all with that.

But Killian gave them his blessing, and wants to see them do it, so she didn't have a leg to stand on—unless she wanted to admit to Robin what has her so tortured, and that would be a recipe for disaster.

She knows this is her fault, she was the one who insisted they never talk about what happened on Valentine's Day, as if that would magically make it go away. And of course it didn't, it couldn't.

She'd spent far too much time on the internet last night, when she should have been sleeping, looking up what it means to have an attraction to someone who is not your significant other. Though everything pointed to it being perfectly normal, and in fact it's not the first time this has happened to her, she's still worried. All the other people she's noticed while with Daniel were women, and not anyone she knew well. It was passing and fleeting, more of a _wow, she's gorgeous_ than anything else. It was nothing to stress about, and this is different.

The problem with Robin is that he's Robin. He's her best friend and she can't avoid him. Avoiding it has only made this whole thing worse, is likely why it hasn't fizzled out. Pushing it down and pretending it wasn't happening did not work, but still, she kept trying because she didn't know what else to do. It's not as if denying what was happening ever worked for her in the past, but it's something she continued to do—she never manages to learn.

Not only is Regina risking her relationship, she's risking her friendship, the two most important people in her life. She has a history of self-sabotaging, but this is next level, even for her.

Now, at the worst time possible, she is in a super sexy dance with _Robin_.

He's all sweaty from practice, his shirt long discarded so his chiselled chest is on full display, and that is not helping her get over this horribly inappropriate infatuation.

Dancing with him this close is not helping her at all; it's making it worse. Rolling on him, mimicking sex with him, just has her wondering what that would be like with him, and for fuck's sake, what is wrong with her?

Her boyfriend is going to be here in three days and here she is practically drooling over her best friend. She's not quite fantasizing about him, but thinking about him in that way, and this cannot happen.

Agreeing to Robin's plan was such a mistake. She should have bowed out, should have called Daniel and told him the good news, should have spent the day packing and changed her flight so she was going back with him.

The internet said infatuations are a sign something is missing in your relationship, and she is well aware of what is missing in hers: time together.

Four years of distance has been killing them. Slowly but surely. That's why Daniel asked her to leave here or let them go. She knows that; there's no set end date to this otherwise. Daniel's got a year and a half left of his residency, but then it's fellowship time, and while he could try to come out here for that, there are no guarantees and she knows he wants to stay where he is. She wants for him to be where he is, because he loves it. She wouldn't want him to uproot his life to come here because what if he hated it, she would never forgive herself.

Her time is much more fleeting, and they've been putting their lives on hold for this dream for far too long now. It would be different if dance wasn't time limited, if she could do this forever, but since she can't, it only makes sense for her to make the sacrifice.

For the first time, she regrets signing next season's contract. She still wants to dance, will always want to dance, but she's worried about her relationship. She would never cheat. Her high school boyfriend, Graham, did that to her, and though it wasn't really love like she thought at the time, it still stung. She loves Daniel far too much to ever hurt him like that. She doesn't want to throw it all away to be with Robin, she's just stuck on the _what if they had gone farther, what would that have been like?_ It's a train of thought that will only lead her to problems, and yet she can't stop it.

She needs this summer with Daniel, needs to reconnect with him for longer than a weekend. Needs more than the rote, almost regimented pattern of day one reunion sex, day two more sex, performance and afterparty, day three hungover lazing around interspersed with more sex until he has to go. They never have enough time to do much more than that, unless it's Christmas or the summer.

But a week after Christmas and ten weeks in the summer aren't enough to sustain a relationship, they both know that. It should be enough to sustain them until next year, it will be, it has to be. For once there is a set end date. For once, the countdown isn't until a defined period, but for a lifetime.

She and Robin have to show Gold their piece tomorrow morning and he'll decide if it's in or out, based on that. It's not up to par yet, but it can get there, Robin is that good. She almost wishes he wasn't, that would make this easier, there wouldn't be a this if that were the case.

Fuck, she has to tell Daniel about this dance. He's not going to be happy, but he won't say anything, not after Romeo and Juliet. He will suck it up and watch this because he's trying to make up for not coming the last time.

It's all such a mess, and her head is a mess, and it's just not how it should be.

They start again, get into their position, Regina at Robin's side with her right leg hooked around his waist, her mouth by his ear as he faces forward. This dance is all passion and fire, things she had no problem acting with Killian, but it was all acting because god, she would never. Here though, she actually feels the tension, feels her breath catch as Robin turns to her, his lips a mere inch away. She doesn't want to melt away from his gaze like the choreography dictates, she wants to lean in, close the distance, burn off all of this tension with him, right here right now. But instead, she melts into his touch, arches her back and head away from him, as the push and pull of the dance begins.

Killian is equally as strong as Robin is, but something about how Robin lifts and holds her, showing off his strength, is sexy as hell. She's not sure what face exactly she's making as she drinks him in from overhead, but the choreographer, Max, compliments her on it, which just makes her cheeks flush.

She reminds herself that Robin and the choreographer don't know this isn't acting, that no one needs to know that, but still she feels the guilty shame of it.

"No, Regina, back to the mood you had, that was exactly it, don't change a thing," Max corrects, and _goddammit._

She tries to get back to that, but the guilt is surging and when the dance ends, she asks between pants, "Can we take a minute? I need a little break."

Max nods, "Why don't we take ten, you guys have been working hard. It's almost there."

"Thanks," Regina breathes, and Robin does the same as she slips out of the studio toward the water fountain.

Her bottle is only half empty, but she needs a minute away from them both to clear her head, to settle her mind. She knows what she has to do, for this to look good and how it should, she needs to lean into the attraction, needs to let go of the guilt, but _that_ feels like a betrayal of Daniel.

She sighs, then without really thinking about it steps outside and calls her boyfriend.

He's at work, so she doesn't expect him to answer, but he does.

"Hey, baby, are you okay?" There's alarm in his tone and shit, she's freaked him out. She doesn't do this, doesn't randomly call during the workday. He must think there is some emergency when it's nothing, and she curses herself for this stupid move.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't think this through, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Oh," she hears Daniel's voice soften, "Well, you called at the right time. I was just catching up on my charting and I'm due for a break, so have at it."

Regina swallows heavily, her throat suddenly thick. "I, um… Killian got hurt last night and, uh…"

"Is he okay?"

"He will be, he's out for a few weeks now though. And Robin was helping us rehearse, so he's been asked to sub in and…"

"Baby, you aren't worried about me, are you? I'm not jealous. I trust you. I know I haven't shown you that lately, but I am now. I love you, I trust you, and I can't wait to see you rock this dance with Robin."

Him being so supportive just makes her feel worse. "It's very _very_ sexual."

Daniel chuckles, "I'm well aware, you have told me that before."

"But won't you… doesn't that… bother you?" She's choosing her words carefully, trying to show him it's okay to be uncomfortable with it. Then she'd have an excuse to get out of it, to throw the showing tomorrow morning.

Daniel sighs, "Okay, listen. I know I've been a fucking idiot, and I've given you every reason to worry about this. But you shouldn't have to. I did that to you by being stupid and I'm not doing that anymore. And before you worry about if I'm pretending here, I'm not sparing your feelings or whatever you'll term it. I was being dumb before, I'm done with that, I love you and I am excited to see you dance. Period. No strings, no guilt, no nothing, just excitement, I promise."

Damn, he knows her well, and she's at a bit of a loss for words. She doesn't want to argue because she knows he's being sincere, but wow.

"I… I don't know what to say."

"Regina, I want you to do well with this dance, with every dance. I want you to succeed, and I do not want to hold you back. Okay?"

That lump in her throat is back and she warbles, "Okay," before looking at her watch, realizing her ten minutes is almost up.

She sighs as she tells him, "I'm sorry, my break is almost over, I should get back in there. I'm sorry I wasted your time."

"It wasn't wasted," Daniel says sweetly, "I got to talk to you."

That makes her smile and she breathes an _I love you_ with her goodbye before hanging up and going back to the studio.

Regina's guilt is back full force though because Daniel is being so good and supportive, but he doesn't know the full story. She cannot imagine he'd feel the same if he knew about how she feels. That is not a phone conversation though, so she can't do anything about it now. All she can do right now is work on perfecting this dance with Robin.

So she gives herself permission to just enjoy him, enjoy this, enjoy being close to him, getting to show how his presence affects her instead of hiding it.

She tricks herself into thinking it's a good thing, a necessary thing, that it will help her finally get over this. She lets herself look at Robin's sweaty, naked chest, allows herself to eye up his defined arms, gives herself permission to get caught up in the eroticism of the dance.

She lets herself off her leash, and if Max's reaction is any indication, it's to the overall betterment of the dance.

At the end of the next run-through, she and Robin freeze in their final pose, he's sweaty, breathing hard, his pupils blown, which she knows is all because of the hard work he's putting in dancing but her mind wanders to him enjoying this, to him enjoying her, and it's too much. She's already hot and sweaty from the workout, but she grows even warmer, her heart hammering instead of slowing.

Regina helps him up off the floor, and he's asking her something, shit. She asks him to repeat it, feeling her cheeks flare as she does.

"I asked if that felt better in the arch, I held your ankles tighter like you asked and it felt more stable on my end but…"

"Oh, yes, it did, so much better. When you lifted up you had more of my weight and it made the sinking down your leg more controlled and less work. It's still killer, but it wasn't deadly that time if that makes sense."

Robin nods, "It does, I can try to pull up more there, too. I can probably take a little more of your weight, I've just been a little scared of losing my balance."

Max interjects then, "Why don't you two work on that, it's good as is, but if you can take more of her weight without difficulty, it will be easier for her. Let's meet back here at eight tomorrow. Gold wants to see it at nine, so that gives us time to work out any kinks if they are there, but I don't think there will be."

With that, he leaves them to practice.

They make it another two hours before calling it a night, and she knows Max is right. Even after this one day (of nine-hour rehearsal, mind you), the dance feels natural, almost as good as when she danced it with Killian.

How Robin can ever think he's not a phenomenal dancer she'll never understand, he proved it today, as he has many times before.

Robin asks her if she'd like to go with him for a late dinner, which she declines because, "she's tired and wants to go home," something that's not exactly true, but she's spent too much time in close proximity with him indulging her attraction and she needs to remove herself from it.

She video chats Daniel when she gets home, and all it takes is a simple suggestion and Daniel is whipping off his shirt and unbuttoning his pants. It's so wrong, but she is hot and bothered and knows if she does something about it alone there's a risk Robin will pop into her head, and that cannot happen.

With her boyfriend talking her up, watching the enticing rhythm of his hand, not once does Robin cross her mind.

She goes to bed sated, spent and no longer feeling quite so guilty.

* * *

Yesterday was a long day, and Robin's feeling it now. He was lucky to get a massage session later today; his muscles need it.

But before that, they have to impress Gold. Robin had approached him at the end of the last show with this plan, needing Gold's permission before he got the choreographer involved. Gold had looked him up and down with an unreadable expression (a common occurrence with him, Robin can never figure out what the man is thinking) before nodding curtly and telling him, "You have thirty-four hours, make it count, dearie."

It was Max, who Gold advised of his actual plan, to come to see them at nine o'clock sharp this morning. It's 8:55 now, and while Robin's not too concerned about it, the dance isn't up to his usual performance par, so there are some residual nerves.

The run-throughs this morning helped with that, and with a few more this afternoon under his belt, it should be fine.

The best thing about learning this dance now is he has no time or energy to be driven to distraction by Regina. The acting in it comes easily, all he does is stop hiding his lustful thoughts. The moves, though, are challenging, and it keeps him from getting too into the lust.

Regina, her acting is absolutely phenomenal. She looks at him like she actually wants him. The first time she gave him that look he forgot what he was doing, too struck by how irresistible that look was. He's better now, keeps his focus on the dance, but god, she is so bloody sensual in this dance, it's insane. Having all that (fake) energy directed at him is otherworldly, and the closest he will ever get to the real thing.

There's a small vindictive part of him that can't wait for Daniel to see this, to feel for once how Robin feels. For Daniel to feel that slither of jealousy when Robin touches her, like Robin does every time Daniel's in town.

He'll never tell anyone that of course, he's got to try and make friends with Daniel this year, but doing this dance with his girlfriend is definitely not going to help with that. Robin was supposed to start sucking up this visit, but given the content of his duet with Regina, he thinks maybe he'll put that off for next season.

Gold's cane clattering against the hall floor alerts them to his presence before he even enters the room. Robin glances up at the clock and it's 8:58, and he knows they'll be expected to start exactly at nine—Gold's instructions are to be met to the letter—so he gets up off the floor, and makes his way toward the centre of the studio.

Once they are in position, and Gold's seated in his chair at the front of the studio, the music begins, and Robin gives it his all.

His lines are crisp and refined, his transitions smooth, his muscles are aching and clenching on the inside, but he doesn't dare let that show. It's mind over matter, and he pushes down all his aches and pains in favour of dancing the hell out of this.

When it's over, Regina's lying on top of him and he's gasping for breath, doesn't move for a good fifteen seconds as he tries to catch his breath. Even after Regina's off of him and up, he doesn't leave the floor, just sits up and spins toward Gold.

Gold eyes them appraisingly and says, "That will do," then gets up and starts to walk out.

Something about it strikes him as hilarious even though it's classic Gold, and Robin has to hold back his laughter, which leads to him snickering on the floor.

When Gold is finally out of earshot, Robin snorts and both Max and Regina look at him like he has three heads.

He's laughing too hard to explain, so he just lets it run its course.

Once he's settled himself, or nearly any way, he tries to explain it, but neither Regina or Max find it half as funny as he did, and Regina starts laughing at him, which just sets off a chain reaction.

Robin laughs so hard he cries, and Max shakes his head at them as he tells them, "Alright well, I think it's good to go. I'll check back in at noon like we discussed. When you two are done with… whatever this is, I'd suggest you take a break for some food."

That's what they end up doing, he and Regina go for brunch at his favourite little diner just down the street. _Granny's_ is an institution, and he loves going during the day like this so he can actually see Granny, a tough old broad with a secret heart of gold. She takes many of the dancers under her wing, and Robin is one of her favourites. At this point, she's practically family, and Robin's been away for far too long.

As expected, he gets a good-natured scolding from her, but the affection is still there, and he swears to her he won't abandon her for so long again.

When Regina gets up to use the restroom Granny slides into one of the free chairs at their table and asks him, "Are you ever going to tell her how you feel? Or do I just have to watch you make mooneyes over her for the next five years, too?"

She gets up as abruptly as she sat down, not giving him a chance to respond and he's a bit stunned. Not because she knows about his feelings, Granny is observant and knows everything, but because she has never once mentioned it to him.

He wants to ask her why now, but Regina's making her way back, so he just sips at his coffee. He'll have to come back another time alone to inquire about it, and likely receive another scolding.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reginas wracked with guilt and takes it out on the wrong person. Daniel comes to visit.

Performances with Robin go spectacularly. No one would know he learned the dance in a day with the way he has mastered it. Regina wishes, not for the first time, that she had that level of talent, could jump into something with such ease, but Robin's a better dancer than she is, always has been, always will be.

Last night Killian came to see it and he gave it rave reviews, despite the fact that they had only performed it once before that. Regina had been a little uncomfortable when Killian teased her for the increased sexual tension with Robin, but not one to miss an opportunity to rag on Killian (and to deflect from the reality), she'd teased back with, "That's what happens when my partner is actually good looking."

"Please, love, I'm the striking one," Killian had said, and she eye-rolled before telling him that he needed to start wearing his eyepatch again since he clearly cannot see.

It had devolved from there, as it always does with Killian, but she'd made a point later on to tell him how happy she was to see him in high spirits. She can't imagine that it was easy for him to watch someone else dance his role, but if there was any resentment he hid it extremely well, seeming genuinely happy for them.

Daniel's flight gets in after the show tonight, and it's hard for Regina to think about anything else. That leaden weight in her chest is back full force as she warms up with Robin, and she cringes as she imagines Daniel watching this dance. He may think he'll be okay with it, but she knows he won't, that he can't be, because it's too real.

She feels physically ill because of how real it is. She is horrible for being attracted to Robin. Screw what the internet says, this is not normal, it's awful. She is every bit the ungrateful and rotten child her mother always termed her. She never appreciates what she has, and lets it go to waste under her neglect, or harms it beyond repair.

Why did she have to figure this out? All this revelation has brought with it is torture, and when she isn't wracked with guilt she feels guilty for that. What kind of a person _doesn't_ feel horrible over jeopardizing their relationship, over not treating their partner the way they deserve to be treated? She already knew she'd been a bad girlfriend before all this, and now she has to come to terms with just how terrible she truly is.

What she wouldn't give for some form of a memory potion to take it all away. A single drink to take away the burden of this revelation. Ignorance really was bliss, and now she's in a hell of her own making.

Regina's former excitement over seeing Daniel is buried under the weight of an intense sense of dread. She's not going to tell him about her little attraction now, but Daniel will be able to tell, she just knows it. She will hurt him with this dance, whether he voices it or not, and she hates that. Then when she does tell him, he will look back on this and realize all his suspicions were right, that she made him feel awful for suspecting her for feeling exactly as she does.

Robin is nothing if not observant and in tune with her, so of course he asks what's wrong, and there's another good person in her life she's been messing up with. She's really going all in on screwing _everything_ up.

After a moment, Regina sighs, not knowing what to say to Robin. She can't tell him the truth, but she could be truth-adjacent, which runs the risk of upsetting her more if he's negative about Daniel. She curses this for being so hard before reminding herself it's all her fault and so she deserves to suffer.

She lies through her teeth because apparently, that's what she does now, has been doing it to herself for months, and tells Robin, "I'm just antsy to see Daniel tonight. Time is moving at a frustratingly slow rate tonight."

Robin eyes her skeptically, "Is that all?"

Why can't lying to him be as easy as lying to herself?

Regina tilts her head down and looks him in the eye. "No, it's not. But… it's not something I can discuss with _you_."

Robin's eyebrows furrow. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I know I _can_ , but sometimes I shouldn't."

Robin frowns, and great now she's worried him. "Well, now you have to tell me."

She sighs, going for the half-truth after all. "I don't want to hear a single negative thing about him, you hear me?" Robin's eyes widen and he nods as she belatedly realizes how sharp her tone was. She reminds herself to loosen up a bit and consciously softens her tone as she goes on. "Don't jump to any conclusions, but I'm worried about tomorrow, when Daniel sees our dance."

She thinks back to Mary Margaret's assumption about her and Robin, and she can only imagine what this dance is doing to feed that rumour mill. Everyone probably thinks they are doing it backstage, sneaking off into dressing rooms, going at it on those late nights at the studio. Fuck, this is a disaster.

"Do you think he's going to dislike your dancing?" Robin asks diplomatically, and she can tell he's trying to do what she asked, but this is a little too much. It irritates her, though it shouldn't, and her ire fuels her tongue.

"He's going to feel sick to his stomach watching his girlfriend writhing around on top of the man she kissed not so long ago. And worse, he's going to feel guilty for feeling bad about it because he trusts me and will have to hide his whole internal battle over it for the sake of _my feelings_."

Robin drops the act and asks her with surprising intensity, "Do you wish we hadn't done this dance?"

She chews at her bottom lip. How does she answer that question? It should be a simple yes or no, but it's not. If she had figured it all out because of the dance then yes, but it was before that. She has absolutely nothing to blame on her realization.

She would have been able to avoid Robin this week, could have had a lot less guilt, could have had a nice weekend with Daniel, but she wouldn't have gotten to dance this, would have been silently bitter about all the missed performances.

"I… I don't know, or I do." For fuck's sake, she needs to just answer the question, how hard is that to do?

Focusing on what he asked and not all the negative thoughts that are swirling, she answers carefully, "No, I don't regret doing it with you. You did me a favour, made it so I could still dance." He did her a favour, and the last thing she wants is for him to feel guilty over that. "But right now, everything is complicated, and I feel like no matter what I do I hurt Daniel, and I hate it. Things used to be so simple, and they're not anymore. I can't seem to stop fucking it all up and…"

"Regina, you're not."

She scoffs, little does he know. "I am though. I'm fucking frustrated because nothing ever goes our way, not since Daniel didn't get the hospital here, and… I want to have a nice weekend with my boyfriend. I want to have dances where nothing goes wrong, but that's never in the cards for me."

Robin rests his palm on her lower back, caressing it softly and she flinches away as he says, "Love, you're spiralling."

While he's right (though he has no idea the extent because she's been at this for hours), that's not what she's focused on. No, it's that word. _Love_. He's called her that for she doesn't even know how long, and she's never put any stock in it. She knows it means nothing, but it bothers her now that she's aware of this heinous attraction. She wants to tell him to never call her that again, but that would raise suspicion, and she cannot handle that right now.

Daniel needs to get here soon, she needs something to distract herself from all of this before she drives herself mad.

Dance should be the distraction, is usually all she needs, but this one is too wrapped up in what (and who) has sent her spiralling, so it will only make this worse.

"Regina, love, what can I do?" Robin asks and the scared look on his face wipes away most of her ire over that word. She cannot snap at him, cannot unleash any of this fury at herself on him, because it will only make her feel shittier. She knows this, and yet the urge is so strong, she can barely resist it.

Answer the damn question, Regina. For god's sake, stop being so weak, so childish, such an utter disappointment. It's her mother's voice in her head berating her, but for once it is deserved.

She needs to say something, anything, but fuck, what can he do? Nothing. No one can, the only way out of this is for her to come clean to Daniel, but she's not strong enough to do that now. She needs time with him, reassurances, to bask in his love for a bit before she unloads on him and hopes to god she doesn't crush him.

"You can't. I fucked up, and I have to deal with it, but I just can't right now, all I can do is think about it…"

"And stress," Robin supplies, and she nods.

Robin looks at her hesitantly, "I know I said I wouldn't talk about it, but you don't need to be carrying so much guilt over the kiss, and frankly if Daniel is making you feel like you should—"

"He's not!" Regina hisses with far too much vehemence. "I did something else, now can you _please_ just butt out? This mine to deal with."

"Okay I will," Robin says coolly and great now she's pissed him off, just another misdeed to add to her list.

"You were just trying to help, but I don't want to talk about it."

Robin nods, "You know that's all you had to say."

Why is he trying her patience like this? Oh, how she wants to snap back at him. She's tense, tight poised to strike and lash out at him, when someone drops their metal prop to the ground and a loud clang rings out.

She's tempted to now yell at them for being so careless, but the sound startled her enough to have her cognizant enough to know what a bad idea that would be.

Fuck, she needs to get out of here.

"Regina, where are you going?" Robin asks, and she doesn't dare look back at him as she tells him she'll be back in fifteen minutes after a run.

* * *

He's not really sure what that was. Regina's irked at _him_ now, but for no good reason.

Normally Robin knows when not to push, but he really thought he was doing the right thing here, thought he'd be able to provide some measure of comfort. He usually can, but it's clear she doesn't want it, at least not from him.

It's about the dance, he knows it is, and he's annoyed with himself that he didn't consider this side of it. He's an arsehole, a right sodding idiot. He can't pretend Daniel's reaction never crossed his mind, because it did on multiple occasions, but never once did he think of what effect that would have on Regina. Once again his crush on Regina led him to act in a way that hurt her because he was too focused on his own selfish needs and interests. He justified it as helping her, but that wasn't what he was doing, he can admit that to himself now. It was more about getting close to her, about keeping her dancing, about making Daniel see that she needs to be dancing, about having Daniel see them dance together and experience the pain Robin does when he sees them together. None of those reasons did anything to help her.

Maybe it is a good thing she's leaving after all.

What Robin hates most of all is that he convinced himself he was doing something to help Regina when he volunteered to do this dance. He thought this was the right call, but he didn't consider the optics of it, at that time. She'd been hesitant, when she realized what he was offering, and he pushed her, thinking she was trying not to inconvenience him, and now look where it's gotten them. She's all conflicted over it, upset by it. He knows it's not the only thing weighing her down, but it's part of it and he hates it.

He wants to comfort her, unburden her, not hinder her with more problems, and like it or not, he has.

Him and Daniel. God, he hates that guy. Now more than ever. Daniel has it all, and yet he has Regina all terrified of losing him, and he doesn't trust her enough to let her do this dance in peace.

She's afraid of a fight, that has to be what this is about, she's psyching herself up over Daniel's potential reactions, and because Robin is wrapped up in it she's projecting some of her anger on him, which isn't exactly fair, but he's done other things that make him deserving of it.

For about the thousandth time he curses his stupid drunk ass for kissing her. Never did he imagine this as the ramification. He thought he'd lose her as a friend, that he would suffer for it, but that's not what happened. She's the one suffering, all because of him.

Daniel had better be on his best behaviour this weekend, damn well better reassure Regina and act his fucking age for a change. Or Robin might actually break down and give Daniel a very ill-advised piece of his mind, a surefire way to lose his best friend.

Thank god Robin had already decided to ditch his be nice to Daniel plan, because he can't imagine trying to suck up now.

Robin continues to torture and berate himself as he warms up at the barre, anxiously waiting for Regina to return. She comes back from her run sweat-slicked and breathing heavily, but looking less burdened, and Robin feels some of his tension bleed out, just at the sight of her. She's no longer wearing that mask that somehow only he can see through, so unless she's magically gotten better at hiding her emotions from him, things must be a bit better. He's so happy to see her doing better that he smiles like an idiot, but can't stop it.

She looks tired now, worn out from exertion and emotional turmoil, and he aches to hug her, to urge her to curl up in his chest and fall asleep, as if that were even possible.

But all he does is ask, "Are we okay?" and she nods, but it leaves him unsettled under his relief. He hates that something is bothering her that she feels she can't tell him about.

He needs to be a better friend to her. He needs to get over her, it's the only way to become the friend she deserves, but he's never going to do that while she's here. As long as she dances at Ballet West, Robin will have a smidgen of hope to hold onto. It's only once she's gone that the hope will be truly extinguished, and only then can he start to move on.

John was right, he does need to get over Regina. He needs to start trying, needs to get back out there.

And he's going to do that, starting this summer.

* * *

Regina meets Daniel at the airport, all anxious nerves until she sees him. She was expecting the worst, that he'd somehow know and come off the plane scowling at her, but he's smiling, and it's with sheer relief that she throws herself into his arms, letting him kiss her soundly just outside the baggage claim.

She's been a mess of stress and self-loathing all day, which took its toll, left her feeling exhausted, but now she's energized as they get in a cab. They cuddle up as best they can in the backseat as Daniel tells her about his day, the flight, how excited he is for the summer together. He still loves her, still sees her as someone deserving of his love, and it helps. She'd been catastrophizing, and while she knows the worst is yet to come, she takes comfort in this moment of normalcy. The guilt is still there, that slithering shame still present, but she uses them to push her to be better here and now, to appreciate this moment.

Then as they get closer to her place, Daniel starts to whisper inappropriate suggestions in her ear that make her blush and squirm.

When they were younger, drunker and bolder, they'd been scolded for getting handsy in a cab, a memory Daniel revisits as his hand slides up her leg amidst a seemingly innocent comment asking if it's supposed to be wet tonight. Regina shivers under his touch while snickering at his bad pun and their driver's assurance that it's not supposed to rain.

That hand on her leg rises higher and she arcs a brow at him. She knows he won't do more than that, that they learned their lesson with that long ago, but it doesn't stop the anticipation.

Regina's practically vibrating with excitement when they reach her apartment building, and Daniel's suitcase is dropped onto the floor of the elevator as she claims his lips for the short ride. She needs to connect with him again, be reminded of how good she has it, of how much she loves and lusts for him.

They make it into her apartment amidst a slew of kisses, and she's grateful for the late hour, which ensures her judgy neighbour, Ms. Bleu, won't come out to see what the noise is all about and make not-so-under her breath comments.

Daniel slams the door forcefully and she laughs, pulling his hand toward her bedroom, but it seems he has other ideas. She's pushed up against the door, his mouth busy on her skin and his hands divest them both of their bottoms.

He's so hard, and she vows to make this amazing for him. She's going to make him feel damn good this weekend, show him how much she appreciates him, show him that she wants him. She'll remind them both that she wants him and only him.

She's not quite as ready as he is, something she doesn't help at all by taking him between her lips. She means to get him off that way, right here in her front entry, but soon he's begging to be inside her, and if that's what he wants, that's what he gets.

She grimaces a little as he enters her, not quite wet enough for the intrusion to feel welcome, instead of uncomfortable.

Daniel pauses once he's buried deep, panting heavily as he gives her a moment to adjust. He is so far gone, she can see it in his eyes, and it thrills her how desperate he is for her.

"Oh, fuck, are you, I need to, can I move, baby?" he asks, and she nods her assent.

He starts up a slow rhythm and after a moment, breathes, "Fuck, I won't last, baby, I'm sorry. You feel too good, I can't."

She never thought she was coming from this, and urges him on. This is for him, they'll get to her later, and even if they don't, making him feel good is enough for her.

Daniel fucks her quick and hard against the door, coming with a strangled moan a few moments later, while she urges him on. He sags against her as they catch their breath, muttering an unnecessary apology for finishing so quickly.

Men.

She reminds him for the hundredth time that she loves how he can't get enough of her, that the fact that he can't control himself is hot, and that he can always see to her later. She just wanted to feel close to him, doesn't need an orgasm, and probably doesn't deserve it after everything.

But Daniel doesn't know how bad she's been, and for now, she's going to soak up the comfort of his presence.

They settle in her bed, stripping fully before going under the covers, giggling at their half-dressed states, and the clothes still strewn in the entry. This is a benefit of having the place to themselves, no need to hide the evidence of their little tryst from Kathryn. They've fucked in the kitchen and living room before, but never against the door like that. Normally Kathryn's here when he gets in and it's all (apparently not so) muffled moans, and whispered cries.

It's nice not to have to stifle themselves, and Regina plans to take full advantage of having the place to themselves.

For now though, she's tired, though still annoyingly anxious. She tucks her head into Daniel's chest, and breathes him in, revelling in him. This is what she wanted, this is what she needed. This is what she has to protect. This feels right, almost all of her worries dissipating when he pulls her in closer. Her chest is still tight, there's still lead deep in her gut, but that's not going away until she comes clean; it is her burden to bear. Nothing alleviates the guilt, nor should it, but she tries to push it from her mind and enjoy this moment, to stay present with Daniel. She drinks in the intimacy of it, of the comfort of the silence.

As she lays there, an ominous feeling of impending doom overtakes her, and she clutches harder to him to try and chase it away.

When that fails, she initiates round two, attempting to chase away the darkness with pleasure, but it also doesn't work. She lies awake as Daniel sleeps merrily beside her, and prays for a better day tomorrow.


End file.
